Panorama: Kids in Care

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Phil M

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Anybody watching this? I think it's really upsetting for little Connor to be pushed from pillar to post. He seems really settled with the temporary Foster family. They won't keep him long term and it's difficult to find a family to adopt him.

I wonder if they are unintentionally screwing up his life? They tell him that they love him and he feels secure but he'll be put on the scrap heap again and possibly faces his whole childhood in care! :cry:
 
Im so sad Connor couldnt stay. i know i dont have experience with foster care but it seemed very cruel in the end to let him go. They'restill looking for a family for him :(
 
Please don't have a go at me!! ! When did a 21yr old have the life experience to take the degree and do this job? I thought it took a few years.

Only asking a question!!!
 
I thought that when the narrator first said that the social worker was 21. It does seem extremely young and I guess if he left uni at 21 this is his first year of work. I thought he was excellent though. Very patient and calming in the face of such provocation.
 
Yes, it was extremely sad but it was refreshing to see social workers and carers displayed in a positive light. I think it's too easy to condemn a small proprotion of them when things go wrong when you don't hear about the good they do (or try to do). The majority of them do care about the people they look after

I don't work in the social care area, but do work with them in a support capacity.

Sad these kids are pushed from pillar to post as another FM said- nearly broke my heart when young Connor stood at the front door worrying his "sisters" wouldn't come back.
 
That choked me too, especially when the "mum" was interviewed and said something like, "he thinks we'll leave him and not come back....well he's right."

I wonder what the motivation is of being a short-term Foster carer. The family say they love the child so surely it's best for him to remain with a loving family...whatever their age.

I'm not being critical, as I realise that long-term care isn't in their planning. I just struggle to understand how people could allow someone they say they love and who is dependent on them, to be farmed out to an uncertain and, possibly, very sad future.

Most upsetting for me was the trust you could see he had built up with the family. There is an awful dramatic irony of knowing that soon his trust in people will be shattered when he is forced to leave. (He's aged 3 or 4.) He will probably end up another 'in care' statistic or have problems like the other Connor. We were seeing it in the making...that was what was so tragic.
 
Maybe it was a placement? I do not do a degree programme which includes a placement, but i do know a few people who have been thrown in at the deep end when it comes to nursing and social work. Just a suggestion though.
 
Just got round to watching this, all very highly emotional.

I suppose on the 'farming out' point, the younger daughter made the same point 'they got it wrong before' the Mother just had to hope they wouldn't get it wrong again.
Not sure if you should read so much into the trust thing.
Don't forget he also started off calling the Women at playgroup 'Mum' too, 'a job title'.
As he gets older it's going to get harder though for him to rebound and settle properly, it might be a narrow window depending on his personality and the family he's placed with.

It must be hard though.
Trying to build up trust and get him to settle and feel comfortable, so that he can develop like a 'normal' child.
Keep him at arm's length because he's going to be moving on at some stage?
Pretty sure if they adopted him then they wouldn't be able to be foster carers any more.

On the upside Shannon seemed to be getting on OK with her new foster home.
 
Kids ended up like that because of their scummy chav like parents, look at that boys mum -

came out of prison 2 years previously
has remarried (good luck to that guy)
had a baby (problem right there, letting fail humans have more kids)
Her oldest daughter is in care as well

The kids themselves don't help situations acting like brats and idiots, smoking, drinking, abusive language and being physical. They should be bloody grateful those people don't leave them with their shit parents.
 
What was particularly sad for me, is baby Conner had been adopted and been rejected by the adoptive parents, do the adoptive parents go shopping for the perfect child? The foster parents came across as lovely. I can see why the foster parents would not want to adopt Conner, the husband is 50 and the daughters are teenagers. I hope somebody with loads of love will adopt the adorable little boy into a loving home.
 
It is possible. My neice is only 22 and a qualified doctor. She began school in the year ahead of her age because she was bright. She is a very mature and sensible young lady. She qualified earlier this year with honours and is now working in a London hospital.

With the young man he may have had an upbringing that has taught him how to be a caring man and cope with difficult situations. So his knowledge and instinct to do the job won't all have been learned through a University course.
 
An incredibly moving programme and sad to think of little Connor potentially spending a lifetime in care and growing up with the problems of the older children we saw.

You have to remember that fostering is paid and can therefore be a full time job. Most families, including his curent foster family, would have to fit that little bundle of energy around work in a permanent adoptive placement. Maybe this is why he is hard to place - because he needs full time care - his attachment/abandonment issues probably make it quite difficult to have a life outside him.

Anyway - an incredibly moving programme. When I trained in social work you couldn't qualify before the age of 23, so couldn't start training till 21 as they did say you had to get some life experience first. The 21 year old social worker was very good, but you could see how the issues affected him. The phone conversation after the car attack was interesting, although on the surface he was pleased to have an apology from Connor, on another level he was actually relieved that connor had forgiven him. The social worker had nothing to be forgiven for - but he felt like he'd let him down simply because Connor had chosen to take his decision badly. He was trying to rationalise it, and remained professional - but that mixture of feelings and anxieties which go on underneath those professional actions, are what makes it such a stressful job.
 
Just watched this and had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes at the end. That little lad Connor - I was chanting at the end "adopt him". Maybe it's because I'm 40 myself, but I wouldn't consider 50 too old to adopt a 3yr old. I couldn't help but wonder how the older daughters would cope when he does come to leave. The longer he's there, the more attached everyone will get.

I also got upset for the older Connor who missed 3 visits incl his mum's wedding because there was no-one to take him. I think that's awful and must've made him feel even less important. It must also damage the trust between the SWs and the lad himself. He must feel so let down.

I'd really like the BBC to consider a follow up programme after a couple of years to see how they all got on.
 
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