I have some pretty neat goals and things I want to fulfill in my life. I'm young, still in school, and have my whole life ahead of me. Theres things I want to do like get multiple degrees, and go to many more places. I'm already fluent in Greek, as I am from Greek heritage and I go to Greece every summer. I want to live in Australia and go backpacking through its beauty points for a few months before I do. I love nature and the idea of living off the land.
However, theres a force pulling me back from TRULY setting my mind on my goals. It's acknowledgement. For some reason, I need attention, but I also hate the spot light. I'm not a social person, I have no friends. Only my family tells me I am great and I gives me attention, but nobody outside of that.
I'm very socially awkward so when I do get attention I usually drop it and avoid it. However, I feel any accomplishment I make is completely EMPTY unless everybody else in the school knows about it and gives me some type of praise, most specifically, the people I actually value opinions of.
For example. this one gym teacher. I'm truly in love with her and I feel that, if for example, I go backpacking through Australian wilderness living off the land, and she DOESN'T know about it and actually acknowledges it, then it won't mean anything. Even though I'll have a good time, it only matters if somebody else realizes that.
And I dont mean like fake, forced small talk. I mean I want them to TRULY be interested in it. But you cant have everyone be interested in everything you do, if anything at all.
How can I be content with ABSOLUTELY NO PRAISE OR ATTENTION AT ALL? Not some, NONE. I know most people with friends get some attention, but I have absolutely ZERO friends. So I need to cope with absolutely no praise at all.
Help?
However, theres a force pulling me back from TRULY setting my mind on my goals. It's acknowledgement. For some reason, I need attention, but I also hate the spot light. I'm not a social person, I have no friends. Only my family tells me I am great and I gives me attention, but nobody outside of that.
I'm very socially awkward so when I do get attention I usually drop it and avoid it. However, I feel any accomplishment I make is completely EMPTY unless everybody else in the school knows about it and gives me some type of praise, most specifically, the people I actually value opinions of.
For example. this one gym teacher. I'm truly in love with her and I feel that, if for example, I go backpacking through Australian wilderness living off the land, and she DOESN'T know about it and actually acknowledges it, then it won't mean anything. Even though I'll have a good time, it only matters if somebody else realizes that.
And I dont mean like fake, forced small talk. I mean I want them to TRULY be interested in it. But you cant have everyone be interested in everything you do, if anything at all.
How can I be content with ABSOLUTELY NO PRAISE OR ATTENTION AT ALL? Not some, NONE. I know most people with friends get some attention, but I have absolutely ZERO friends. So I need to cope with absolutely no praise at all.
Help?