ok i am going to tell you guys my story so that maybe you get an idea why some people are cutters- i don't want your pity so don't give it, i am a healthy person now and very happy...
when i was 14 i was gang raped and beaten. When i got out of the hospital I didn't know what to do with myself for a long time and i didn't talk for a whole week and talked very little when i decided to begin talking again. I couldn't understand how people could be so cruel and evil. I became so numb and i was in my own world. my mother pulled me from school and we moved, then i had no one to talk to and i didn't want to talk to anyone at my new school. I thought that they could see it on me, that now i was diseased with this awful past. i sat alone and only wore black so no one would look at me. I can't express how numb i was... i couldn't feel anything. i didn't cry at movies anymore, i didn't care when my mom would start crying because I wouldn't talk to her. I became so angry with myself. One day i picked up a lighter to light a candle when i was locked out of my house. it got really hot and i accidentally burned myself- i was amazed. i could feel again. i began cutting myself because i could not cry. i wanted to make sure things were real sometimes and bleeding reminded me that i was still here. it was also a way of punishing myself because often times i felt like i was to blame for what happened to me. I never wanted anyone to know though, it was my way of forcing myself to live- i never had death in mind (and most cutters don't).
I moved away from TX, got psychiatric help and quit cutting. I have even forgiven my attackers now. I still have scars to remind me but I write instead now and just got accepted to a very good school for artistically gifted kids. I am athletic now too so i will put up more of a fight if there is a next time that i am attacked. Overall, I couldn't be happier...
Sorry if that was kind of a downer story- but it's my life and it does have a happy ending. I hope maybe some of you understand a little better now and i hope that those of you who do cut still will have the will- power to stop like i did, it doesn't help you.