If your fiancee had a non-american sounding name, would u take his name upon

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Demi

New member
You can take a part of his last name and hyphenate it with yours or just use your maiden name for professional purposes. I'd like to add that all women who change their name to their husband's name or even hyphenating it will face some discrimination. Employers will feel that you're not as career-oriented.
I think that because you're studying this topic so deeply, it's throwing the reality out of view. It's still possible to get jobs even without an american last name. North America is getting a lot more multicultural. Your children likely won't have to deal with this problem.
 
marriage and risk discrimination? I'm sure some people on here are going to say this is a stupid, question, but hear me out.

I'm majoring in sociology (yeah, make your jokes) in university. My focus is in race & society. It's fairly common knowledge within sociology that if you have an international-sounding name when, say, applying for a job, certain individuals may not hire you because they believe you not to be from the country where the job is located. So, it's like a sort of racism of sorts. For example, I have some international friends, and they say they have experienced this, and actually found out later that they were not hired simply because they had an international name. E.g, Khashayar Roustenzei. People in America assume that with a name like that, that you're not american, and then make a bunch of negative assumptions about you (like that you likely cannot speak english, or are an illegal immigrant, or are dirty/uncouth/uncivilized). I am NOT SAYING this is "right," but it sadly does occur.

Now, I love my fiancee dearly. He is not American, but has decided to make his home here after meeting me. We are so very very happy together. I don't care in the least that he is not American, and I love learning about his culture and respect him for where he comes from. Perhaps you may consider this question to be rude, but...I have had second thoughts upon taking his last name upon marriage. His last name is Heyztuil-Gruenki. It clearly does not sound "american". I do worry about him being discriminated against, and since we hope to raise a family one day (we both want 3-4 children), I worry that because of a last name issue, that employment may be difficult for us. To ensure that atleast one of us obtains and maintains a job in our laters years, I've considered keeping my American/English sounding name.

What would you do in this situation?
 
I read only your question and first sentence.

I know someone who is about to marry a man. He insists that she NOT take his name because through is life and experience, he is often judged by his last name. He has been discriminated against and so has his family. Now, these are good hard working Americans, mind you. She has a business and he fears that his last name, if she takes it, will effect her business. She never imagined she would never take her husband's last name, but he knows better, so she is actually considering keeping her name. I would keep your name if I were you.

Now, through the Probate Court in your town, did you know your husband could actually change his last name? Yes, he can. So, if you want to have the same last name, he can change his and you can adopt that name after marriage. Something to think about.
 
Sure it will make a difference to some. Do you want to work for people who judge that way?

Most people realize a woman's last name may be her husband's.

I would worry more if the name sounded Muslim, and even then, a worthy employer should know there are plenty of decent muslims.

Taking a man's name is meaningful and it probably matters to your man.

Be a good person, hold your head very high and be proud of your (husband's) name and the culture behind it.

I do not advocate catering to small-minded people. I live in faith, not fear.
 
In that situation, it probably wouldn't be so much the discrimination I was worried about as the name. My identity as an American is very important to me, and I'd prefer not to have one which sounds un-American. If discrimination is the only issue I'd be looking at, then I'd switch in a second; those people aren't worth my time anyway.
 
I would definitely take his name because my pride in being his wife trumps anyone's bigotry against my perceived culture. And it helps to break those stereotypes when a person who looks one way has a name that doesn't quite match up- that happens all the time in America because of intermarriage anyway.
 
You are right. Many times if an employer or a person or company selling a house comes across an application with an african, african-american, middle-eastern, or latino sounding name, they will decline that application. However, I don't care about such things, so I would take his last name. Besides, I'm only concerned about God's opinion, not man's. (1 Samuel 16:7; Acts 10:34, 35)
 
Women keep their maiden name for various reasons. But to keep it because your fiance's name doesn't sound "American" just seems silly. And what kind of message are you sending to your fiance.

My grandparents name was Schmidt. During WWII my grandmother wanted my grandfather to change their name to Smith so people wouldn't judge them being German and somehow associated with Hitler. My grandfather refused. He wasn't about to buckle to society or prejudice and proudly kept his name.

Also, there are many, many Americans with foreign names. Unless you're a Native American, you have a foreign name because you are descended from immigrants. My dad was born here and his parents were Italian immigrants. He was a proud America (he refused to be identified as an Italian American) with the last name Longinotti.
 
I understand your points, but I would not let it stop me from taking my husband's name. My identity has nothing to do with my NAME, and a 2 second phone call is all it would take to show english IS my first language. My opinion is that you are over-thinking this.
 
Yes take his name legally. However when you apply to jobs use both your last name and his name (or just your name). Many people, such as celebs use their maiden names for work such as Kelly Ripa and Demi Moore. Both women legally are Kelly Consuelos (cant spell it sorry) and Demi Kushner (however you spell his name).
I would suggest you either keep your name and make your middle name your maiden last name and then your new last name OR just do as I suggested above.

Example
Jane Emily Doe could become Jane Doe Martez or on her resume she could still call herself 'Jane Doe' to get the interview and later on let them know you got married and are now Jane Emily Martez
 
Well, technically most last names in America are from some where else

I do not think that would be a problem

I was born with an Irish last name, I am married with a german last name
The irish last name is way more common and well know
The german last name, is not, and you need to spell it for people
I do not think there is a problem with the last names
Both are non American last names
 
Interesting question.

I've thought about this, most recently when a newlywed caucasian friend was telling me she kept getting weird looks when she introduced herself with her new Asian last name.

I am marrying soon and I am taking my fiance's last name which is of the same nationality as my own. I believe it is important when establishing a family that you share a common name. However, I would not take a foreign sounding last name as my own. But, I also would not be marrying someone of a different race in the first place, I've always only dated and been attracted to people of similar origin. That is my personal preference. On a professional level, I could care less what colour your skin is, what your native tongue is or how hard your last name is to pronounce.
 
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