I'm just scared. I stupidly downloaded a few child pornography images out of some reckless impulse. I don't want my world to obliterate as a result. I was an idiot for that. I'm a college educated student with many opportunities, and I do something so mindless...for what, some stupid self-indulgence that's pointless and illegal? I don't understand this still...I'm trying to make sense of it. I'm still trying to understand a temporary lapse of reasoning and a moment of...derangement?...that crossed my mind.
Blah!
I don't need my life to be ruined by a judicial process and incarceration because of this. I've suffered torment already just worrying.
It would help me if I knew how long it typically took for police to execute a search and seizure warrant. Does it take hours? - Days? - A week?
A month?
How long must I worry until I can move on and accept the idea that I screwed up, made a mistake, and can continue with my life. I don't want to suffer because of a 1:00 a.m. impulse.
And still, I feel if I do end up investigated...I'm going to prison no matter what. It seems like the law is set up entirely against you. Lawyers carry enormous expenses on the federal level, and the law is just going to call you guilty. I doubt I could use some pathos - soothing argument on a jury, reminding them that they too are human and have made mistakes, and may regret many mistakes in THEIR lives.
This isn't fair. This isn't right. I'm sorry for everything, but I'm fearing the worst... It's hard to find pride when all I feel are shame and paranoia.