Enough with the Fuckin' Vampires

[Polycarp]

Twivamps...

I will subscribe to this neologism only if it is agreed that the I is pronounced with an "ee" sound.

 

[jayjay]

I will subscribe to this neologism only if it is agreed that the I is pronounced with an "ee" sound.

Well, I always suspected that SkipMagic was a vampire, what with the blindingly pale skin.

 

[cricetus]

Actually that's exactly what she said. First part good, then really turned south. Maybe he rushed to finish it before the market fell out?

I started a paranormal YA romance on the thought of cashing in -- I am a published YA author, but write much less commercial stuff, figured my agent could sell it. After sharing a few chapters with a friend who reads the genre, I realized I was kidding myself. As a fan, she was insulted by it. You have to believe in what you're doing to write it well. (I mean, convincingly. Even if it is not done "well.")

 

[Polycarp]

NT -- duplicated another person's post

 

[jayjay]

One South Pacific variant, the name of which I can't recall, is just a detached head that flies about with its internal organs dangling drippily beneath.

Indonesian/Malaysian. The penanggalang, which came to my attention first as an entry in the early 80s British AD&D monster book, Fiend Folio. She's #10 (#1 by order) on this list.

 

[Bigt]

BigT already covered the "good vamps don't" theory, but I mostly find the differences between Edward and Angel amusing. Angel gets his blood from a butcher that he keeps in the fridge and drinks out of a travel mug like some kind of yuppie vampire latte. Edward kills a bear with his bare hands and drains it because he feels that if there's no challenge to the hunt (i.e., he could die if he fails), he doesn't deserve blood.

Which one's the sissy?

If we're going to be pointing out how badass Twivamps are, I can tell you something my sister (who actually read the books) told me.

You know how you kill a Twivamp? You don't just stick a pencil in its heart. You rip it into pieces and then burn the remains lest they reform.

Anyways, the problem with Twivamps is that they are OVER-powered, not sissies. They are each essentially superheroes or supervillains. They even get an extra power when they are formed. Like Edward's reading minds, or Alice's seeing into the future. They have almost all of the powers without any of the drawbacks. They even have a conscience or soul.

I still wonder what happened that suddenly made everyone go from them being too overpowered (and thus not real vampires) to being sissies.

 

[Shot From Guns]

I wish all those people who wish a vampire would come and bite them because vampires are OMGsohot would realize that the vampire would just think of them as a meal, nothing more.

There's an episode of Buffy like that--a group of kids who pretty much worship vampires.

Spoiler

An old friend of Buffy's is involved with them. It seems that the kids have a plan to have a vampire come pay a visit and turn them all. But it turns out that Buffy's old friend is dying, and he's arranged to trade all the others to the vampires as food, in exchange for them just turning him.

But I recently started watching the Buffy series and love it.

That's because Joss Whedon is a tiny god.

Edward, the sexy hot vampire also happens to be a hundred or so year old creep that dates a high school teenager.

When a couple of people I know were raving about the books, I got them, just so that I wouldn't be the person sitting here saying "god those suck" without actually having read them. So, I can officially say:

The Twilight books are not only terribly written; they're also some of the most disgustingly sexist things I've ever read. Among my favorite lessons: sexual assault is cute, and rape happens because women are beautiful.

I thought, ''The only thing lamer than a vampire is a hopping vampire.''

I almost spat all over my keyboard.

Anyone remember Bunnicula?

Hellllllllllllllllls yes, woman!

 

[Lynn Bodoni]

Can't we have more movies with naked chicks who AREN'T horribly slashed or torn to pieces once the clothes come off?

Can't we have movies without chicks getting nekkid in them? Seriously. For a while it seemed that EVERY R rated movie had to have at least one scene in a strip club, with a bunch of young women dancing in G strings and high heels, and never mind that the scene had nothing really to do with the movie.

It's just another damned fad. There will be a few good examples of the genre, and the rest will exhibit Sturgeon's Law.

I'd like a sci-fi boom as big as this boring vampire boom now.

Actually, you probably don't. I remember when Star Wars first came out. You know what happened? Every publisher sent all the peons scuttling to their slush piles, hoping to dig out a few science fiction stories that might be salable...but those stories were in the slush pile for a reason. So instead of getting a lot of great SF to read, we got a lot of crappy scifi published. And the mundanes, who had been blown away by Star Wars, thought that they liked SF, so they bought the crap, and then eventually got bored with it. Booms don't necessarily improve a genre, they just tend to get more crap examples published or produced.

 

[Kobal2]

Anyways, the problem with Twivamps is that they are OVER-powered, not sissies. They are each essentially superheroes or supervillains. They even get an extra power when they are formed. Like Edward's reading minds, or Alice's seeing into the future. They have almost all of the powers without any of the drawbacks. They even have a conscience or soul.

Which is what makes them sissies, or at the very least Mary-Sues. What's the point of a hero with all powers, no weakness ? It's just boring.
The sissy part starts with the sparkling and wangst over teenage girls. If you do have unmitigated superpowers, fight crime, solve the energy crisis, destroy the Red Russian army on your own or save the Earth from ancient eldritch forces. At the very least, be in a rock band. But for god's sake, don't move back to frickin' high school to bone jailbait ! What's the matter with you ?!

 

[Sampiro]

In every folkloric version of vampirism with which I am acquainted, vampires are disgusting undead creatures. All that varies is just how disgusting.

Basically like zombies are depicted today except nocturnal.

I watch TRUE BLOOD but doubt I'd be at all interested if it didn't have copious nudity from good looking guys. I really don't understand the seemingly immortal popularity of the way overpopulated genre, but I swear it must be almost hard to submit a vampire novel and not get published.

I think the last good vampire movie was Shadow of the Vampire, and even that one the silent film setting helped tremendously.

 

[cricetus]

The Swedish movie LET THE RIGHT ONE IN was fantastic.

 

[Justin_Bailey]

It's not that they aren't "real" vampires, it's that they are sissy sparkling vampires. Still plenty contempt-worthy.

That's the really frustrating thing. Compared to most vampires in fiction, the Twilight vamps are much less sissy than most.

 

[Voyager]

We've gone from Dracula, where the vampire creeps in to the woman's room to seduce her, to Twilight, where the vampire more or less creeps into the woman's room to not seduce her. The taste of forbidden lust has been replaced by the taste of forbidden chastity.

What is it with kids today, and what the hell did we start the sexual revolution for anyway?

 

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

How about vampire pumpkins ? That lame enough for ya ?

TERRY PRATCHETT WAS RIGHT?!? They do suck back!

 

[Boyo Jim]

Can't we have movies without chicks getting nekkid in them? Seriously. For a while it seemed that EVERY R rated movie had to have at least one scene in a strip club, with a bunch of young women dancing in G strings and high heels, and never mind that the scene had nothing really to do with the movie.

It's just another damned fad. ...QUOTE]

Yes, but I like that fad.

 

[Savannah]

I keep hearing about it, and as a horror buff I feel I ought to read it, and if it's good I don't want to miss it...but vampires again? Just thinking about it makes me tired.

Maybe I'm anemic.

I'm really enjoying it. (Cronin's The Passage)

 

[Shot From Guns]

The Swedish movie LET THE RIGHT ONE IN was fantastic.

I enjoyed both the film and the book--and I'd recommend doing it in that order. There are some things that are different in the film from the book, or at least more ambiguous, which allows for a slightly different interpretation of certain things. If you read the book first, you'll only be able to see the movie one way, whereas you won't miss out on that if you read the book second.

 

[rhubarbarin]

I'd be interested in some titles of movies which you think are of the "Full of bouncing titties/must have a strip club scene" because I must say I can't recall many non-porn (softcore or otherwise) films from the past few years that would qualify, with the exception of things like Sin City and a couple of other films clearly aimed at a more "Mature" audience than your standard "R" rated movie.

Obviously there's going to be nudity in "Mainstream" films, but I certainly don't recall (and haven't noticed) it being de rigueur in the way you're suggesting it is, at any rate.

I've only seen a few movies in the theater in the last few years and yeah, I feel like a lot of them have gratuitous boobies. Not gratuitous nudity - just breasts.

Off the top of my head: Before the Devil Knows You're Dead and The Wrestler were both 'serious' movies featuring naked boobies (mostly Marisa Tomei's) and some strip club scenes. I felt it was unnecessary, but at least it made sense within the context of both plots.

 

[JRDelirious]

I really don't get it. A three hundred year old delusion is no more respectable than last week's desusion.

I think there's a dozen threads on that issue over on GD, usually with the word "religion" in the title

What I do is remind myself there are three different "scenes":

In one, anthropologists, folklorists, and the like seriously study the traditional tales of the supernatural, the uses of magic and herbalism, the syncretic incorporations of prechristian religion into Christianity, etc., as they were throughout history.
In the second, artists, fiction writers, poets, and more recent philosophers use some of the elements of those traditions to create new interpretations or to use the language and imagery in a new sense, as a way of exploration about the supernatural or the subconscious...
Finally, in the third "scene", a bunch of fluffybunnies go all gaga over Magyck and Vampyres and Wicca 'cause oooohhhh it's so cool and so rebellious and so sexy... these are the ones you find yourself wishing Cthulhu will chew very, very thoroughly. Some writers will pander to them but hey, it's a free market.

I can live with Group 3's high visibility, if groups 1 and 2 retain their integrity.

 

[Hyperelastic]

10-15 years ago it was angels, then hobbits, now it's vampires. I predict a leprechaun fad soon. Tom Cruise IS Paddy the Leprechaun - he wants to use his secret pot of gold to fund sustainable energy research. But not if a fictional company very similar to British Petroleum has anything to say about it. Their chief scientist, Dr. Cameron Diaz, has just perfected an end-of-the-rainbow detection system. But she's torn over its potential applications, and hot for Paddy in his little green velvet suit.