Need OPEN educated Christian opinions on this?

[lovemyangel]

Please read this question carefully and be open to my question. I am totally in love with my fiance as she is me. We are both in our 20s. I am born again however she has been brought up Christian her entire life. I am a normal guy with a good job who has honestly, after making many mistakes (never seriously considering marrying before) found his soul mate. I have known her for a couple of years now and we have fallen in love over the past several months. I asked her to marry me recently and we have a wedding date set 7 months from now. Yes I bought her a ring and no it wasn't cheap. We have our honeymoon location booked and will be booking plane tickets in the next two weeks when they come out. I would honestly and truley with all my heart marry her today if it were practical and possibly. However the soonest I can get my family together for a wedding will be the middle of next year.(they are out of state) I have spoken with them and they are all aware of my engagement. I know it would hurt my family deeply if I didn't have them here for our wedding. The problem is that things are getting a little "iffy" as far as being sexual with each other. (I have heard that as soon as your bodies "prepare" for sex you are being sinful, if thats true we both have been sinning for several months now) It is even more difficult because we live right next to each other and spend most of our free time together. I know things are progressing and it's not that I don't want to wait I am just being realistic. I need to know if you think we could have a ceremony where we become married in the eyes of God without the legal aspect (until next year) I know that for example Adam and Eve were never "legally" married, just married in Gods eyes. And there were many others who got married before legal marriages were imposed. Normally my reaction would be the same as most, however both of us are willing to make a promise to God to be together for the rest of our lives, which in my eyes is more important than the governments paperwork anyway, we both truly mean it and WILL be legally married as soon as practically possible. The bible says "Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:9 I feel as though if we make a promise to God to be together forever there is no higher vow. Please support your responses with biblical passages and not be hateful. I know there are different theorys as far as this subject I'm just not sure which I believe is correct.

 

[Arenajay]

This is a difficult question to answer because the Bible nowhere explicitly states at what point God considers a couple to be married. There are three common viewpoints: 1) God only considers a couple married when they are legally married. 2) A couple is married in God’s eyes when they have completed some kind of formal wedding ceremony. 3) God considers a couple to be married at the moment the marriage is consummated with sexual intercourse

.Romans 13:1-7 talks about submitting yourself to authority because the authorities that exist are established by God (unless they explicitly go against God). Basically that is saying that if where you live your marriage needs to be documented and witnessed and on paper to be considered legal or a true marriage than that is what you should do.

Of course there are some countries where there aren't so many ceremonial laws concerning marriage and couples got married all the time in biblical days without all this documentation etc.

If you don't have legal papers you definitely need the marriage to be overseen by a pastor, preacher, minister etc with the proper ordination to perform a marriage.

Some passages in the bible talk about a man and a woman not being married until after their flesh has become one (had sex) [(Genesis 2:24-25) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.]

Whatever you decide to do make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. We all know about the temptations of sex but marriage is not just about love and procreation and it certainly isn't all about hoping between the sheets it's about honoring God with the union of man and woman

 

[RACHEL]

First of all, thank you for using correct grammar.
My opinion:
Wait. I am a Christian, and the bible says that if you wait to have sex, you will be rewarded.
If you have sex now, it won't be as special as it would be on your wedding night. It will be a more rewarding experience knowing that you have waited and fulfilled your promise. Also, encourage you're girlfriend in her faith. If you are hinting sex to her before you guys get married, you are actually hurting your girlfriend. God will really bless you and your fiance's lives if you have sex AFTER your married. These are just feelings that you're having. They will pass.

I hope this helps, good luck with you and your fiance!
God bless.

 

[SeekingTruth]

I've been married for a few years now and I would like to impart some of my personal experience.
I am now a Christian but wasn't when my wife and I first got together,
we were both sexually active before we were married.
I would strongly suggest that you wait. I know it is almost impossible to do so but the end result will be very fulfilling, especially when you can look back and you will know that you were true and that you didn't "cheat". An arbitrary date that you "made a vow to God" won't ring true in a couple of years after you are (legally) married, I barely remember my wife's and my anniversary of when we got together, just our marriage date.
I wouldn't consider that you have been sinning for a few months now, your bodies are gearing up for a more intimate relationship that comes with marriage, you wouldn't want to get married before these preparations begun!
Your relationship will change when you get (legally) married, don't believe anyone who claims that it's only a piece of paper, it comes with ideas about what roles that a husband and wife should fill, it comes with expectations of ourselves and our spouse and our families. Talk about what you are both expecting of each other post marriage (do you want her to stop working? Do you want to save for a family home straight away? Where will you live?)
My wife and I were very blessed post marriage, we were told that we would never have children and since getting married we have had 2 beautiful daughters (we were having unprotected sex for at least 2 years before we were married with no outcome but our daughter was conceived within a year of being married).
I don't have any scriptures to give you but would very strongly encourage you to wait, in 5 years time you will look back in a completely different way, I hope you can look back with pride and not be disappointed with whatever choice you decide to make.

 

[Kal]

I would say that the best solution is just to get married now in a civil ceremony...then have a church ceremony next summer when all your friends and family can attend. Fly to Vegas and hit a wedding chapel or just go to a justice of the peace.

I do agree that God doesn't require legal sanction for a marriage to be valid...however, I do believe that the security offered to both parties by complying with modern legal requirements plays an important role in the psychology of a marriage. Imagine for a moment how both of you...and your families...would feel if your "fiancee" became pregnant before the "real wedding"...and what about things like life insurance and employment benefits, health care decision making and many other issues you could end up facing without a legal marriage to protect both of you. For example, what if your "wife" was in a car accident and you couldn't visit her in the hospital and/or have any say in the arrangements for her care because you weren't married yet?

Seriously, my advice is to either wait until you can be fully and legally married OR go ahead and form a legal civil marriage now and then say vows again in front of your minister and family/friends later...either way, stay away from sex until you are legally married.