Enough with the Fuckin' Vampires

It's not that there are real vampires; it's that all this sexy vampire stuff contradicts how people who did believe in vampires imagined them.
 
So, "Care-Vampires", or "My Little Vampires"?
I think the later would be somewhat sparklier.
"Sponge Bob Vampire Pants" is probably too far round the twist for teenieboppers, but maybe the 16 year old male demographic?
 
You might expect TVTropes to have a "Vampire" page . . . but you would be wrong. It has a whole [b]directory[/b] of "Vampire Tropes" pages.

(I am creeping silently to your monitor . . . I am slowly draining your time . . . Do not resist . . .)
 
Scumpup said:
It's not that there are real vampires; it's that all this sexy vampire stuff contradicts how people who did believe in vampires imagined them.
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I really don't get it. A three hundred year old delusion is no more respectable than last week's desusion.
 
Guinastasia said:
But Edward/Jacob is soooooo dreamy!!!! *blech*

God, I hated Twilight. I read them just to see what the fuss was about. I don't know how anyone can stomach that bullshit. And vampires do NOT sparkle, goddammit!!! (Although I still want to know if their poop sparkles)
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Rifftrax has been hit or miss, but the Twilight Rifftrax is as good as any of the best MST3K episodes. It'll fix you right up. :)
 
Scumpup said:
It's not that there are real vampires; it's that all this sexy vampire stuff contradicts how people who did believe in vampires imagined them.
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But the commonly accepted vampires in popular fiction before Twilight weren't like the vampires people actually believed in, either. The Dracula-format vampires, were more or less a modern invention as well - specifically, invented by John Polidori in 1819 - and became popular in modern fiction largely because Dracula went into public domain in the USA shortly after it was written.

The vampire myth as we currently understand it really isn't that old, all things considered. Shakespeare would not have heard of such a thing.
 
I wasn't referring to Dracula-type vampires, either. I am referring exactly to the folkloric beliefs regarding vampires that pre-date the relatively modern literary and cinematic vampires. It isn't a case of preferring one delusion over another, either, since I don't believe in vampires at all. What it is, is vampires as I studied them were scary, supernatural creatures. People were genuinely afraid of them. This is what I want to read about or see on the screen if a vampire story is supposedly what I am going to be told. The emo Eurotrash Anne Rice sparklepyre romantic versions produced by the entertainment industry do not entertain or scare me. They, in fact, make my ass itch to get up and go do something else every time I try to read a book or watch a movie featuring such creatures.
 
BrainGlutton said:
:confused: That makes no sense at all! Who sleeps on pillows full of blood?! (I mean, you know, other than me.)
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It comes from a scene in the forth book when Bella (the human girl) and Edward (the vampire) finally have sex. Edward loses control and doesn't realize his strength. He bruises and scratches Bella. He also bites and rips the pillows.


And that I know this much is sad. I've only read the first book, but find reading about the books so interesting and horrifying I can't stop.
 
When somebody told me she was reading the new faux literary vampire dystopia novel I asked her if she could sense the author's contempt for her for buying it.
 
BrainGlutton said:
You might expect TVTropes to have a "Vampire" page . . . but you would be wrong. It has a whole [b]directory[/b] of "Vampire Tropes" pages.

(I am creeping silently to your monitor . . . I am slowly draining your time . . . Do not resist . . .)
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Dammit. Why must you post a TVTropes link ... I'm trying to work here. I was failing hard without that sort of time suck just sitting there winking at me.
 
The Passage by Justin Cronin is currently on the best seller's list. Pretty decent book. I think this is the one cricetus is referring too, but not sure.
 
Yes, that's the one. It's the fact that he was a respected literary figure and then wrote VAMPIRE DYSTOPIA that makes me think he's just doing the most commercial possible thing and now raking in the dough and sneering at the people who read it. The person I spoke to said it was pretty awful.
 
kaylasdad99 said:
Hell, I want to know if they poop.

Also, how they manage to hang around a high school all day, when one has to presume that the cheerleaders aren't post-menopausal.
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Apparently menstrual smells different than regular blood.

I hate to defend the woman who thought vampires should sparkle, but that's not as dumb as it sounds.
 
cricetus said:
Yes, that's the one. It's the fact that he was a respected literary figure and then wrote VAMPIRE DYSTOPIA that makes me think he's just doing the most commercial possible thing and now raking in the dough and sneering at the people who read it. The person I spoke to said it was pretty awful.
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Hey, I said "pretty decent", not "To Kill a Mockingbird"!:)

It was half a good book in much the way The Stand was half a good book. The first half when the world is going to shit. After that, gets a bit bleh.
 
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