I would like to know have an educated opinion as to whether or not I may be

[drummerguy]

suffering from Mania.? I have lived a life full of twist, turns, and mental and physical abuse (mostly mental). I was basically an innocent child up until High School, when my emotions started pouring out in reaction to the severe abuse I had faced until then and even throughout High School. And please, PLEASE, do not judge me for the things of which I am about to release. During High school, I had very awful depression and anger problems. At some points in my HS career, I was in such depression I attempted suicide....TWICE. When I was angry, I was ANGRY. Most of the time, I never acted upon such anger. i would sit in my room for hours at a time, doing nothing but listening to music ( and not just metal, but classical as well) fantasizing about basically destroying the world, torturing people, killing people, even my own girlfriend. Now, of course, I have just completed my freshman year of college. I guess you could say that I am pretty much like every college student on the outside. I am most likely pledging with a fraternity this fall. I take pride in what I do. I was a member of the marching band during football season, when we pummeled the bands of LSU, and other great colleges. I'm a math major, and a dual minor in both physics and computer Sciences. But, underneath it all, I feel like something is wrong. My girlfriend of 10 months has even began to notice. I can literally be completely happy one minute, sit down, and start shouting in anger the next, usually followed by depression of a non suicidal level. At night at times, when I am relaxed, my brain is still very much alive. It is at these times, and sometimes even during the day itself, that I feel another person altogether trying to come out. I feel unnecessarily paranoid at times. When I am in the shower, i can barely close my eyes for I feel as though something is going to attack me. When I do close my eyes, I am sometimes afraid to open them in fear of seeing something unnatural standing before me. I will restate, as a closing statement, that when I feel emotions, they are normally exaggerated. Also, I have problems clearing my mind of morbid thoughts at night. I will sometimes be subjected to dark, evil images and ideas against my conscious will and, as I stated before, have a hard time clearing my head of such.I am actually beginning to feel slightly afraid of even myself at times. I will admit that these symptoms do not occur all the time, but only from time to time. I feel as though I may be suffering from mania, but i am not quite sure. I hate to use Y!Answers for this because of the ability for anyone to access this, but i feel i have no other choice. I really don't think information like this could hurt me in the future. Thanks in advance for any answers.

 

[N. E. O.]

It seems to me that you are a very intellectually gifted person, but have yet to discover that there are more important things in life than just the science of things, I believe you need to try and release, express, and more comprehend your emotions in an aspect of a life activity that truly motivates you and opens your heart and soul. You also must do this in a healthy way in order to not harm yourself or others physically or mentally in the process, its something that takes time and patience...the only other thing I can suggest is that you need to practice mindfulness in order to calm your mind of anxiety, I would definitely suggest meditation. I truly hope the best for you in your progress in creating overall serenity.

 

[Kekionga]

If you're not willing to tell you doctor about your feelings (they really can help as my doctor did for me) then I would suggest you try taking the herb supplement St. Johns Wort.

It has taken the edge off and I don't get so edgy and lay awake "thinking" like I used to. I don't fly off the handle as much and handle stress way better than I used to. I needed the brain drugs for a while after my "incident" but for years this is all I've been taking.

Good luck. I recommend you talk to the doctor and ask for help... it is there for the asking.






~

 

[mother]

Wow, dude, you could be my brother, or another devoted fan of Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange. I'm 47yrs now, and really feel an emotional burnout, as there always seems to be too much to lose to attempt gratifying these feelings. In short, as life goes on, I think you're going to discover there's a lot of people who struggle the same way you do, but it's up to you to decide how much "help" you want with the situation. I waited until I was 31 and suicidal to get a professional opinion, and was relieved to hear that I was both diagnosable and treatable. What appears on the surface may lead to depths and layers of complications, in my case, what started as my being labeled bipolar (which is what you might be describing), over 6 years of the gamut of psychotheraputic approaches, kinda finalized in a diagnosis of OCD with adaptations that gravitated toward any kind of comfort zone. Basically, I think too much, instead of washing my hands every 5 minutes, in order to avoid my feelings of powerlessness, vulnerability, lack of masculinity, fears, etc. In short, for the want to be comfortable, I obsess on something that's funny, and have a manic, or something that sucks, and have a depressive, a piss off, and run around angry, etc. Where it really went bad is when I used my mind like that so much it became a practice made perfect, and I was trapped in my own hell, by the way-for the want to be comfortable. The adults used to tell us kids not to make that face, or it might get stuck that way, but with the mind, it's a matter of training neuroreceptors until it becomes a "thought highway" in my case, it took some lithium to alter the saline enough to "jumpstart" parts of the brain that "needed a jump". After that it was all a truth seeking expedition. Suicidal notions were my way of telling myself it wasn't living AT ALL that was the problem, but living THAT WAY that had to change. 16yrs later, it's no less of a "fight", it just helps a whole lot to have a grip on how I played with my mental comfort zone to get somewhere so much worse for my efforts. My IQ is 117, electrician, married, doing ok. My life looks ok for what my mind has done to it- dogpaddle!

 

[mother]

Wow, dude, you could be my brother, or another devoted fan of Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange. I'm 47yrs now, and really feel an emotional burnout, as there always seems to be too much to lose to attempt gratifying these feelings. In short, as life goes on, I think you're going to discover there's a lot of people who struggle the same way you do, but it's up to you to decide how much "help" you want with the situation. I waited until I was 31 and suicidal to get a professional opinion, and was relieved to hear that I was both diagnosable and treatable. What appears on the surface may lead to depths and layers of complications, in my case, what started as my being labeled bipolar (which is what you might be describing), over 6 years of the gamut of psychotheraputic approaches, kinda finalized in a diagnosis of OCD with adaptations that gravitated toward any kind of comfort zone. Basically, I think too much, instead of washing my hands every 5 minutes, in order to avoid my feelings of powerlessness, vulnerability, lack of masculinity, fears, etc. In short, for the want to be comfortable, I obsess on something that's funny, and have a manic, or something that sucks, and have a depressive, a piss off, and run around angry, etc. Where it really went bad is when I used my mind like that so much it became a practice made perfect, and I was trapped in my own hell, by the way-for the want to be comfortable. The adults used to tell us kids not to make that face, or it might get stuck that way, but with the mind, it's a matter of training neuroreceptors until it becomes a "thought highway" in my case, it took some lithium to alter the saline enough to "jumpstart" parts of the brain that "needed a jump". After that it was all a truth seeking expedition. Suicidal notions were my way of telling myself it wasn't living AT ALL that was the problem, but living THAT WAY that had to change. 16yrs later, it's no less of a "fight", it just helps a whole lot to have a grip on how I played with my mental comfort zone to get somewhere so much worse for my efforts. My IQ is 117, electrician, married, doing ok. My life looks ok for what my mind has done to it- dogpaddle!