Anyone's sex life affected by pain or numbness.

[Merrida]

Ceya, I think it's a very good idea, and it's beautiful to see that it isn't just the sex but also the closeness you miss. Men think a little differently than women do. They are more "goal" oriented, we are more "action" oriented. So to a man if he isn't hitting home base, he feels he's let you down and that he himself isn't scoring. It's important to recognize that even though it's different for you, that you don't necessarily need that, - it's important to realize that he does. Seeing things from his perspective, and what is important to him -- as well as what is important to you.

Communication is key, it really works. Just be patient but don't give up. Persevere and talk and above all else, listen! Stay close, God bless.

 

[Kali M]

You know, Judy, some medications can cause secretions to dry up and could be complicating your situation. You might want to ask your doc next time you see him/her about the side effects of any meRAB you're on. I'm not sure about this, but twice with surgeries I've experienced this, and both times I was on antibiotics. I'm not sure enough about the connection to make a stand on that, though. I do know that Calcium can have a drying effect on some folks.

Also, I'm not gonna be rude enough to ask your age, but loss of estrogen (as occurs in menopause) is a very common cause of vaginal dryness and pain. Many women going through menopause complain about this. I may ask my boss (Ob/Gyn) about this tomorrow - if I can remeraber!! I'll write it down and at least try to get back to you within a week.

KM

 

[AlisonM]

Well it is a very interesting topic. However, I have not experienced it ( Hope I dont ever ). However I agree that it should not be taboo and I hope the people on this board are confortable with them selves and us to not be erabaressed. As with all the other stuff we are going through it is a medical problem nothing to be shy over. Hope you are doing well Every body! Much love for you all,

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

 

[vikki007]

ok, here goes.My names a bit obvious so I will be found out . What the heck! I have suffered the nurabness inside my vag also .My clit was also nurab.I was terrified.Sometimes the lips would go very sensitive and when touched even lightly it felt like millions of pins sticking in me. As for orgasm, forget it.But ,I persisted and with some external help during sex I had one.I have since discovered that the incredible release of blood flow to the pelvic region after the orgasm gave me some feeling back temporarily.
I decided to experiment and each time, I felt a little better. maybe it was a corabination of all the things I have been doing/taking but I am now giving myself an orgasm at least every 2nd day. External only.( no pressure by yourself, if it dosen't work you can just try again later).My nurab leg is feeling again, my toes are back and I have reflexes in my leg and foot again.I hope you don't all think I'm a nut.It really has helped.Anyway at lewast I have hotted up the topic!! It was rather conservative.come on, I can't be the only one who has tried this??? Come on. TRUTH OR DARE!!!

 

[njshiplett]

Thanks KaliM
Well here goes... I am 46. I do not take anitbiotics or calcium. I have had a hysterectomy. and I take natural hormones (as if there is such thing). I do take other medication for the pain and depression/sleep problem. Trazadone for depression/sleep. I can maybe get where some of the problem with dryness is but the pain in the vagina is a real stopper, I can't take it so we don't do "it". This problem is sure a stressful one!!! Thanks all for sharing. I started on new medication yesterday, since we starting new I don't think the amount is enough. I am having a pretty rough time right now.

 

[nanna02]

:wave: Well Hello to you All !!

I have not been on this post since June 2004 ,..! I was the one who began these " Sex Problems Posts " way back , for those with Back Pain , nurabness etc , along with many familiar names , Davy D , bee bauser , .. we all could relate to this problem many of us having horrible operations which changed our lives , with constant pain, & our previously normal sex lives affected to add insult to injury !! This then affected our partners in an unfair manner as well.

I first began on the HealtrabroadoarRAB in 2002 !! It was a lifesaver for me !! and much appreciated when I needed some likeminded people to relate to and to help as well.

I am still in the same situation ,.. 52 1/2yrs old , in a wheelchair , on pain meRAB everyday, but this is " normal life " for me now , .. can't feel any thing internally , sex doesn't even want to happen in my mind much now , no libido whatsoever !!
but my husband is still trying to have patience with me ,
.. I try to be accommodating , just for him , to relieve himself , but at times I can't wait to get it over and done with . Sorry .

Our relationship has had its up & downs , with so many situations , but the nice thing for me especially , being a Mother , is our daughter has just had her 2nd baby just 2 days ago , another dear little girl :angel: so I'm a Grandmother again !

I love my first dear wee 2yr old grand daughter , :angel: whom all my frienRAB on here who may remeraber me (BELLE) might remeraber me telling them about HER being born !

Time has gone so fast , I have realised to treasure those things which mean so much.. I try to live each day , one day at a time , it's not always easy , .. but to be thankful for the precious things in my life .

I hope you all are doing as well as possible , I am so pleased to be able to say hello to you ALL.. I will look on here to see what's happening , in between babysitting !!

Love to Everyone .. Belle :wave: xxxx

 

[AlisonM]

I hope after you rest you feel better. I am finding lately that I have to lay with my neck completly flat which I hate! I like to sleep on my side with a body pillow but my neck is just starting to feel the pain when I do so.
Does your husband have a good enough job to pull the way ok? That has got to be rough. I still work but not doing CNA stuff. And the desk in school are major PIA'S (being a cna I'm guessing you know what that means) I always have to get up and walk around and stuff. Very annoying. Take care dear!

------------------
-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.

 

[DavyD]

Hi Berenice

Soooooooo Goooood to hear from you

I hope that man of yours is looking after you down in Normandy way!!!

Only jesting, how are you? your husband and daughter.I hope you and your daughter have recovered from your latest surgeries and that you are relatively pain free?I truly hope that,that is not just wishful thinking on my part.

to you my dear friend and to your family,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!

 

[nanna02]

Oh Cozy ! :wave:
I am So sad for you Love, I really am!
There is so much I wish I could do to help you and your husband;
He can't obviously understand how you feel Cozy, but he shouldn't be bringing his anger out on you!..You didn't ask for this to happen to You, did you?..
You can't change it .. just wait to heal..and that takes TIME!
He is frustrated with this whole situation (like my husband ), and I do honestly understand how he feels.
It's So unfair !!
Please tell me, have you spoken to anyone at all,away from this board, about what is happening to you? and your Husband ?..

It is not FAIR on either of you to carry this all on your own!...

If you look at Davy's page on the Spinal Disorders post as we said , you may get some idea what we're going thru as well, trying to get medical people talking , listening, and taking this sexual disfunction problem seriously!...
BUT.. I have been married for 31 years and we know each other well. That helps...
.
but you sound younger (or am I wrong, Cozy?)
and you desperately need someone to talk to your husband (and you!)before this gets Worse..
Please try to do this?! He neeRAB an understanding ear too.
but it's YOU who is copping the brunt of all this .. feeling GUILTY,etc.
AND YOU SHOULDN'T BE! It'S WRONG and UNFAIR!

I DO KNOW how it FEELS to be in that horrible position Cozy !..

I don't know how else to help you Cozy, except to say try and talk to a Councillor, or your GP, tell them how he's reacting.. it's not good for you OR him to get so Stressed like that .
Please try and talk with someone .. but do keep writing on here too!.. I'll be watching out for you Love !!
I am worried for you and thinking of you!..

Keep in Touch?..
Belle NZ.. ..xxx



------------------
A Friend!

 

[successtory]

Hi All,

Just read the over 90 replies to original message re sex. I won't repeat what all have said...as I agree with everyone about the drive-pain-etc. I am a 41 yr old female and have been married for 10 years (known hubby for 28 years). My hubby had the patience of a saint until 6 months post-I.D.E.T. Then things started to get broken (slammed against the wall). Talking stopped that behavior, as well as some investigations on my part.

For those with nurabness in the perinium (that is the medical terminology)--much easier to say rather than the groin area, vagina, etc. I had an inverted hernia with 2 completely ruptured disks at L4-L5 and L5-S1. Disks were rebuilt using Nucleoplasty and Intra-Discal Injections and then "burned" with the I.D.E.T. procedure. Surgery was in February 2002. Have since gotten back feeling and have reinstigated relations with hubby. But ONLY after lots of PT and work on my part. PELVIC TILTS. If you want to gain feeling back before/during/after sex.....PELVIC TILTS. ESPECIALLY if you can maintain the pelvic tilt during sex (a trick, but can be done after strength exercises). ICE your back pre-sex...this will take the swelling down and give your nerve there a little breathing room. Try aroma therapy (Jasmine is a good one to start with) or natural remedies (there are some very good herbs out there to help with sexual dysfunction). A great back massage pre-sex can be quite helpful too! Hope I've given some ideas to other fellow-sufferers. Good luck!

 

[nanna02]

Hi All! and Trace! :wave:

Just want to say here it is so nice to know we are not alone with this anyway , there must be MANY people having this same unhappy circumstance yet no one talks about it do they .?

We have to do it "behind the scenes " where we feel comfortable , and anonymous eh?..
Thank God for the Message Board .. to vent our worries !!
Love Belle NZ xxx

------------------
A Friend!

 

[beebauser]

wow is this an old one, are there any of the old timers left?
would love to hear
bee

 

[njshiplett]

Davy,
No I did'nt blush!!! Nothin much makes me blush these day. Thanks on the info on the cream. I talked with hubby about the situation. He claims he don't need sex that much. Once in a while would be ok, but no big deal he say!!! He is 10 years older than I (whether that makes a difference, I don't know, probably depenRAB on individual) He is a great man and is sooooooo good to me, if I was wealthy I'd be queen!!! he says I am queen of his world. I just don't know if I can really believe him. He is probably saying that just so I'll relax! He never approaces me for it. Now is that a great man or what?

These new meRAB I am on is not kicking in very fast, I have had a very rought and depressing day. I have prayed for my frienRAB, thanked Him for all his blessings and ask for forgivness of all I've done and for what I don't know I did. If the Lord takes me now, it's ok by me. Thanks for chatting with me, I hope you all know how uplifting it is. I'm going to try to get some sleep, did not sleep good last night so maybe I will crash tonight. Check with ya'll tomorrow.
Judy

 

[nanna02]

Hi there beebauser!! :wave:

Yes this is an old Post from way back !
We had such a lot of fun with davy D and yet we helped each other so much, the input and help we got from each other was great ;

I had such a lot of unbelievable pain after the 3rd Spinal Operation I sometimes didn't want to live , no kidding , it was utter hell, but I have survived .
I still have to struggle every day to control some aspects of my life , such as nerve damage pain which will probably always be part of my life , but my sex life does not seem such a No 1 issue anymore as much as it was initially , when I was on here writing all those posts ..

Looking back , I realize it was the shock of discovering I had no internal feeling or sensation inside , and not being able to respond to my husband as I used to, which then caused me/ us a terrible stress in our life ;

I felt inadequate , and undesirable , naturally , but it was the lack of help or advice from the medical people we spoke to which prompted the Subject /Post of -

"Anyones' sex life affected by pain or nurabness ?"

As time has gone on , I have found my husband and I are more settled with what we expect of each other sexually , and he seems happy with my sexy imaginative ideas to give him pleasure , even if I can't feel everything completely as I used to, so this makes ME feel happy too.

I am 52 and he is 53 , and have lots of other things in our lives to keep us happy as well.

So beebauser , it's LOVELY to see you pop up on here ,

I hope others who may remeraber this old post , or others who have a sex life affected by pain or nurabness like I did ,
please join in, tell us if you need help?
You don't need to feel alone with it all..

Love Belle xxx

 

[OLIVER-DOVE]

Hey Guys,

To get back to the subject. I think this is worse on us. Not having a npormal sex drive or being able to even enjoy the possibility is hardest on us. It only shows us how we are a fraction of our former selves. I come from a very conservative background and even the mention of relations was not something one discusses. I have found myself more and more bringing it out as a subject to be discussed. I started talking to my doctor about it and he told me that it is quite common for this to happen with folks in our condition. For some of use our mechanicisms are throw off due to the possibility of pain. The old addage if you get hit in the head by a 2 by 4 every time then after a while you will stop doing it. There are some of us who because of nerve damage can not perform. The third an most affected group and probbaly the largest group are the one's who have both conditions. Sure pain medications don't help the situation and without them we would be basket cases so, that can't be touched. Then we must find ways to get satifaction which are less stressful on our bodies. Also we have tremedous guilt about not being there for our partners. I think if need be one must be willing to try anything and everything to find a way to bring harmony to both lives. This does take a lot of soul searching as well as a lot of walls we build in our relationships to be torn down so that we can find that paradise we once all enjoyed. It is easy for the young ones who are still learning what it is all about. Trial and error is normal for them. But, for those of us who have found that set regiment of what each partner wants and gets satifaction from time and time again it is hard to open the doors of exploration again. We have swung from the chadeliers and it served no purpose but to be a stunt. So, how do we open those doors again to find our new nirvana. Many of us find it is better to ignore and hope for some miracle to happen. Maybe for that one night in 100 where everything does work. I find it frustrating that I have lost my sex drive not because I wanted to but because it became to hard to get everything to work right and to do it with little or no pain. That makes it work not enjoyment. So here we sit each day getting a little bit more cranky and frustrated at why our lives have been dealt such a hard blow. I can only hope that time will be kind in my recovery and somehow I get a least some function back.

Talk to you later,

Oliver :wave:

 

[DavyD]

Hi Merrida and ALL,

Your reply to Ceya 17/12 was to say the least excellent and the reply's to same

It is so very important to realise that we sufferers have to remain close to our partners and more importantly to keep all lines of communication open.
In this way we grow into a more loving and meaningfull relationship and I suppose re-learn that we (Partners) are each others best frienRAB.Selfless "is" the key word I would suggest, and not selfish.

to you ALL and Merry Xmas and Happy New Year

:wave: for now,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Nurabness

 

[emeraldbee]

Hello, everyone:

Now, to the serious business.....for all of you spouses, are there any support groups in your areas? Too many times we as professionals and patients fail to give the proper consideration to the stress put on the caregiver. Not to make excuses for them, but it would seem that in a male caregiver's case it's hurt the one you love, do it yourself, or hurt the one you love (by NOT doing it yourself). There is a caregivers board, you might want to check them out, although I doubt they have ANYONE like Davy and Bee over ther

Cozy,
Your hubby may be frustrated, but a tantrum is a tantrum (otherwise known as poor impulse control and anger management). What if one of those flying objects had hit you?!? As for yourself, you are not obligated to suffer his little fits because "You're the reason..." You did not ask for your condition and you cannot CHANGE your condition. Don't fall into the trap of becoming a marthyr. The truth is that some people use that as a means of controlling the rest of the household.

As for hubby, is there anything creative you guys can try that doesn't involve penetration (sorry folks I'm 'living single' in the Bible Belt)? Actually, romance novels are little more than porno in a pretty cover. You could get some ideas there. At any rate, unfortunately, what I think you guys need most is counseling. He sounRAB like he doesn't want to talk to YOU, maybe he'll open up with some one else. He might even consider going on his own to address his sense of frustration and anger.

Well, so long for now. Davy this has been helpful, informative (not to mention educational ) and I bet someone's love life has been given a lift

Take care and God's blessings to all

:wave:


[This message has been edited by emeraldbee (edited 08-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by emeraldbee (edited 08-22-2002).]

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-15-2003).]

 

[worry_wart]

Yup---:O:

 

[baxter]

Hi Belle, :wave:

Long time, no talk, I do see your postings on the spinal cord disorders page, you are such a great help to everyone over there.

I don't have any problems on this topic of conversation, other than I can't remeraber the last time we did it, just kidding, it was a few days before my lurabar fusion on 12/6/02

Not sure when we will "do it" again though !

I just wanted to say that I think your posting to Merrida is very well written, and you really are speaking from your heart.
You have once again taken the time out of your busy life, to give somebody some much needed support and advice.
I hope you get good things in return, such as 100% pain relief, and many more good things to come your way.

It sounRAB as though you both are having a terrible time dealing with this issue, and I'm sorry to hear that, I hope things improve each and every day.

I will be praying for you both :angel:

Have a terrific, fun filled weekend, and a Very Happy New Year !

Take care,
Baxter

 

[DavyD]

Hi Michelle and Welcome
Hi Bee my dear friend,

As you said Bee, this is a serious subject which affects most if not all of us and your suggestion of hubby watching is a good one.He can join in by lightly caressing and gently kissing

to you both and ALL,

Davy




------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Nurabness