...egyptian culture? I have been trying to figure out what my husband is all about for months now, But there are so many confusing double standards within him and his egyptian upbringing that it is very difficult for me to understand him at times.Being raised in small town USA myself I was brought up to be straight foreward,direct and mean what I say and say what I mean let me give some examples.
1.) if we invite someone over for dinner its a definate invitation with no hidden meanings.It means you "should"come and we wait for the person to reply yes or no to the invitation,and its as simple as that.
However my husband said in his mentality (and in Egyptian people)when someone invites you over for dinner they do not really mean it,and you are supposed to actually tell them no thank you.If you were to actually say yes and come over they would think you are very rude and resent you.He said no one ever means it when they invite you.
2.)When a friend offers help or assistance like for example a small loan of money,you are not really supposed to take them up on their offer.Husband says Egyptians are weird when it comes to money and even family does not like to lend money to eachother.He said egyptians are helpful when it comes to other types of help,but not with money.Like for example an egyptian friend of his leant him some money and told him brother you never have to pay me back consider it a gift,well exactly 2 weeks later the friend called back and asked for his money lol! Hubby said thats normal egyptians never mean it when they say something is a gift,its just a polite way of talking but they do not actually mean it.
3.)Men are allowed to leave the house without informing their wife that they are going somewhere,or even where they are going,so you could be busy in the home and call out for your hubby and find out hes left,and not even know where he went,and thats perfectally fine and normal.I kept thinking how do Egyptian women cope with that?I mean whenever he did that to me I was so angry I did not like it in USA to leave without a word is considered inconsiderate,rude and disrespectful,and even symbolizes the man doesnt love his wife and the relationship is nearing seperation.Hubby says in Egypt that women are not allowed to leave without permission but a man could come and go as he pleased.
4.)If an egyptian offers you something,whether it be a gift,food,or even some sort of assistance,do not count on it,chances are they were just saying so to be polite and had no intentions on ever giving you the item.
5.)Indirectness,Egyptians have this system I am still trying to figure it out,where when they say something it actually means something else and you are supposed to understand the meaning beneath the meaning.I feel like most egyptians wear different faces,and have sophisticated systems where you have to know them very deeply to be able to ever understand them.
For example,my husband never directly tells me what he wants from me,he just expects that I figure out what he wants and when I do not do what he thought I would things get really messy and we end up in an argument.I just assumed he was going to tell me what to do and would wait for that instruction only days later to realize he expected me to do that task without him telling me and he had actually built up resentment that I did not do it.
He is like this about everything from money,bills to even stuff around the house.He just does not know how to directly come up to me and tell me what needs to be done.
6.)Women are to stay at home but at the same time they should have a masters degree,cook,clean raise the children and be impeccably groomed,never yell,or have a loud voice,be submissive in the home but aggressive outside the home.Women are now expected to do it all,while men bascially go to work and spend the rest of their time with other men smoking sheesha and drinking tea.Women are suppossed to either be at home or at work.She has a double standard of the old world and the new world all served down with the indirect signals of expectations that her husband has upon her.UGHHHH!
7.)Egyptian men DO NOT LIKE their women to be sexually direct,and I had to learn that the hard way,egyptian women are supposed to give her hubby indirect,feminine clues and indirectly turn him on,she should never directly ask for sex,approach her husband in a sexy way or even simply put on a sexy nightie and be waiting for him.NONE OF THESE are acceptable!The husband will misconstrue this directness with his wife being masculine,aggressive or even acting like a slutty woman.However the man is allowed to be completely direct sexually at any time!
8.)In American culture people explain a situation exactly the way it is or completely sugar coat it and never unsugar coat it,,But egyptians cover up the severity of a situation and slowly reveal how bad or good the situation really is indirectly at first and if the indirectness was never percieved they might tell a few det
After all these confusing issues,the thing which remains in my mind is,how in this world am I ever going to be able to read indirect signals?And how do I understand the culture for what it really is,and learn once and for all how to get along with my husband who has been indocrinated into this culture for over 41 years and isnt likely going to change any time soon?
before I get flamed,and hate mailed I would like to say I know there are exceptions to the scenerios I have written and its not fair or right to sterotype people into a tiny box.Human beings after all are also individuals and there can be variations depending on the location in egypt the person was raised,religious views and even personality.The above list was written based on my limited experience with my husband who was raised in conservative upper Egypt in an Muslim family.Thank you all
8.)In American culture people explain a situation exactly the way it is or completely sugar coat it and never unsugar coat it,,But egyptians cover up the severity of a situation and slowly reveal how bad or good the situation really is indirectly at first and if the indirectness was never percieved they might tell a few details,but never the whole picture.Whole pictures scare them!And no egyptian ever really wants to know the situation for what it really is either.And if a friend asks you to tell them how things are going they really only want the best version of the truth and not the whole one.
1.) if we invite someone over for dinner its a definate invitation with no hidden meanings.It means you "should"come and we wait for the person to reply yes or no to the invitation,and its as simple as that.
However my husband said in his mentality (and in Egyptian people)when someone invites you over for dinner they do not really mean it,and you are supposed to actually tell them no thank you.If you were to actually say yes and come over they would think you are very rude and resent you.He said no one ever means it when they invite you.
2.)When a friend offers help or assistance like for example a small loan of money,you are not really supposed to take them up on their offer.Husband says Egyptians are weird when it comes to money and even family does not like to lend money to eachother.He said egyptians are helpful when it comes to other types of help,but not with money.Like for example an egyptian friend of his leant him some money and told him brother you never have to pay me back consider it a gift,well exactly 2 weeks later the friend called back and asked for his money lol! Hubby said thats normal egyptians never mean it when they say something is a gift,its just a polite way of talking but they do not actually mean it.
3.)Men are allowed to leave the house without informing their wife that they are going somewhere,or even where they are going,so you could be busy in the home and call out for your hubby and find out hes left,and not even know where he went,and thats perfectally fine and normal.I kept thinking how do Egyptian women cope with that?I mean whenever he did that to me I was so angry I did not like it in USA to leave without a word is considered inconsiderate,rude and disrespectful,and even symbolizes the man doesnt love his wife and the relationship is nearing seperation.Hubby says in Egypt that women are not allowed to leave without permission but a man could come and go as he pleased.
4.)If an egyptian offers you something,whether it be a gift,food,or even some sort of assistance,do not count on it,chances are they were just saying so to be polite and had no intentions on ever giving you the item.
5.)Indirectness,Egyptians have this system I am still trying to figure it out,where when they say something it actually means something else and you are supposed to understand the meaning beneath the meaning.I feel like most egyptians wear different faces,and have sophisticated systems where you have to know them very deeply to be able to ever understand them.
For example,my husband never directly tells me what he wants from me,he just expects that I figure out what he wants and when I do not do what he thought I would things get really messy and we end up in an argument.I just assumed he was going to tell me what to do and would wait for that instruction only days later to realize he expected me to do that task without him telling me and he had actually built up resentment that I did not do it.
He is like this about everything from money,bills to even stuff around the house.He just does not know how to directly come up to me and tell me what needs to be done.
6.)Women are to stay at home but at the same time they should have a masters degree,cook,clean raise the children and be impeccably groomed,never yell,or have a loud voice,be submissive in the home but aggressive outside the home.Women are now expected to do it all,while men bascially go to work and spend the rest of their time with other men smoking sheesha and drinking tea.Women are suppossed to either be at home or at work.She has a double standard of the old world and the new world all served down with the indirect signals of expectations that her husband has upon her.UGHHHH!
7.)Egyptian men DO NOT LIKE their women to be sexually direct,and I had to learn that the hard way,egyptian women are supposed to give her hubby indirect,feminine clues and indirectly turn him on,she should never directly ask for sex,approach her husband in a sexy way or even simply put on a sexy nightie and be waiting for him.NONE OF THESE are acceptable!The husband will misconstrue this directness with his wife being masculine,aggressive or even acting like a slutty woman.However the man is allowed to be completely direct sexually at any time!
8.)In American culture people explain a situation exactly the way it is or completely sugar coat it and never unsugar coat it,,But egyptians cover up the severity of a situation and slowly reveal how bad or good the situation really is indirectly at first and if the indirectness was never percieved they might tell a few det
After all these confusing issues,the thing which remains in my mind is,how in this world am I ever going to be able to read indirect signals?And how do I understand the culture for what it really is,and learn once and for all how to get along with my husband who has been indocrinated into this culture for over 41 years and isnt likely going to change any time soon?
before I get flamed,and hate mailed I would like to say I know there are exceptions to the scenerios I have written and its not fair or right to sterotype people into a tiny box.Human beings after all are also individuals and there can be variations depending on the location in egypt the person was raised,religious views and even personality.The above list was written based on my limited experience with my husband who was raised in conservative upper Egypt in an Muslim family.Thank you all
8.)In American culture people explain a situation exactly the way it is or completely sugar coat it and never unsugar coat it,,But egyptians cover up the severity of a situation and slowly reveal how bad or good the situation really is indirectly at first and if the indirectness was never percieved they might tell a few details,but never the whole picture.Whole pictures scare them!And no egyptian ever really wants to know the situation for what it really is either.And if a friend asks you to tell them how things are going they really only want the best version of the truth and not the whole one.