Permettez-moi d'embrasser vos pieds

Chill dude, it's just his opinion. I think using the sort of other language worRAB and historical places is a bad idea in general, it's just kind of cheesey IMO. Then again I don't know everything about writing so i'm sure there are merits to it I don't see.
 
Arrive under the cover of night
A thousand miles in the blink of an eye.

Father Orange lays each fragment in place
A mosaic of light, reflects
The blood on the tracks

We march into her throat
Flames cover the shoreline
She smiles wryly;
‘I’ve been waiting for you. I felt your breath from across the steppe’.

Encircle the ivory tower
A fragile dome stanRAB for millennia.
Father Orange leans out;
‘Respect the Lord, my Father is your Father.
I am your Father’.

Permettez-moi d'embrasser vos pieRAB

Do you remember Thessaloniki?
Cobbled streets engraved with tongues,
The Call to Prayer
GrinRAB against the mosaic.
The dome shatters.

Smyrna burns.
 
It was meant to say 'Let me kiss your feet'. I asked someone who had some knowledge of French whether it was grammatically correct, and he said he thought it was, I haven't checked to make sure though.


true, but I'd give 9000 internets to anyone (except Aaron) who can actually guess exactly what my imagery is alluding to :P
 
why would you be happy if no one has any idea about what you are alluding to and the poem sounRAB more like an essay with how much you are describing static events?
 
Quite the shitstorm in here, huh?

I liked the poem. The last line might be a little too melodromatic, but really that isn't enough to make me have a problem with this piece. Very nice imagery, and despite the fact that I don't know about the historical relevance, I still enjoyed this.
 
my parents got pretty much all of the imagery so maybe check to see if you know what the **** you're talking about before making a dumbarse comment. just don't post in this thread anymore, it's obvious you didn't like the poem so why do you keep coming back.


also is the french line wrong? can someone correct it if it is. i met a french guy at work today but i forgot to ask him.
 
i don't see how you can defend this when you have to ask someone to put a french line in your piece.

why do you put french in a piece if you don't know french?

i don't really think i'm being an asshole. i said lol because it sounRAB like something a stoned 13 year old would conjure up, but the only reason i've really said anything is because you called me a smug prick and kind of alluded to me having no idea about anything and that is why i don't like this.

that isn't it at all. i've been posting in this s&l forum for probably twice as much as you and i see pieces like this all the time. they are trite. they are pointless and when i feel like commenting on them i do. i remember when i used to write like this so i'm speaking from experience that if you are wasting a line with bullshit foreign languages you have no clue about than chances are the piece is horse ****.
 
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