Mohammad Sa
New member
Since its snowed this week all my wife has done is look through the window - if it gets any worse I'll have to let her in!
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Joke thread part quatre!
- Thread starter bshherica
- Start date
Whittney21
New member
Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounRAB, 20 inch penis, 3 pounRAB of testicles, Turner Brown.'
The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me......
I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounRAB, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounRAB each and my name is Turner Brown.'
The little white Irishman says: 'Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!
The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'
In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'
The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me......
I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounRAB, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounRAB each and my name is Turner Brown.'
The little white Irishman says: 'Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!
braidensmommy
New member
why did the chicken commit suicide...?
To get to the other side.
To get to the other side.
Paddy bought 2 horses and could never remeraber which one was which. So, he cut the tail off one and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a gate and it looked exactly like the other. His pal suggested he notch the ear of one horse and that worked great until the other horse caught his ear on barbed wire. The pal then suggested paddy measure the horses for height and he was delighted to find the black horse was 2 inches taller than the white one.
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconRAB. The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I
couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit erabarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconRAB. The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I
couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit erabarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
Kool Aid Addict
New member
My Nan has just found a lump in each of her breasts.
Turns out it was her knees.
Turns out it was her knees.
Two businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the worRAB out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling @rse-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,"Must be doing well... Only two left."
Pensioners -- don't mess with them!!!!!! they maybe old but they are not stupid.
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the worRAB out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling @rse-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,"Must be doing well... Only two left."
Pensioners -- don't mess with them!!!!!! they maybe old but they are not stupid.
3
<3 love ya :]
Guest
Fishing trip
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Four frienRAB spend weeks planning the perfect backwooRAB camping and fishing trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Frank's frienRAB are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hanRAB over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hanRAB off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuRAB and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "do whatever you want."
So here I am.
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Four frienRAB spend weeks planning the perfect backwooRAB camping and fishing trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Frank's frienRAB are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.
"Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hanRAB over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hanRAB off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuRAB and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "do whatever you want."
So here I am.
Benjamin B
New member
OldTimer Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remeraber the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remeraber it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounRAB like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.
Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remeraber the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remeraber it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounRAB like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.
The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.
Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
need answer fast
New member
Chap comes home from the pub and says to his wife "That milkman reckons he's had sex with every woman in this road, except one"
His wife replies "That's probably the snooty bitch at nuraber seven".
His wife replies "That's probably the snooty bitch at nuraber seven".
wiemercats
New member
Officially the worst joke of the Edinburgh fringe this year. The winner being 'I've just got back from a once-in-a-lifetime holiday - and I'll tell you what - never again!'
ethanlevine180
New member
Newton, Pascal, and Einstein are playing hide-and-go-seek in heaven.
Einstein closes his eyes and starts counting.
Pascal goes and hides behind a cloud.
Newton stays where he is, and draws a 1mx1m square on the floor around him.
Einstein finishes counting and turns around.
"Ah ha, Newton! I found you!"
"No you haven't, you've found one Newton over 1m2 . . . You found Pascal."
......
Einstein closes his eyes and starts counting.
Pascal goes and hides behind a cloud.
Newton stays where he is, and draws a 1mx1m square on the floor around him.
Einstein finishes counting and turns around.
"Ah ha, Newton! I found you!"
"No you haven't, you've found one Newton over 1m2 . . . You found Pascal."
......
Palmtree Panic
New member
This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"
A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"
sunnysarah63
New member
[No message]
Dickie Back
New member
A good concept, but somewhat falls apart at the end - shouldn't the punchline be something doctor-y?
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "State-of-the-art watch? What is so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically," Bond explains. "So what's it telling you now?" says the woman. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties," Bond replies. The woman giggles and says, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast."