Anyone's sex life affected by pain or numbness.

  • Thread starter Thread starter dayna5
  • Start date Start date
Hi Belle, :wave:

I'm sorry that "doing it" didn't quite work out for you both just yet.

I believe things always happen for a reason, so please don't get discouraged, things will certainly work out in time, when the body is ready :)

I feel the same as you do, in respect to my Hubby's feelings, he is really more understanding than I, and it bothers me, more than him.
He says I make too big of a deal out if it, so we don't discuss it as often now, especially now that I'm three weeks post-op two level lurabar fusion :)
My incision is fifteen inches long, from the top of the butt crack, all the way to the bra line.
Not to mention, that is most of my entire back, as I'm only five feet tall !
So, now you can see, why he is so patient with me.
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I just remind him that when we said our vows, we agreed to take care of each other, in sickness, and in health.
This is so much part of that, for sure !

The poor guy, he doesn't see "it" much.
I have had thirteen back procedures over the past 2 years, and then to make matters worse, I just had a tubal a few months ago, so yes, yet another sex delay
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He never complains, we actually try to joke about it most times.
He knows I will be better soon, and can wait until I am fully ready.

I wish you both continued success in your recovery and goals, and hope you have a very happy new year.

Toast, To 2003
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Take Care,
Baxter
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[This message has been edited by BAXTER (edited 12-29-2002).]
 
Hey All!! I have wondered about this for a long time. you know the "sex" thing. So encouraging to know the problem exits for other people too!! I'm beginning to think I am not human anymore. I have the problem of have much discomfort during sex. But I have developed a serious vaginal problem (have'nt went to the doc for this yet, not really in the budget). I can not stand the penatration. As soon as hubby starts to enter the pain is unreal, when he really get in there it is all I can do to keep from blacking out. I don't know if this is caused by the back or not. It has been been four years since my surgury but I still have excruciating pain in back/down legs. Before the vaginal problem occurred we could mangage to have sex once in a while. I do not have any sex drive. No matter what I try that vagina will not get "wet" Yes I have used Gels. It works for a few minutes then its dry as a bone yard. Now with the vaginal pain so severe I have no desire to even try. Has anyone else had the vaginal problem? This forum has been helpful it has made me realize maybe I need to talk with hubby and see if there are others ways I could please him. I miss that part of our life. I miss him. So sad cause we had a fun sex life. This has been fun, reading and talking about. I felt a grin coming on!!!!!

Judy :D
 
Hi Lori,

Like ACF38 say's women buy sex toy's and men like to use them,I think.

Men DO like to use them,particularly if like me they were having trouble maintaining an erection.Viagra as I said helped tremendously and I am grateful since my surgery that the need for viagra has diminished.

Still have some left, but will use them for that bit EXTRA boost :D

I think that you have to sit down and talk all of this through, from a male perspective if I couldn't for one reason or another have intercourse I would certainly be able to satisfy my parner in all other manners.And I would WANT too.Just because I was unable to get an erection dosn't mean that I would turn myself off to my Partners/Wife's neeRAB..

Being left with the option of paralysis and being wheelchair bound dosen't mean to say you turn off to the emotional and physical want's and neeRAB of the person you LOVE. to do that would I think ultimately lead to a seperation/divorce.

Do you think he is trying to push you in that direction Lori??????

heart.gif
to ALL

Davy



------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
 
Just to add on from my previous message .. :bouncing:
I have just found an E/Mail from a friend whom I was in hospital with last Nov 2001..
Her and I had exactly the same symptoms; we'd both been told initially it was Multiple Sclerosis causing the nurabness , but we both proved them wrong !
..Our bladder and bowel were affected.. we didn't know when to go..She, poor thing had a catheter in walking around!.. I didn't need one that badly !..

Because I am a very open person to talk with, she sensed it was safe to talk to me, and we discussed the Nurabness we both have "inside us".. and the lack of feeling when intimate ..She was SO PLEASED to meet someone who KNEW what it was like at last , she said !
She was opened up anteriorly ( thru the front ) they op. on her spine that way .. 3 cages put in.. she has a very narrow spinal Canal..
... When I came home, I made sure we kept in touch, and the E/Mail I got from her ,dated 12 April 2002, was "Sorry Belle to hear things haven't improved for you.. Not for me either EXCEPT NORMAL FEELING WHILE HAVING SEX ! WOOPY!"..
So there was one woman who did get feeling back, but the rest of her problems, such as balance, 'jelly legs', strength were still not right.
But it does show, depending on where you have the spine problem, feeling can return.. Some are lucky , so there is HOPE!!
I will CERTAINLY let you all know if I have return of feeling ,- I'll even put an ad in the local Paper!! :D
After 2 1/2 -3 years.. I think no one would Blame me , eh?
dizzy.gif

Well must go .. but I hope this lets some of you see .. it CAN happen !!
Love Belle NZ.. AGAIN!! XXXX
"

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A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 07-12-2002).]
 
Hi AJ,
I really appreciate your post. you sound very much like the problem that my husband recently has. he just had the surgery in Nov. similar to what you discribed. I was hoping for a male point of veiw. You see I do not want to ever step on his ego. I know that it will take time for him to recover. You have given me hope. Maybe in a year he can also back to some normalness. I am will to change position or what ever. I know this may sound alittle personnel, sorry. I hope I do not offend anyone. I just really needed to see how things where for the other point of view. My husband likes to put up a brave front. He doesn't like to talk much about his problems and concerns. Of course me I think we need to sometimes talk about our future and what to expect. Thanks so much.
Ceya
 
Hey ppls I really dotn know what to say to u every thing i am giong through u allr also. I like to be in charge when it comes to the sex thing for 2 years now i havent been able to i feel guilty about what i am diong to my partner and there r heaps of other feelings that i brush aside. It is so hard to find someone that u connect with and something like this happens and turns ur world upside down again. It is not good and not fair. But to accept this as the rest of our lives is hard to do. When it comes to times when my hubby wants a bit then i just bit my teeth and bear it i know that is not nice but it is not very often we do and i am starting to get the nurabness in that area and it is very concerning to me cause it is taking forever. Ijust end up brushing him away and thats it. We have experemented in other ways but it makes me feel like i am not being the woman he wants or neeRAB. We both talk alot to eachother and support each other but without the sex or very little sex i often wonder where it is gonna lead. I now know i am not the only one who is giong through this so with that i am giong to have a look at the spinaldisorder page and chin up i am hoping things get better soon.
Cheers tracie
 
I will send a big AMEN to loving hubbies... and cuddling... for when covering up my feet (that I can't reach) with a blanket and my forhead with a soft kiss is more meaningful then sex... :angel: and especially for all of late night runs for pain meRAB, diet coke, and moonpies when I run out...For installing shower wanRAB, and toiletseat raisers - fun!, and for saying he finRAB his 33 (or 83??) year old wife - big brace, walker and all- sexy :eek: ... For my NOT ever wondering if he's not complaining about the lack of sex because he's getting it elsewhere...For accepting when he has the King size bed alone because the recliner is more comfortable (and for when he sleeps on the couch just to be near me)... or when my pillow nest takes up 99% of the King size bed, leaving him only a cold sliver... For knowing when to bring home roses, and when to bring home Burger King...

Heck, who neeRAB an orgasm???
 
I had to pop in here, It is important. My hub & I just had a big fight about this tonight. He was throwing everything he could get his hanRAB on in anger. I'm not even 2 months post op. & he is absolutely irate I've not done my wifely duties for HIM. I love my hub dearly. Love is not about sex. Sex is the result of being in love. I'm so sad he has been so mean tonight. It's not that I don't want to be with him that way, I just don't think I can handle it this soon. He's 250 & I' 138. Non the less, I still hurt & I've been pushing myself to do things otherwise I should not to please him, GEEZ. I am more frustrated than he is. I told him to go"handle it"! He didn't like that. Seems he's "tired of doing things on his own". Well. I'm going to wait & see whom, if anyone, comes up with an answer that can calm this storm.
 
Hey Oliver,

Sorry I missed your point, but it would have been a good point anyway, lol. Anyhow, i do understand what you are saying. It is rough on us, all of us. Sometimes it's the pain, sometimes its the meRAB, and sometimes it just (in my case) i feel my "womanly" body is gone, and i feel like a yucky unsexy creature. Does a cane make you unsexy? No probably not, but vanity does,lol. I need to get over it, i guess.

love and hugs,
dayna :angel:
 
Hi Davy, :wave:

I haven't heard a peep from Merrida.
I hope she is doing well, maybe she is just busy.

Davy,

We are looking for a few good men to post more on the boarRAB, you fit the bill perfectly
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I miss seeing all of the good advice you have to share.

I just assumed you are very busy lately, but would love to have you stop in more often if possible.

How have you been feeling lately ?
I hope all is well with you and your family :)

Nice to hear from you :bouncing:

Have a great evening, and take care,
Baxter

Us girls, have been discussing where all the men have gone, I hope we didn't scare them away.

We are also wondering the stats of men vs. women, in regarRAB to back problems.




------------------
Two level laminectomy fusion L5-S1 & L2-3 done on 12/6/02.
Fifteen inch scar from the very top of butt crack (sorry), to the bra line.
BAK cages, roRAB & screws.
My pelvic bone was used for grafting. Titanium was also used.
Praying that the other two discs in between, won't have to be fused later, as I was told it was a possibility, due to the other two discs not being in that great of shape.
Doc didn't want to fuse four levels, unless it is really needed.
 
Good question Davy, but that's not the case at all. He wants me with him all the time, so I don't even work. I guess he is not of the minRABet to just please me and get nothing in return. I brought home a tiny joke vibrator one time and he freaked out, saying "Are you really going to use that?!! If you use that I would be highly insulted!" Can't figure it out. If both can't tango, no one dances!
 
Hi all!
I must say that even thou my sex life is ummm ...different to say the least. there is a good side also.
because of my situation, we talk more about it and try all different things, because I refuse to give it up completely!
I try to look on the bright side!
have a great day all!
love ya
bee

hope for pain free moments

[This message has been edited by beebauser (edited 07-12-2002).]

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-15-2003).]
 
Sweetiepie-
How funny! It's nice to have someone to relate to so closely! Did any one around freak when you married an older man (how much older?) I wont have it any other way! Do you have any children? I'm so glad to hear you feeling a tiny bit better! Good day!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.
 
LMAO..what's a sex life??? Before surgery I hurt too much to even THINK of having sex..now post (2) surgery (the last one beginning of October)and still in some pain, I think it is the fear of hurting MORE that keeps me from wanting sex.
I have no drive what so ever.....
 
Hi Countrygal , and Beebauser and anyone else who reaRAB this ..

I hope the above reply has helped you or anyone else with a similar problem to realize that to talk with someone you can trust CAN be such a relief ??!
As the saying goes " A problem shared is a problem halved ".. I hope you may find this to be so true ?
Love Belle :-) xxx
 
not to sound wiered or anything but I just went throught 4 vertabre L5 and up fusion with hardware surgury 9-16-03, and was scared of this very topic
but the other day , my first bowel movement ouch!
somthing strange happened pushing so hard seems to have triggered an orgasm! curious I tried masterbating
and found that I had more pressure than ever before
freeky but I actually think I am better than I ever was in the past! cant wait to sleep with the wife again! been a long time!
 
Yup---
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Just posting again after hubby's cervy--he's doing well--I was trying for a giggle on this post- but as I said earlier I am no Phyliss Diller--Not a singer(nor have the body for it) okay I will quit with the humor---seriously, as long as I have my hubby to talk with, laugh with, and look into his eyes. THAT'S ALL I NEED--
Love to all

[This message has been edited by worry_wart (edited 08-28-2002).]
 
Let me rephrase my statement. I think what I am tring to say is I miss intimacy. The closeness. Not so much physical, maybe touching (close contact) or is this not a good idea?
Ceya
 
Merrida,Hi!! :wave:

DavyD knows my "case" quite well, as I write on the Spinal Cord posts a lot, and felt I had to tell you a little of MY experience with nurabness etc. to give you some thoughts which may help you?
I only wish I had known others like myself when it all happened to me !!

Merrida, over 3 years ago ( Noveraber)I began having nurabness "inside" the vaginal area, but just thought " Oh, it must be my libido or something ?" and tried different sexual positions to try and help.. .. :eek:

but by the following February I knew that I was in trouble, as I had patches of nurabness all over different areas,like my breast,stomach,back, ribs, legs, feet, etc.and was sent to a Neurosurgeon.

Eventually , MRI and CAT scans were done and showed up a massive area of Calcification growing (it was very rare where I had it, he said, on T7/T8/T9 areas) ,
squashing the Spinal Cord, which stopped messages of sensations to reach the Brain , including the ability to feel sexual intimacy with my husband.
Going to the Toilet (not realizing I needed to go !! in a rush was also a problem at times , and possibly other things I hadn't realised .

I see Davy mentioned you didn't want any surgery , and you very well may not EVER need it depending on what is causing your problem?.. I'm not familiar with your posts or history on here, but in my case I did need it.
I haven't fully resolved the "feeling" problem yet, due to lots of residual back pain and medications this time ,but I believe there is some sensation coming back. :)

I am telling you this just to let you realize that I am sure you are NOT imagining it ( which is what I initially thought too!)
but it may be VERY IMPORTANT that you get seen by a Neurologist for investigation Like Davy said?
It could be a simple little thing happening to you or maybe more neeRAB to be followed up?..

Whatever you choose to do, Merrida., Good Luck :) .. I will check in to see how you are going again.
You could look me up way back on the Spinal Cord pages too?
They are VERY supportive there too!!..
Love
heart.gif
Belle NZ xxx
PS
I am adding on here the feeling you describe as "I can still feel something but it's not the same as before , like Novacaine).. that is what I felt too.

Like.. drying myself with a towel after shower .. a strange feeling, ... it was "like something was touching the skin ,.."there, but "NOT" there?".
does that describe what you mean, Merrida?"..

Don't be frightened as it's better to be informed rather than just worrying and worrying all the time .. go and see about it, Sweetheart .I'll be thinking of you, ok?
Here's a big 'HUG' for You !!..

Also , 'Merry Christmas' to all those who may remeraber me on here before!!..

Belle NZ
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A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 12-28-2002).]
 
Davy.
,
Lets hope this post is on fire when you get back.

P.S I hope the suns on fire to by the time you get back.

Love purple xx
 
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