Second Go

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Yes, don't beat yourself up! Keep posting, and try to stay as positive as you can. You can do this!!!
 
Im a bit curious about suboxone treatment. Ive read a lot of pros and some cons as well...any input from anyone here?

and i havnt touched anything since the dilly at 11:30... im agrivated and mopey, but i know why...but it still doesnt take away the agro feeling..
 
it is 735 am - im getting ready for work, have very little aches, and am in a good mood for some reason, i dont know why. Maybe cause its payday! anyways no pills this morning, which i havnt done in a looong time.

I said in another thread, my goal is to be one of the people writing "so ive been off oxys for 19 days now........"

im determined!, have a great day people, turn on some good music, re-train your mind to look at things in a positive light (the withdrawal depression is almost like a played out thing to me now...I know why i feel like everything is bad, ya ya boo hoo boooo hoooooo booooooo hoooooooo im dowwwwwwwn!!! blah blahhh do you hear me im downnnn....anyone cmon have sympathy for me.....everything suuuuuucks lol) withdrawal makes u go a bit nuts too. Im going to take an L-Tyrosine (which is a mental fatigue booster sold at health stores)

I havnt taken them for quite some time, because they used to make my mind race too much, and I would get anxious (as if everything i had to do that day, i wanted done immediately, or i started to spaz out). But im going to take half an L-tyrosine, simply because its been a long time since i have not taken anything in the morning to get going. L-Tyrosine gets you GOING, trust ME! but yeah half of one so i dont get overly anxious-- and my b6 vit for energy, and one-a-day vitamin cause I dont eat enough vegetables.

talk to y'all in a few hours...i got this 'Rogers Stick' which is a usb device you plug in to your laptop, its the size of a flash drive, and you get internet wherever you are, anywhere. For those unaware of Rogers which i think is just in Canada. The stick is like an internet router, and I can rarable on about my detox and read about yours anywhere i want..........yours better be good too, this router costs me 30 bux a month! lol. off to work to get my paycheck....... youre like shut up already i have things to do, but I hav to finish reading your rarabling, there might be something useful in there somewhere......well I dont want to let you down, so heres something useful. There are millions of drug addicts in this country, youre not a crazy loser, drugs are the crazy loser OK!!!!!!!! lets fight that crazy loser, other people have fought him, what are we not tough huh, are we wimps huh?...did our mommys dress us today? huh??? im kickin that losers butt today, well at least for this morning, we'll see how many rounRAB I can go. Ill need a timeout to go cash my check for more incentive! lol

edit: one more thing...anyone else love watching celebrity rehab! I love it, only thing is I wished they show more of the actual treatment and less 'drama' between the patients, but thats media for ya.... gotta download all the episodes today and watch em tonight!
 
Hi Second Go,

Welcome to the board :)

First, and most important, how often have you been taking the benzo's (valium clonazepam)? If you have been taking them often, you NEED to taper off, rather than cold turkey. You can have seizures and/or death if you stop these abruptly. When I was in rehab a couple years ago, a girl I knew had a 'grand mal' seizure cause she lied about how much benzo's she was taking and was weaned off too quickly. It is very important that you taper if your body is dependent on them.

Good for you, for wanting to get clean again. I too, rewarded myself once with Oxy's (for getting clean off Oxy's). What a durab move. Getting clean may feel like it's almost impossible but believe me, that's the easy part. "Staying clean" is the hard part.

Do you have a plan once you've gotten clean again? Something has to change. If you keep the same lifestyle that you have right now, it's only a matter of time before you relapse again.

If nothing changes, nothing changes...

If you have Oxy's, do you mind if I ask why you wouldn't taper off, rather than cold turkey? Tapering is alot better on the body. Cold turkey throws everything off and it takes alot longer to bounce back.

If you are going to do it cold turkey, then I suggest you take a look at the "Sample Home Detox" thread at the top of the thread page. There are some great suggestions and very helpful tools to make it a little easier.

Keep posting, keep in touch and don't forget your goal - to be clean!

Good luck,
emsmom
 
when are they going to invent a shot that cures you of all your addictions? cmon scientists! this stuff hurts, never mind the 578th star found in the galxy for a minute. make us a cure shot!!!!!!
 
I forgot to add...

Keep busy. Find things to do. The worst thing for an addict trying to taper is to sit around "waiting" to see what wil happen.

It is very hard to motivate yourself when you are having withdrawals, however it really helps to get outside and do something. You can take a walk (with a destination in mind), go out for dinner, hit your local indoor pool etc.

Exercise is one of the best things you can do.

Good luck, Second Go!

:)
 
thanks!, and yea i have a ration so that i dont run out before payday. If i run out I lose it!!! even if I have some on me doesnt mean ill take em, but boy o boy if i run out im one unhappy camper. so i always have to carry a few morphines, and i have been carrying the odd clonazepam to for my anxiety, but im about ready to flush them, after reading all the benzo horror stories on here.

Thats why people need to communicate, lets get this info out there, it can help someone (yall might have helped me avoid becoming addicted to benzos) so thank you, i may flush it down the toilet, or keep it --->just so i dont freak out, knowing i have no pills. But I dont want benzo withdrawals by the sound of it!!!
 
well the last thing i had was a codeine tea at 11:30 pm last night, I surfed the net for a while, amd literally fell asleep on my futon. my gf came downstairs and told me to come to bed, but i must have been so out of it because of the codeine i took, i just murabled something, and told her to let me sleep for a while.

well i just woke up and its 930 am, just made myself another codeine 30mg tea (just crush it and put it into boiling water). So ive gone 9 hrs without anything, i just took the codeine cause I woke up achy! For some reason my mood is alright. (and i didnt want to go straight for my morphine, i thought ill try this codeine, as it might be less powerful than the morphine). Im still aching after half hour of taking the codiene, but im gonna try to ride it out today as long as i can.

Emsmom, you ask what I downloaded and listen to? well I sat at my comp last night and d/l'd some of the coolest electro, dubstep, and hip hop music (i havnt been looking at music blogs for some time cause i ve been so busy, so there was sooooo much new music to download! Not sure what my fave is, but Im diggin this rapper Big Sean (hes down with kanye, thers a cool video he has on youtube called 'too fake' but i like so much music I dont have a fav. edit:oops forgot bout advertising sites..sorry

It also snowed heavy last night, so were pretty much snowed in today, I have one more day off today, then back to work tomorrow. i'm going to see how long this codeine helps me out, see if i can go till the afternoon without anything.

I am realizing Im at the point now where i should write up a taper program, cause ive just been winging it, reducing a bit everyday, but i havnt got a running record of how much my progress has been.

Im going to figure that out today...some sort of plan on a calendar, which i can use as a regiment where i know im tapering off.
 
well, you really did it now!...messed the whole thing up, theres no way to correct this mistake, you might as well go back to taking pills! JOKING!!! C'mon we need some humour here, and I know you 'get' it.

Hey, so you did a half a perc. That is not enough to set you back in your detox stage. I dont believe you'll feel any 'more' withdrawal symptoms from that, compared to what withdrawal symptoms you are already having.

You seem to have been doing really well!, and If you dont do anymore 'half pills', you will be over this rough hump in no time. I, personally look at what you did as a slip up, that will not affect your cold turkey detox. IMO you are still on day 6, going on 7. (someone with obsessive compulsive disorder might look at it as a 'fail', and would mentallly feel that they are at stage 1 again, because the withdrawal was 'flawed').

I say to heck with all of that, you are moving forward still, and it seems as though that light at the end of the tunnel should be coming soon! Day 7, 8, 9 this is probably where you are going to start to get your energy back, you wont 'hate' everything, you will start to regain your sense of smell, things will start to look brighter (go outside your door and look at some trees or just whatever is outside of your door...it should start to look clearer, and you will appreciate everything more.

You will most likely hit an emotional stage too. At day 7/8 for me, I was very emotional, like a rollercoaster. I would cry when I thought about my accomplishment, when I listened to good music (this is a must ...turn on some of your favorite tunes right now!). But yeah, I had a lot of sad moments ...thinking about how I was basically destroying myself, and couldnt believe that I didnt care about my well being. I would burst out crying at the oddest times, if I saw something even as simple as a mom zipping up her sons coat, just the small things that make up life, that I had been blurring out with drugs for such a long time. I started to feel like I was living again, and almost messed up my life. I cried tears of joy, knowing that I gave myself a second chance at a healthy life.

youre like wimpy boy!...hahaha no really it is an emotional stage. Just keep focused.

Hey! I am on day 2! of having NO drugs, besides some weed yesterday. I am excited, because once again, I wasnt planning on detoxing quite yet, but because my buddy didnt come by with my morphine, THAT was the catalyst for me to say OK now its time to really do this. and I did. I had zero opiates yesterday, and I sure as hell aint touchin any today! It feels so good, and I have very little pain.. that might come in the next couple days, but Im not expecting it to be as bad as the 'first go', because like I said...i havnt been getting high recently, just taking the edge off. I am going to land this plane smoothly I can feel it (I might need some immodium AD though, so Im not on the toilet every half hour).

So cudos to us, and everyone else who is moving forward with us; everyone has their own pace, but we're all moving away from the thing that we want to get away from. walk, crawl, run, unicycle, I dont care...lets just keep moving away from the source of our grief.

I dont know about you but I get a 'high' off of my withdrawal stages, the fact that im accomplishing something that is sooo hard to do, and am being successful, gives me strength and confidence. Like if I can do this, then theres nothing you cant tell me I can do!!!!

All in all, tho to ur question..NO you have not jeopardized your goal. You 'tripped over an object' getting from point A to B... or in your case twisted your ankle...but that doesnt mean go back to point A....Keep it movin girl...!
 
I am so sorry you are on this addiction binge. You know each time you quit and go back the addiction gets worse and the quitting gets harder.

You gotta get rid of your triggers. Like I hold onto my syringes and just as I am starting to get a bit of time in I come across one and there I go. Tonight I threw my rigs in the trash and have said to myself that it will be a cold day in hell before I do meth again.

I would also like to see you taper but you are on so many things that it would be hard to say what you are tapering from on any given day. You and I both know you can do it. No matter how hard it seems it is not as hard as it has been for you to go, get the drugs, hide it from everyone, spend the money, etc.

I am sending you some hope and vigilance to kick this thing! Sincerely, searchin
 
its 9pm here, ive gone with nothing since the codeine this morning, but have been really aggro/anxious. Im going to make a 50 mg morphine tea now. I just want to settle to bed w minimal restlessness, so i can go to work tommorrow at 6am.
 
I'm new here, but know what you're going through kind of. I started taking hydrocodone a few years ago for pain mgmt, I have spondylolthesis. I know that I am addicted. I always ran out before my next appt, refill etc. I know someone that gives me methedone when I run out, so I had to take it b4 my Dr. appt. Well, the Dr. found it in my urine test and dropped me! Now I have NO Doctor, no money and only have a few methedone that will last maybe 3 days. I was in withdraw 3 days ago b4 I got the methedone again. I went to family Dr. they gave me a shot for pain and an RX for Tylenol 3! only 24 pills. I thought that I could get off the pills after the methedone wore off, but could not stand the withdraw, no sleep, kicking legs, depression and pain, I absolutely almost lost my mind! So again I was lucky to get the methedone from a friend, but do not know what to do when it wears off as they can't help me anymore, they need it for their pain. There is nowhere in this town to get help, I'm actually about 50 miles from nearest large city. My pain was probably tolerable, but I enjoyed the feeling and it helped me survive a terrible divorce, which was two and a half years ago. Now when the meRAB wear off it feels like it just happened, the divorce, which makes everything twice as miserable, I still love him, but have no contact with him, nor do I know where he lives. He is a sociopath and was abusive. I am scared, I have kiRAB and don't know what to do. I can't even find another Pain Mgmt. Dr. who doesn't have some stupid stipulations or charges 400.00. HELP!:confused::confused:
 
well I woke up at 8:30 and was a bit achy so I took my 50 mg morphine tea. I think I coulda done without it if I tried, but I woulda been thinking about it for hours. However Im going to see how long I can go on just that. Id love to be able to ride out the day until bedtime, then see.

gonna download some music now (my day off) and try to keep my mind off drugs. Ill post before bed to see how long I manage. Hope you all are havn a good day, My advice try to fight the craving, even if its for an hour, the accomplishment of changing your drug habit does wonders for your confidence. talk latr
 
well managed till about 3pm, then needed a dillaudid 8. Im curious about suboxone, wish I could get it on the street (where i go, they have everything but suboxone and xanax pretty much), im not into going to see a doc n all of that.

so 50 mg morph this morning, and a dilaudid 8 at 3 pm. thats better than i usually do by 3pm. ill probably take a valium around 8 pm to reduce anxiety, and try to fall asleep.

a little back history as to how i detoxed the first time... I went to a 6 day rave 9 hrs away from home, and didnt bring enough oxys with me, well i ran out day 2, and thought someone up there would have opiates....nope, i felt like an outkast. so I was forced to detox in 4 days. it was rough but actually a blessing in disquise. I find it ironic that i detoxed where everyone was doing drugs!

im going to try to reduce my intake everyday by a bit, so this is kind of a running journal, that im open to discussing with you all if u feel.

i went through oxy detox once so i know the stages if anyone had any questions. it was rough, but i battled it with gatorade, trail mix, salmon, hikes (although i was flu-like weak) but excercise is important. Gravol helped me sleep at night, as well as melatonin. I took immmodium ad for the runs, cause it comes up when u least expect it. the anxiety is tough to deal with, i was very depressed for the first 6 day, I'd break down crying and getting very emotional when ever i heard a sad story. i d hit the school oval, and walk about 5 laps to get my energy up. L-Tyrosine is good for energy in the morning when you dont feel like doing anything, it gives you a bit of 'umph' to get going.

The important thing is to realize that you are not the only one going through this, although it seems like it...you feel like your going through it alone. I also needed to find good music that helped elevate my mood, this was important, as it releases dopamine and endorphins, etc. My sex drive , which was nil, got better, and I was able to be intimate with my gf again.

funny how im offering advice, because im going to be going through all of this all over again except not cold turkey. let me know if you have any questions about the time you stop taking the opiates until complete detox.

so today 50 mg morphine, dilly 8, and a valium later. Tommorrow I hope to do less, we shall see....
 
well today was okay. its now 9pm.... im frustrated because a friend who was holding my morphines didnt bring them to me!, as he was supposed to. So the only thing I had all day was 2 codeine 30mgs (barely took away my aches). im partially glad because i didnt do much, but my mood is under the weather so im having a hard time trying to express any positive aspect of the day, and im upset (actually choked!) that he didnt come by, he knew i was out of them, and am stuck here at work.

well i ache, and im going to try to call him once again.................blahhhh

its not the end of the world, i think ill just try to sleep this off..i have some risperidone which should help me get to sleep. Hope u guys had better days than me.

Oh btw my boss was here ALL day watching over our shoulders as we did paper work...talk about anxiety. gnite y'all
 
its 8 am, and this morning is a bit rough. I woke and made a codeine tea 30mg. the thing i HATE with a passion is tolerance. Like, I didnt get much from that codeine (it would knock someone else out to sleep), but for me it just took a bit of the pain edge off.

I really miss oxys, cause i could come into work, on say 20 mg and just not care about anything. Now i feel like im completely sober (but no pain at the moment).

My boss is coming in. hes rather strict, and i would always pop an oxy before i had to deal with him, it made it soooo easy. Now hes coming in and my head just isnt right. like its not bad, but i wish i just had that pill to take away my anxiety.

i have some pills with me, but i dont want to be 'weak' and just pop one cause hes coming. im going to hold out and get used to the reality that life is uncomfortable at times, and we just have to deal with it!!!!!!!!

im writing this to vent, cause if i didnt , i would just pop half a morphine cap. I DONT WANT TO DO THAT ..i have to stay on top of this mission, so there, I have now convinced myself, im not going to take a pill before he gets here, im going to take whatever 'talking to about things ive missed doing at work, and how such n such neeRAB to be done better.....but im going to do it without a pill.

After all, when im totally off pills im going to have to face life like this everyday. Just had to get it off my chest that hes an ASSHOLE (my boss)...and that I can deal with whatever he dishes out to me. Mind over matter!

Do you want to know an interesting fact? when i was detoxing the first time off oxys, cold turkey cause i was stranded at a rave with no more oxys (some of u know the story) well one night in my tent I picked up my gfs mirror, and literally had a STARE DOWN with myself, i stared myself down for about 2 minutes, cursing myself out etc, and then I put the mirror down, but convinced myseld in my head that I won the stare down, not the addicted me in the mirror. That gave me the strenghth to power-push through this hell.

So yeah he's on his way now, but im not going to take a pill!

illl et you know how it went later today, remeraber im used to taking an oxy 20 or 40 and just blocking him out, when hes spazzing etc.

I have to re-invent who i am, and what I can handle in life ( most of my worries are just in my head)...so ok that is solved, i wont take pill, wont take pill, ill just fight this feeling of anxiety! I know its better on the other side of addiction, because ive been there (ur not sooo sensitive anymore, which is where i want to get back to)

I may have a 50 mg morph tea latr today around 4pm...thats my goal, to refrain until then.---talk later guys. I dont have time to proof read, hes comin...latr! Fight the craving/feeling yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grrrrrrr
 
thanks Searchin!.. you are right , about getting rid of the triggers. It would also help to delete certain no. in the cell phone, etc. But where im from, the stuff is so easy to come across.

Congrats on chuckin your rigs....thats a power move there, that says you are taking control, and not letting the drug control you!

its 1 am and i just woke up, i can choose to pop a pill but im not going to. Im really workin hard at doing minimal amounts right now, besides, i woke up and am not aching so 'dont fix it if it aint broke'. And I liking the energy of your post, which gives me energy to say 'i dont need it!!!!!'.

appreciate your worRAB, im gonna go back to bed for a couple hours then get up for work, hopefully I wont need much to get out of bed n start my day. Its support like this that helps also, every little thing, when your detoxing, or attempting to detox, helps.

when i was withdrawing thr first time, man I saw so many 'signs' 'omens' some might call them, that helped me stay focused, and I wanna thank you for helping me realize I didnt need anything right now.thnx....back to bed for oh 4 hours , then work... good luck with your fight with Meth!

We're all on a mission so to speak, all going to the same place, just some of us take different routes, and meet up here n ther, then go off on our mission again, Ill see you soon cause I know were both headin in the same direction! latr!!
 
6am?? Ugh! I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you. Keep in touch and let us know...

emsmom
 
Welcome! Good for you wanting to quit. As you probably know, relapse is a part of addiction. You have done it before, and you seem to be pretty informed of things that will help get you through it. But as someone else said, benzos are very dangerous. Also, have you been to AA/NA meetings? Aftercare is so important. Find a sponsor you can trust.

Also, how are you hiding this from your gf? Are the two of you serious? How old are you? You must be honest with her if you care about saving your relationship. She will either forgive you and be there for support, or she may leave. Lying gets you nowhere. Addiction affects everyone involved. It's a selfish disease. Without trust, there's nothing.
Good luck, keep us posted.
 
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