Women - how do you deal with the annoyance of the stereotypes of beauty in...

A

annoyed

New member
...western culture as you age? Women - have you ever woken-up and just been TIRED of trying to fit into a mold of being size 2 or 4 and "perfect" on the outside? Yet at the same time fearing that if you didn't you would be rejected and loose any sense of power/respect/admiration/attention in this culture?

At age 32 now, I feel like I am loosing my "power" and that as I age --- I generally feel worthless about it. I decided to go to counseling about this - and investigate where these deep-seeded ideas of self-worth and beauty come from.

I am realizing that not only did get it from my mother - but everywhere I turned I was validated on my self-worth mostly for my looks growing up....now, as an aging 30 something ---- I feel so threatened by women in their 20s and left feeling this - holy crap what do I do now...who am I... what does this mean? Can I feel "drop" this fear of what will happen if I am not perfect on the outside?

If you have encountered this ---- how did you deal with it? Books? Resources? I am open to all advice - except flaming or nasty comments!


thank you!
go troll someplace else if you don't want to be constructive ----- thank you!
 
Certainly. This October I will be 18 in a world where 17 is a woman's "prime" :(

But seriously, I do find I don't fit to stereotypes of beauty in a lot of ways. Things are slowly changing, but for most of my middle school and high school life, hourglass figures were out of fashion. I personally think they're really pretty (and not just because I have one), but the message was, relatively straight body, very skinny, big boobs. I had to struggle with that because although I'm thin I'm not skinny, and I do have a different figure than the "preferred" one.

I used to spend hours of each day standing in front of mirrors or shop windows looking at my face and body and just hating it. I hate to admit it, but the main thing that helped me overcome this was being with my ex, who called me beautiful every day for the first 6 months of our relationship. For some reason, though, even after he dumped me my confidence about my appearance remains high.

I think ultimately what you have to do is kind of like the age-old piece of advice: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. Apply this to your views of your body. If you don't have something nice to think, don't think anything. Focus on the good, or don't think about beauty at all. Take care of your body and exude confidence, because it's the confidence that will really help you.

You're only 32... that's hardly the end of the line! :) I think part of your concern is that you aren't part of the "in" generation anymore, so you feel a bit older. But the truth is, you're not! You're not even halfway through your life!
 
You seem to be someone who was probably reasonably attractive at one time, and have learned to equate beauty with power. Sad. Now that you're losing that "power" you want to blame society for it. Maybe you should think about all those ugly women out there who still managed to make something out of themselves despite their lack of physical attractiveness. Stop being so shallow!
 
God i hate it when people spell 'lose' , 'loose' .
Thats all, just had to say it.
It only happens 45 times a day , kinda drives me nuts.
Carry on .
 
You are suppose to be healthy. What is your mother's fault on this topic, did you ask her why she blamed your mother for the topic you told her about? If someone made or makes a comment about how nice another person looks it's their positive notice shared unless it's processed as negative by you. It's negative to turn someones positive comment into feeling like they were hurting you unless they suggest that we as humans never take on a pound as we age or we will die. Besides, why would a therapist recommend you think like a child anyways when you are 30?

I went through a time in my 20s that I was growing up and that birthdays were for children...ya, like that was something I had control over. Lol, I guess yes, that's all my parents fault.

Stay healthy, if ya don't they'll cart ya off to a nursing home where someone will make sure you stay as healthy as ya can. You know what I mean, you are not an elderly woman or 20. If you think you are it isn't your mother's fault.
 
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