Code Geass Parody: Episode 19
Darkness may come before dawn, but in the meantime absurdity might as well have a field day
*Cue He-Man music*
MALE VOICES: CODE GEASS!
GENERIC NARRATOR: LELOUCH OF THE REBELLLLIOOOOONNNNN!
LELOUCH: I am Lelouch, Prince of Britannia, defender of my own enlightened self-interest. This is C.C., my amnesiac friend.
C.C. AAAAAAAH, I'M SORRY! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!
LELOUCH: *ahem* Fabulous secrets are revealed to me when I turn on my sexy voice and say "LELOUCH BRITANNIA COMMANRAB YOU!"
****LIGHTNING FLASHES, THUNDER ROARS****
LELOUCH: I AAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM ZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
C.C. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
LELOUCH: Unlike last season, C.C. is wearing real clothes. And I have become Zero! The greatest liar in the universe! Incidentally, Usopp is my favorite character in One Piece.
GENERIC NARRATOR: *whispering* Psst, stay on message......
LELOUCH: Only a few others know my secret. My hot ally Kallen, my deluded fake brother Rolo, my ninja maid Sayako, my self-righteous former friend Suzaku, my devious brother Schneizel, my monster of a father...
*music stops*
LELOUCH: Come to think of it, things could really blow up in my face at this rate.
GENERIC NARRATOR: LAST TIME, ON CODE GEASS!
*FREIJA EXPLODES*
LELOUCH: I DIDN'T MEAN IT! OH GOD, I DIDN'T MEAN IT! IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH!
KALLEN: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED NUNALLY!
GEASS WRITERS: WE'RE BASTARRAB!
****Theme Song****
LELOUCH: *sobbing* There was a borab all along. How could this happen? How could I have known that my morality-obsessed enemy was telling the truth?
*awkward pause*
LELOUCH: ......Oh.
TODOH: Another borab like that, and we'll be annihilated! All units, withdraw and regroup!
LELOUCH: TODOH, I TOLD YOU TO SEARCH FOR NUNNALLY!
TODOH: Wait, Zero! We have a lot of casualties, we have to reorganize our forces--
LELOUCH: WHO CARES! DO AS I SAY!
TODOH: No.
LELOUCH: Yes!
TODOH: No.
LELOUCH: Yes!
TODOH: No.
LELOUCH: Yes!
TODOH: No.
LELOUCH: No!
TODOH: Ye--oh please, nice try.
LELOUCH: DAMMIT!
GENERIC NARRATOR: Later, at Lelouch's living quarters...
ROLO: Don't worry, you still have me! I'm definitely not worried that you're angry with me for failing to rescue her in time.
LELOUCH: Leave me alone.
ROLO: Gotta cheer him up...*ahem* "I'm sorry, she's dead Jim."
LELOUCH: My life is ruined, and you're trying to mimic Star Trek?
ROLO: I...I can do a really good Spock...
LELOUCH: THESE AREN'T EVEN GOOD JOKES! I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU AND WANTED YOU DEAD! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? PICARD IS BETTER THAN KIRK!
ROLO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ALL THAT I KNOW IS A LIE!
GENERIC NARRATOR: And so, for the purposes of cruel plot development, Lelouch remained in a depressed and unresponsive state for several hours.
JEREMIAH: Ah, Suzaku. Thanks for saving me that one time.
SUZAKU: ...............
JEREMIAH: If this were a logical scene, I'd be outraged that you killed the only family that my master has left along with millions of other people.
SUZAKU: ...............
JEREMIAH: But I guess this is just filler to keep me away from the really important things that are going on, so oh well. See ya.
NINA: Everyone...all those people died! My borab actually destroys! I had no idea!
LLOYD: Wow. I'm crazy, and even I know how stupid that sounRAB.
NINA: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
LLOYD: In the end, you'll have to choose between your heart and science.
NINA: So what choice did you make?
LLOYD: Are you still talking about that? Look, I'm trying to think about robots here.
NINA: WAAAAAAAAH!
MILLY: Check it out, I have yet another random cameo.
RIVALZ: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD, YOU'RE ALIVE!
MILLY: AND YOU'RE ALIVE!
RIVALZ: DO YOU THINK THIS PLOT THREAD WILL GO ANYWHERE?
MILLY: PROBABLY NOT!
OUGI: Must run faster! Must stop my love interest from escaping!
VILLETTA: Ougi!
OUGI: Oh, you were here in your room all along! I no longer care about the ship's security.
VILLETTA: Honestly. Your unrequited love has made you a flake.
OUGI: Like you're one to talk.
CORNELIA: Hahahahaha, I'll escape from these foolish elevens easily. The fact that I'm far above ground and would probably die if I jumped off the ship definitely isn't a problem.
DIETHARD: Your faulty logic aside, here I am to stop you!
CORNELIA: Well, my situation is almost as ugly as your face.
DIETHARD: How droll--oh crap, a Britannian vessel!
SCHNEIZEL: I come in peace and with a weapon of mass destruction. Take me to your leaders!
DIETHARD: Well, there goes my fifteen seconRAB of glory.
GENERIC NARRATOR: Due to time constraints, this conversation has been speed dubbed just like Speed Racer.
TODOH: Time to get this meeting started, ah-ha!
TAMAKI: TIME TO ACT STUPID, HA!
SCHNEIZEL: Zero is really my brother, AH-HA!
BLACK KNIGHTS: SHOCKING! UGH!
DIETHARD: An obvious lie, ha-ha!
KANON: Geass evidence, AH-HA!
TODOH: UGH!
CORNELIA: AH-HA, Euphemia is innocent, HA-HA!
OUGI: Here I am with my babe for no good reason, ah-ha!
VILLETTA: Geass was used on me too!
NAGISA: No one cares, ha-ha!
TODOH: THAT'S IT. ZERO MUST GO!
OUGI: Japan for Zero, that's the deal!
SCHNEIZEL: Betrayal it is, ha-ha!
Later that day
KALLEN: I'm so sorry for your loss, Lelouch. I lost my own brother, and then the story forgot all about it.
LELOUCH: .....forgot?
*Lelouch stares down at the floor, despondent*
KALLEN: Er, that is--not that SHE'LL be...I mean...oh, no, if only something could happen to break the tension.
OUGI: STOP RIGHT THERE, ZERO! YOU'RE SURROUNDED!
KALLEN: I take it back!
TODOH: We know all of your secrets, Zero! You used us all and used the lives of our comrades as tools!
TAMAKI: YOU LET US DOWN, MAN! YOU WERE MY BEST BUDDY!
EVERYONE ELSE: No, he wasn't.
DIETHARD: The great hero, Zero, died heroically in battle. Don't worry, you will live on through propaganda and cheaply made action figures.
LELOUCH: You bastard!
SUNRISE EXECUTIVE: Product placement rules!
KALLEN: NO! This can't be right! Tell me it isn't true!
LELOUCH: The Black Knights were excellent pawns! And you were the best of all. Until you got captured, that is.
KALLEN: Thanks, I'd almost forgotten about that.
LELOUCH: Eight episodes of doing nothing. That has to hurt.
KALLEN: That's it. I'm so gone.
LELOUCH (speaking quietly): Live on, Kallen. And don't throw away your bunny costume.
*The Black Knights fire*
KALLEN: NO! THE IRONY!
ROLO: DEUS EX MACHINA RESCUE!
LELOUCH: Leave me to die, Rolo! I don't deserve rescue! I bet that Gundam 00 won't be this depressing!
ROLO: No! I must win sympathy from the audience at the last minute! Geass, on!
ANYA: Fire. Miss. Fire. Miss. I sense a pattern at work here. Oh well. Fire. Miss...
GENERIC SOLDIERS: We all suck!
Somewhere in the forest
LELOUCH: Rolo, I won't forget your sacrifice. How I buried you without any tools, however, is apparently something that the writers forgot. Anyway, now that I have nothing left, it's time to take down dear old Dad!
Back at the Black Knight Base
NAGISA: So, that's that.
OUGI: So......what now?
TODOH: I dunno. I kind of figured that the rest of you had a plan for after Zero was gone.
OUGI: Well, crap.
KALLEN: So you acted out of spite and have no plan, and you thought it was a good idea for your very best pilot to go around without knowing anything. Good job, you incompetent jerks. I'm out of here.
*awkward silence*
TAMAKI: Maybe I can--
NAGISA: No.
TAMAKI: Damn.
VILLETTA: What happens to me?
DIETHARD: Everyone stopped caring several episodes ago, trust me.
OUGI: Oh well. Everything will work out just fine even without the brilliant mind that single-handedly brought us all of our victories.
TODOH: Uh...right. Perhaps.
OUGI: Nothing will happen.
DIETHARD: We understand.
OUGI: I mean, it's not like Prince Schneizel and Princess Cornelia can't be trusted. It's not like they could still fire their FREIJA borab at any time. And it sure isn't like some new crisis could emerge that will make everything up until now look like a day at the beach. No sir, everything will be just fine.
*silence*
DIETHARD: Uh-oh.
TODOH: Oh, good lord, we are SO screwed.
THE END