CODE GEASS PARODY: THE GRAND FINALE
Here's the Greatest Unsolved Code Geass Mystery. Why is Lelouch's Royal Sword So Freaking Ugly? The World May Never Know.
LELOUCH: My God, Nunally. You've broken our father's Geass with your own will!
NUNALLY: Brother, I will not help you. Will you also use Geass on me?
LELOUCH: Nunally......I......wait. If she was able to break it, this makes Euphemia look pretty bad in comparison. How come that--
GENERIC NARRATOR: TODAY, ON CODE GEASS! THE SUPER SPECIAL ULTIMATE FINALE! Haha, that was close.
LELOUCH: Bah!
**Theme song**
NUNALLY: I will never hand this switch over to you! You've become a monster trampling on people's wills!
LELOUCH: Isn't the existence of the Damocles and the FREIJA the same thing? I've done what I've done because I had to make a difference in the world! WHO ELSE COULD HAVE DONE IT? WHO ELSE COULD'VE COME THIS FAR? I HAD NO CHOICE, THE WORLD HAD TO BE FIXED! Oh...whoops, wait, hold on a second. What the hell is this? Some kind of practical joke? This doesn't belong here at all.
**Lelouch throws away a script book clearly titled "DEATH NOTE"**
NUNALLY: What's that?
LELOUCH: Just the worRAB of a far inferior man.
NUNALLY: I still won't hand it over! The Damocles will become the focus of the world's hatred, unifying the world to a common cause!
LELOUCH: I see...in that case, there's only one thing to do. I command you, hand it over!
NUNALLY: No...I....Anything you want, brother!
LELOUCH: Nunally, I've become so proud of you. You actually nearly ripped off my brilliant plan and you didn't even know that you were doing it. You did a great job at becoming a main character. But this is my show, so my plan is clearly better by default. I love you...goodbye.
GENERIC NARRATOR: I'M SO MOVED!
NUNALLY: YOU USED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU USED THE GEASS! COME BACK HERE! AAAAH! Stairs, my worst enemy! Curse you, stairs! Your existence makes no sense because there's no way I could've gotten up here in the first place!
GENERIC NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on the battlefield!
JEREMIAH: Face the power of Orange-kun! Your wannabe Gundam Virtue won't save you!
ANYA: The similarities are just a coincidence.
JEREMIAH: Ha! Who would believe that line!
ANYA: You'd be surprised! Die now.
JEREMIAH: I'm going down!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: Hold it! HOLD IT! Death is depressing!
JEREMIAH: OR AM I?!?! Go, my Sutherland!
ANYA: What's this!
JEREMIAH: EXPLODE!
ANYA: Impossible!
JEREMIAH: Haha! Not only have I survived the destruction of my robot, but I've also landed on your damaged machine in mid-air! REMErabER! Remeraber the name of what defeated you!
ANYA: Anime physics?
JEREMIAH: No! Me! Jeremiah Gottwald!
ANYA: Now that's what the viewers won't believe. Anyway, memories mean nothing to me.
JEREMIAH: In that case, die!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: AHEM!
JEREMIAH: Actually, I'll decide to use my Geass canceler for unexplained reasons!
KALLEN: SEASON ONE INSULTS, BLAH!
SUZAKU: SEASON ONE PLATITUDES, BLAH BLAH!
KALLEN: Such power, such strength! If only you had justice within you!
SUZAKU: I have that! It's just SECRET justice.
KALLEN: Sure, just like I'm secretly a man.
SUZAKU: You are?! That's unbelievable!
KALLEN: NO!
SUZAKU: Oh, well, just wait. By the end of this episode, you'll think I'm awesome.
KALLEN: Are our robots moving as easily as ninjas right now? That seems really illogical.
SUZAKU: You have bigger things to worry about! Such as me kicking your ass now that we're in this closed space!
KALLEN: Says you! THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED! It is telling me to defeat you!
SUZAKU: IN THE END, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
KALLEN: A highlander reference? Seriously?
SUZAKU: Well that sure beats a G Gundam reference! Universal Century is better in every way!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: Product placement rules!
KALLEN: OUTRAGEOUS!
GENERIC NARRATOR: And so, the Guren and the Lancelot struck their mighty blows!
KALLEN: My punch...didn't make it?
SUZAKU: No...it did. And now you'll fall unconscious without any warning.
KALLEN: Very perceptive!
GINO: Kallen...did you win? I'm sure that my role as a spectator helped a lot.
**LANCELOT EXPLODES**
GINO: YES! HE'S DEAD!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: DEPRESSING!
GINO: YES! HIS DEFEAT IS ArabIGUOUS!
KAGUYA: Well well, we have you now. Won't you beg for your survival and for Lelouch's as well?
C.C. You actually understood a part of Lelouch's true nature, you know. That aside, I don't beg for mercy from borderline loli characters.
KAGUYA: Grrrr!
**FREIJA EXPLODES**
LELOUCH: I am Lelouch Vi Britannia, Emperor of the World! Schneizel has surrendered to me! Now submit, or suffer a horde of "all your base" references!
XING-KE: NO! Anything but that!
LELOUCH: LELOUCH BRITANNIA COMMANRAB YOU: OH WORLD, OBEY ME!
GENERIC NARRATOR: CAN IT BE? LELOUCH HAS BECOME A TYRANT? WE'RE COPYING DEATH NOTE?!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: Mwahahaha, here comes the cash cow!
GENERIC NARRATOR: This is a trainwreck!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: With CASH inside!
GENERIC NARRATOR: Argh! Damn you! I can't bear to watch! Let's just skip ahead two months!
GENERIC REPORTER: Behold the fools that dared oppose Emperor Lelouch! The world has now been unified!
GENERIC CITIZENS: He's so evil! Grrrr!
SCHNEIZEL: Does this massive gold chain make me look good?
RIVALZ: Lelouch...is this what you wanted to do? Am I meant to be a bit character until the end?
GENERIC NARRATOR: Yes!
RIVALZ: Noooooo!
CORNELIA: Behold, we are the neglected character brigade. United we will defeat Lelouch and become the heroes of the story!
VILLETTA: There's Ougi! Let's go!
CORNELIA: Hold it! When I say "we" I mean "me." Also, your romance subplot is stupid.
GUILFORD: Damn. Too late.
GENERIC CITIZENS: GASP! IT'S ZERO!
KALLEN: How? Lelouch is over there!
ZERO: BULLET-DODGING DASH!
JEREMIAH: DON'T FIRE! I SHALL BE HIS OPPONENT!
**Zero jumps off of Jeremiah's shoulder**
JEREMIAH: Damn, that was demeaning.
LELOUCH: Heh....this is it.
**FLASrabroadACK**
LELOUCH: As promised, you will kill me.
SUZAKU: You're doing this? No matter what?
LELOUCH: Yes. As planned, the world has united to hate me. With my death, it will be able to welcome "tomorrow" and build the future with dialogue and diplomacy, not war and tyranny. Plus, my downfall will make future sequels impossible! The fans will be appeased, and we'll be free of meddling writers and annoying fanboys forever.
GENERIC NARRATOR: Awesome music, engage!
SUZAKU: That is....
LELOUCH: Yes....
SUZAKU AND LELOUCH: Zero...Requiem.
SUZAKU: In C's world, we learned that people are waiting for a tomorrow.
LELOUCH: Yes. I think wishes are like the Geass.
SUZAKU: Eh?
LELOUCH: Yes, a desire for others to do what you can't do yourself. So we will do our part for a tomorrow where original tales are made, instead of remaking the same damn thing over and over. We'll teach them what it means to take control of a story!
CORNELIA: Oh no, our moment of glory! Rush out there and seize some credit! Run you fools, RUN!
C.C. Lelouch...as punishment for using Geass...you...
LELOUCH: Suzaku, you will save the series as the messiah that stopped a trainwreck...Zero!
**Suzaku stabs Lelouch**
SUZAKU: Le--Lelouch......
LELOUCH: This is...also a punishment for you. Now you...must...fight for justice...and put up with...wearing my really funky mask.
SUZAKU: I will...accept. Truthfully, I kind of think it's fashionable.
**Suzaku pulls out the sword. Lelouch falls toward Nunally**
NUNALLY: Brother...
**Nunally touches Lelouch**
NUNALLY: These memories...all along, you were...brother, I love you!
LELOUCH: Yes...I will...get way more...popular with fans now...
**Lelouch dies**
NUNALLY: BROTHER?! NOOOOO!
CORNELIA: THE DEMON KING IS DEAD! FREE THE HOSTAGES!
GENERIC CITIZENS: YAR!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: This is the most depressing thing ever! What about my lame plans? NOOOOOO!
GENERIC NARRATOR: Sucker!
TODOH: No way! That's--
KALLEN: He's Zero! That man is Zero. Oh, I'm moved to tears...I hate it when Suzaku is right.
GENERIC CITIZENS: ZERO, ZERO, ZERO!
NUNALLY: WAAAAAH! *cries furiously*
GENERIC NARRATOR: Even in parody form, that is so...touching! *sniff* Now, let's time skip forward to Kallen...oh, somebody get me more tissues! Waaaaaaaa!
KALLEN: After that, things got a lot better. The Damocles was destroyed, sent away into the sun. Most of the resources spent on war are now being spent on fighting poverty and all sorts of serious problems. Most importantly, the writers didn't push me into a forced relationship at the last minute.
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: No romance? But WHY?
GEASS WRITER #1: SHUT UP.
GEASS WRITER #2: At last, I am redeemed!
KALLEN: Milly became a reporter, but everyone knew that already.
MILLY: Hooray, I'm an independant woman!
KALLEN: Rivalz got with that random purple-haired girl from episode 12.
RIVALZ: Why? Beats me.
KALLEN: Tamaki runs a bar, which was constantly visited by all of the third-string Black Knights that are basically unknown to the viewers by now.
TAMAKI: Business is great! The more I talk to my customers, the more they want to drink! It's the funniest thing!
KALLEN: Ougi got married and Villetta is pregnant. I have no idea if she got over her prejudice since the writers didn't bother to show it, but I'm sure that she did.
VILLETTA: Hush hush, my little Eleven...
OUGI: HEY!
VILLETTA: Ugh, sorry sweetheart. Old habits die hard.
KALLEN: As for lord Jeremiah, he went off somewhere with that uninteresting loli knight.
JEREMIAH: I was called orange-kun, and now I'm picking oranges! Get it? This is really funny!
ANYA: Well, if you say so.
KALLEN: Sure, there are still problems, but the world is marching to a better tomorrow thanks to Lelouch.
GENERIC NARRATOR: That's right Kallen, everyone lived happily ever after.
KANON: SCHNEIZEL-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GENERIC NARRATOR: Well, except for Kanon. But no one cares about a lame character like him! And so, the epic journey of our hero Lelouch has come to an end! Now, let's visit the countryside and find out what happened to C.C.
C.C. The power of Geass isolates people. Well, maybe that's not quite right after all. Right, Lelouch?
**the wagon driver suddenly stanRAB up, throwing his hat off**
LELOUCH: EXCELSIOR! I live!
AUDIENCE: GASP!
**inspirational music stops**
LELOUCH: So I hear that some of you fans think that I'm dead, and that she was just talking to some random old guy driving a wagon? Well let me tell YOU something, folks. She only talks that way to me. Because I am a CLAMP-drawn, super attractive stud.
C.C. Lelouch, do you think that this great ending will be preserved and remerabered?
LELOUCH: Of course!
C.C. But what if they try making more Code Geass anime someday and mess around with it like what happened with this season?
LELOUCH: Not to worry, my love. The final phase of the Zero Requiem is already in motion. "that man" will surely show himself as planned, and when he does Suzaku will know what to do.
C.C. "That man?"
LELOUCH: Yes, C.C. THAT MAN.
GENERIC NARRATOR: What could Lelouch be talking about? LET'S FIND OUT, LOYAL FANS!
SUZAKU: Well, here we are, Nunally.
OUGI: Welcome! It's good to see you both again at this peace summit. I'm sure that the generic suits that are standing behind me agree.
GENERIC SUIT GUYS: Word!
XING-KE: My robot was drawn for this scene, so I'm guess that I'm here too.
TIANZI: And that implies that I'm here! WHEEE! I must glomp my hero!
OUGI: Aww, that's really cute and charming. But please don't say "glomp."
NUNALLY: Thank you so much for coming, everyone.
SUZAKU: Together we'll continue down the road of peace, and make this world a better place.
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: And the world will be even better if it tunes into Gundam 00 on television next week! GUNDAM 00 SEASON 2, IT'S ZERO APPROVED! WATCH IT!
NUNALLY: What in the world?!
TIANZI: Who are you?
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: Product placement rules!
SUZAKU: Okay, THAT'S IT. I've had enough!
**Suzaku takes out his sword and throws it at Sunrise Executive, impaling him**
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
**Everyone stares at Suzaku in stunned silence**
SUZAKU: ...what?
**more silence**
GENERIC NARRATOR: Don't worry! It was just the meddling executive.
NUNALLY: Oh!
OUGI: Thanks, Zero! This is the best ending I could've asked for!
SUZAKU: Aw, shucks.
XING-KE: He truly is a hero of justice!
TIANZI: YEAH!
NUNALLY: Hahahaha!
**everyone starts laughing**
THE END