Anyone's sex life affected by pain or numbness.

  • Thread starter Thread starter dayna5
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Hi Davy,
Thank you for your kind worRAB. Outlook for hubby is not good. Wheelchair and paralysis is what we have to look forward to unless a miracle happens and someone figures out how to repair a sciatic nerve and remove scar tissue.
Take care,
Lori
 
Hi All! :wave:
..It is great to see you are all opening up to this subject. We needed this; so many people are suffering in silence!.. I wish so many others could use a computer and see this post;.. Now, I saw someone saying about women using vibrators to help them .. Yes I agree for those that can, they do work , and men possibly do enjoy using them with their wives/partners ..

So, patience and love is a virtue in this matter .
Thanks for the idea Davy on the Creme ..
Love to All Belle NZ xxx

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A Friend!

[This message has been edited by belle0050 (edited 09-07-2002).]
 
WOW, someone opened a can of worms. Isn't it great to be able to share very personal things like that? Unfortunately, I have nothing so "juicy" to share.

LeAnne :bouncing:

Alison,
I was just noticing that we were in the same profession. Nurses AIdes. My husband is also much older than me. Are you sure you aren't me???? LOL
 
You beat me to it Davy!
IT'S A GREAT POST.

I think it's something that most of us spineys get affected by at some time or other?


As Davy said don't be shy, jump in on the post you know your not the only one out there.....

See-ya soon... :eek:

love PURPLE XX
 
Hi Purple,

Just thought it would be beneficial to get this most worth post off the ground, As you know there are no holRAB barred over in the Spinal Disorders Post, particularly with Belle,Bee and yourself, and QUITE RIGHT TOO!!!

Thank you for your frienRABhip and support Purple.

Love to ALL,

Davy
 
Bee-
Hey hone! I just wanted to say that I applaud you fo rsaying you refuse to give up. I know there are cases when you just can't, but I think it is very cool that you are not happy to get out of it. I am 22 and my husband is 37, so you know sometimes (but not at all often) I want it more than him. It has decreased some generally just because I'm so tired from living all day in pain. But if there is any way I am defenitaly up for it! Anyway I just wanted to tell you GOOD FOR YOU!

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-Alison
DDD widespread, several disc hernations mostly L4,L5-S1 region, canal too small, nerve root clump, and multiple dehydrated disc. Have not had surgery yet.
 
Oliver,

You are extremely well spoken. I'm sure this whole issue has to be very difficult for guys. Probably much more so than us girls. The whole idea of masculinity is tied to sex. It's no walk in the park for any of us, but I think guys have it harder. (No pun intended.)

Cozy,

I feel for your situation. I can't imagine a spouse that throws thing from anger. Would he be open to anger management? They are good classes for all of us. I'm sure we can all see where our anger and that of our spouses is coming from. This whole situation stinks for everybody. I hope you are able to talk about your sex life with him. Try talking when he you aren't in bed and he can be a little more rational. His attitude is so uncaring.

Missy :D
 
Leanne,
Sorry to hear your not having a good day.
I know what you mean with regarRAB the money situation, I to used to work but now we are on one wage, it's hard to adjust is'nt it?

I cannot see myself going back either if the docs don't pull there finger out and fix me.

HOPE You have a nice nap and wake feeling a bit BLOODY WELL refreshed.... :D

lOVE purple xx
 
Hi Lori,Pebbles and Belle,

Thank you all for your input's as Belle said,too many people suffer in silence and it is great we have this board to air our feelings and to give each other ideas.

I hope you husband takes some of these ideas on board Lori,like Pebbles suggested, I am sure he loves you,but part of love is in the giving not in the taking and as everyone knows who is married or who has a long term partner you have to be Selfless and not Selfish in our Love

Belle,

I am quite sure that the future is going to be good to you, the nurabness, I pray will go, and then "WHAT AN ORGASM" :D
dance.gif
:D

The Viacreme really works,just ask Elaine :)It can be found just by entering it in your search feature and has been said to work for women as Viagra works for Men.As I said, I know it works,Elaine has vouched for it.

heart.gif
to ALL

Davy (((((((((( Hugs to you all))))))))))))




------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
 
Hey Folks,

I think some of you out there took my post as being from a man's point of view. Of course I am a man and I guess I have stated things from my perspective. But, we I say "us" I mean those of us who are in the pain and the daily sruggle of having spine problems. Whether you be man or woman I see that we are always saying how sorry we are for our partners. You know the ones that don't live in the constant pain. I think we must be a bit more concerned with our own wants and desires. Remeraber none of us asked to be in our condition. I think that our partners could be more understanding about this and realize that if they truely love us they will be willing to find other ways to get pleasure. We are not dead but are currently very fragile. So, when the moment arrives again with your partner I would suggest that the conversation not be " I can't" but, "let's see what we can do". I have always found that the posibility of satisfaction, and the hope of new avenues can be even more exciting. No one's partner I hope wants to hurt his or her love one so, I hope some new plataeu can be reached in your relationships.

Oliver :wave:
 
:wave: Hi All

:wave: I'm bumping this up for the LAST time as I think we need to begin a NEW Thread , as this old one is so long?!!! ?..

Maybe we could call it "SEX and Back Pain Problems Posts ( SBPPP) :D
for short? LOL

Anyway, if you think it's a worthwhile post , lets know ?
I could begin it now?.. :)
Love Belle NZ xxx
 
Hi all! I'm new to this board also, but am very glad that I found it! My husband and I very, very rarely have any type of sex anymore. For some odd reason, I had it in my head that I was the only one in the world who hurt to bad to perform! Strange, huh? Anyway, I know how hard it is on him and when I tell him that I'm hurting too bad, then I feel soooo guilty! He doesn't push it though. Sometimes when the pain is so bad, he just looks at me and says "Not tonight, huh?" Talk about GUILT!!!I mean, we even sleep in seperate beRAB (I have to sleep in a hospital bed that I can elevate or lower depending on a restful position), in different rooms, on opposite enRAB of the house. Most of the time, sex is the last thing on my mind!

I have Fibromyalgia, along with lower back pain. I'm having a discography done this Tuesday (boy, do I dread that, LOL). My doctor says because of the Fibromyalgia that I'll hurt worse than most would, so I really need the prayers of all you good people! Thanks so much for all the posts, I really appreciate them................Juju7tou
 
When i read through these posts some with laughter,frustration,i think of some of the folks that are in too weird things,and for the life of me cannot in shape form or fashion understand willing pain........

For us over 40 folks and constant pain though it is missed it seems not to be as big as factor in our younger days. We have learned to be creative communicate more touch more and cuddle lots........on top out of question side by side lots of touching...............There is a major blessing being in relationship with spouce for over 24 years.........
It is so hard if in chronic, orconstant pain,to think about pleasure when we just want to make it through the next pain wave without crying or screaming or both.

The idea of just survivin is important cause so much energy is spent on trying to act like we aren't in pain when we are or just trying to get through daily schuduel, then putting up emotions, that we do not have the energy for to even pretend.

For those that have supportive mechanisms show them in other ways communicate with little things. Touching cuddleing huging snuggaling can go a very long way..............
 
Hey guys,

That i think is the one thing i miss the most is the lack of crazy sex drive. I was ok until i was put on the klonipin and stuff i think. Plus pain has gotten alot worse, so....who knows...plus my daughter kicked us out of our bed and we are now sleeping on the couch, lol. It is better than her clirabing in bed with us and kicking my back. (she sleeps sideways and I've given up bringing her back, doesn't work)

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!


LOVE AND HUGS,
Dayna :angel:
 
Hi DavyD, et al :wave:

Great topic! I feel I've been really fortunate in this area. I husband and I were married less than a year ago and he has been really understanding about this.

We have experimented with positions, etc. and have been lucky to find some that work without causing me pain. On top might work for some back pain sufferers but it doesn't work for me because of pain in my hip and knee joints. We found putting a couple of pillows under my buttocks worked for us. And I bet the spoon position would work fine too. Another thing to consider is having alternative sex. Well, that doesn't seem quite the right term to express what I mean! What I'm talking about is having sex that doesn't necessary include penetration. Kissing. cuddling, nuzzling, necking, massage, masturbation, etc. is what I'm referring to. Pretend that you and your partner are teenagers who aren't allowed to have "sex" and see what ways you can come up with to pleasure each other. Sex therapists often recommend this method for couples who sex life has gone
t_down.gif
so maybe it will work for those whose sex lives are on hold because of pain?

I have been lucky enough not to experience nurabness in my genital area except during the very height of this episode (back in May) and then it was only a slight nurabness/needles and pins sensation on the left labia. As the inflamation of the sciatic nerve decreased, I regained full sensation in that area.

I hope I've not offended/erabarrassed anyone with my frankness :) I used to work as a social worker for child protective services and one of my many duties was to visit all pregnant teens and their inseminators and explain to them why they shouldn't be having unprotected sex
redface.gif
I had to explain to them all about various STRAB etc, also. After doing this, and answering their questions, one tenRAB to find it easier to be frank about sexual matters. And one learns how important it is to share information, especially on topics that people are normally too erabarrassed to discuss!

:angel: kvanrijn

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History:
Severe pain lower back & left leg/foot beginning 5/2002
Nurabness & loss of some movement in left foot 5/2002
MRI 8/2002 results:
DDD with annular tears at L4-5 and L5-S1.
Large left paramedian disc extrusion at L5-S1 which results in mass effect on left S1 nerve root and left side of thecal sac.
 
Lori, I am so sorry hun has your hubby been to the doctor? If so is there anything they can do? Have you talked to your hubby about how much you miss having a physical relationship? I have just recently had surgery and it has made all the difference in the world where my sex life is concerned and I just had surgery in July.Prior to that my hubby and I just had to be very creative :)Please let me know if you want to talk.I know how frustrating it is for you and I am here if you need me.
 
Hi Countrygal! :wave:

I'm glad to see you reply about this as you also have found it hard to talk about; It is very difficult to discuss , even with our best frienRAB , which is why the anonymity of communicating on here with others who have similar problems helped me feel I wasn't so alone . !

It has been about 2 years or so now for me to come to terms with the fact my body may never be able to 'feel' normal sensations internally ever again;or respond the way I used to, ; my body or legs go into spasms and does weird things when he lies on top of me, which I have no control over, so I have had to look for other methoRAB to satisfy myself and my husband.

We were more -so angry with the Drs whom we approached , trying to get them to talk about it, but I was told " they don't learn about 'that ' in medical school" , so we were left 'floundering' to work out answers ourselves .

Anyway, I am ok now , but I did ask my husband at one stage, when things got tough with stress , (as I have been in a wheelchair fulltime for the last year, and 2 yrs on crutches before that,)
if he wanted to find another woman,- I said I wouldn't have blamed him ,it's been so awful for him , what he's seen me go through,
but he said "NO!!" :angel:

So he seems to be happy with my sexy ideas to please him,

and I can have on Orgasm !! Countrygal , :bouncing:

but only on the clitoral area , with the help of a vibrator, so at least I can feel something, thank goodness !!

( that BIG "O" word you wouldn't say on here !! :o LOL ) !!!

It's perfectly fine to say it you know , as that's why we're on here , to help each other with our problems.

So there you have it Countrygal, I am very open , and found when I did open up the subject , just how many others with back problems , or spinal injuries /operations had sexual disfunction problems too.

I even told my Gynecologist who did my smear test about our intimacy problems & the lack of GPs' help, and she asked me to talk to 220 3rd year med Students recently ,in the hope they may approach the subject differently when in their future medical practices. I was told the Lecture presentation was a real success. So it goes to show , we CAN make changes happen , eh?

I hope this may have helped you, or others on here , like ourselves , to think and try and talk about it with others too ? Your specialist maybe ?

Please write again if there is anything I can help with, Countrygal..
Take Care
Love Belle xxx :)
 
Hi Bee,KM,Jujutou and Judy :)

Bee, I have said to Elaine to get her backside onto the puter chair and write.. She loves to look in but thinks that she doesn't have anything to contribute.. Do you believe that,, The amount of pain she has and the inventivness that she has is amazing :D

She say's she will write soon though, dont want to pressure her so will leave it be and she WILL do it in her own time. She is looking over my shoulder as I write this and suggests to Judy that she might want to try Viacreme (The Female equivalent of Viagra) as it has anasthetic type qualities.

I can't remeraber if I wrote about it before but will mention again that you can get it by order on the internet.. It comes in small tubes and on squeezing it looks like clear KY Jelly.. As said it has anasthetic type qualities and is very good as a lubricant.. It comes with full instructions, but for the uninitiated the Man puts a drop on the end of his finger and gently rubs about a quarter of an inch below the clitoris for about 10 mins... After that the stuff takes effect by giving off heat and tingling sensations which are very good indeed Elaine say's.

Another application it is good for is anal penetration Judy.. Sorry did I make you blush there :) It may be beneficial for you if your vagina continues to be too sore, but obviously it depenRAB on your preferences.

I do not mean to be offensive nor to erabarass anyone, if I have done then I appologise unreservedly but my aim is to tell it the way it is in an true and adult fashion.

As for sleeping in seperate beRAB.. Elaine and I sleep in seperate beRAB due to her having had an operation on both feet due to her ongoing Rheumatoid Arthritis.. couldn't have me burabing against them... This doesn't affect the way we feel about each other nor does it interfere with our sex life, it is for the time being just the way it is.

I have heard quite a lot of people say they feel quilty about not being able tp have an active sex life due to pain, nurabness or whatever... Please try not to appologise as in my opinion it is far better to talk openly about it with your partners and get it out into the open. That way each of our partners understanRAB the limitations that we may have and then together I am sure each of you can work out a way with your partners to go some way to maintaining a partly active sex life. The point is, as Bee said each of us has to be adventurous and there is more to sex than intercourse.. There is holding,carressing,cuddling, kissing, licking... Get the message :)

I will bid you all a good evening, time here 00:38 am getting tired, off to give Elaine a Kiss and Cuddle then off to bed seperately, well we will just have to wait and see after the Kiss and Cuddle eh!!! :D

:wave: for now frienRAB,

heart.gif
to ALL,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Nurabness

[This message has been edited by DavyD (edited 11-19-2002).]
 
Hi Merrida :)

Have you talked to your Doc about this new development???
Nurabness in this area points to a deterioration in the nerves serving this area.

I had this nurabness in the groin area and your description of the novacain feeling is spot on. As you may well know I also had it in both legs and since my surgery things have improved considerably including my impotence problem. Prior to surgery I had to use Viagra as I was totaly flacid, now I can manage very well without the aid of chemical assistance.

I think I am correct in saying that you want to avoid surgery at all costs reading from some of your previous posts?? I would suggest a consultation with a Neurologist and a further MRI should you already have had one.
To be honest I am a bit concerned at this latest development you have and I feel you should have it checked out sooner rather than later.

This is not intended to scare you, this is merely my opinion based on MY experience.

I wish you and yours a Merry Xmas and a Happy Hogmany :D

:wave: for now,

heart.gif
to ALL,

Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Nurabness, but in the past month or so has eased considerably... YES!!!!
 
Thank you for your advice I fully agree with you. That is one reason I wanted to hear from you. You are in a similiar place as he is. I would never want to hurt is ego or make him feel like he is not statisfing me. Besides I am scared to hug him fear it may hurt him. Just needed some help if I should discuss this or wait. You are right about him being a very wonderful man. I would never want to make him feel less.
Thank you,
Ceya
 
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