Enough with the Fuckin' Vampires

This thread actually turned out to be pretty interesting.

I have a Chinese-American friend who told me that in China, vampires hop. I thought, ''The only thing lamer than a vampire is a hopping vampire.''
 
Lynn Bodoni said:
Actually, I can't think of the last movie that I watched. It's been a few years. I got so bored with the whole "we gotta have titties" theme that I just haven't been watching movies, other than things like the Toy Stories. This wasn't a concious decision, and certainly the gratuitous sex and sexuality wasn't the only reason, or even the main reason, why I've quit watching movies. But it's part of it.
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The thing is, I still can't think of many non-porn "mainstream" movies even from 10 years ago or so that fit your description of being full of quasi-softcore porn, bouncing breasts, etc. Certainly nothing that got a cinema release- I can't speak for "Straight To Video" or "Made for TV" films because yeah, a lot of that stuff has gratuitous nudity/sex/lesbianism in it, but "Movies you'd go to a multiplex to see"? I'm just not recalling many.
 
I never found vampires particularly scary or interesting.

But I recently started watching the Buffy series and love it.

It doesn't make me suddenly passionate about all things vampire-y. I don't get the hype either. Vampires are the most boring villain there is. Maybe that's why they made them into ''good guys.'' Because as bad guys they aren't very scary.
 
olivesmarch4th said:
This thread actually turned out to be pretty interesting.

I have a Chinese-American friend who told me that in China, vampires hop. I thought, ''The only thing lamer than a vampire is a hopping vampire.''
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How about vampire pumpkins ? That lame enough for ya ?
 
olivesmarch4th said:
I never found vampires particularly scary or interesting.

But I recently started watching the Buffy series and love it.
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Ironically, vampires are a tiny part of the Buffy series - from Season 2 onwards, they're pretty much relegated to off-screen dusting, at best nameless mooks effortlessly dealt with to provide banter opportunities for actual characters.

And don't get me started on Spike's decay. Fuckin' Whedon...
 
Chimera said:
You know, this idea that being bitten by a vampire is all sexy and cool would go straight out the window in a flash of screaming agony if they really did have a bunch of razor sharp teeth slashing into their jugular.

It's really stupid "Oh, he's the ultimate bad boy*, but he won't hurt ME!**" lies and self-delusion.

* yup, a monster who kills people to live.
** and wants to make you into one of those monsters too. Or perhaps he's just playing with his food and will eat you later.
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We also should keep in mind that, in the particular case of Twilight, (how I got to be taken to the theater to watch that I don't know) Edward, the sexy hot vampire also happens to be a hundred or so year old creep that dates a high school teenager.
 
Just a little aside -- I happened upon Twilight fanblog once. The title? "Pillow Biters."

:p
 
But Edward/Jacob is soooooo dreamy!!!! *blech*

God, I hated Twilight. I read them just to see what the fuss was about. I don't know how anyone can stomach that bullshit. And vampires do NOT sparkle, goddammit!!! (Although I still want to know if their poop sparkles)
 
Martini Enfield said:
The thing is, I still can't think of many non-porn "mainstream" movies even from 10 years ago or so that fit your description of being full of quasi-softcore porn, bouncing breasts, etc. Certainly nothing that got a cinema release- I can't speak for "Straight To Video" or "Made for TV" films because yeah, a lot of that stuff has gratuitous nudity/sex/lesbianism in it, but "Movies you'd go to a multiplex to see"? I'm just not recalling many.
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I got a theory.

A convergence of the social uptightening of America combined with movie production prices that require movies to appeal to almost the entire population in order to be profitable. How many NC-17 movies have come out in the last year? How many R compared to the number of PG-13 (which basically means PG with more violence or cursing).
 
Hell, I want to know if they poop.

Also, how they manage to hang around a high school all day, when one has to presume that the cheerleaders aren't post-menopausal.
 
I love Twilight. In fact, I love it so much I'm going to see the new movie tomorrow.



















WITH MY VUVUZELA!!!

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!
 
For any vampire discussion, I find this necessary. If only to keep myself up-to-date on very important vampire facts.

Really, I just like to see the humorous vampires next to the "serious" ones. Count Chocula's powers and weaknesses make me smile every time.
 
Scumpup said:
In every folkloric version of vampirism with which I am acquainted, vampires are disgusting undead creatures. All that varies is just how disgusting.
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There's an urban fantasy series where the vampires are just as disgusting as I would imagine them to be. (The Kate Daniels "Magic" series by Ilona Andrews.) In them, vampires are mindless eating machines controlled by necromancers. They are creepy and disgusting.
 
And let's not forget the whole slew of ugly, nasty supernatural "pretenders" in Nancy Collins's Sonja Blue series.
 
Boyo Jim said:
Can't we have more movies with naked chicks who AREN'T horribly slashed or torn to pieces once the clothes come off?
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Sure, it's called porn.

Unfortunately when it comes to "serious", "artistic" movies usually the more naked the actors are, the worse it is. It's a shame ain't it?
 
RickJay said:
Vampires do not exist. They are imaginary. The vampires of "Twilight" are no more or less delusional than the vampire in "Nosferatu." If the mythology changes to make vampires more like Edward Cullen than like Count Dracula, the mythology changes, but it's not "delusional." There are no vampires in real life. There is nothing to be "deluded" about.
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Christ does this drive me crazy too. Especially around here, because whenever you point this out a whole posse of people stop jizzing on their Angel posters to point out that the Twilights vamps aren't real vamps.

:rolleyes:
 
Justin_Bailey said:
Christ does this drive me crazy too. Especially around here, because whenever you point this out a whole posse of people stop jizzing on their Angel posters to point out that the Twilights vamps aren't real vamps.

:rolleyes:
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It's not that they aren't "real" vampires, it's that they are sissy sparkling vampires. Still plenty contempt-worthy. :p
 
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