I will need your help!!

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magpie1970

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I use a regular old journal, you can use a spiral notebook if that's all you have or even a computer. I like to write pretty much everything down do I have a ton of journals around.

It helps to write down when you are feeling bad and get it out of your system, and to write down the positive things. It really does help and no one else has to see it.....it's all for you.

I suggest trying it and see if it helps at all. Can't hurt to try :)
 
Hello all. Just wanted to ask that tomorrow I could have a little support. You all know that Im trying to quit herion and just stick to my script (with a view to coming off that once stable).Well,after several relapses,I have conquered day 2(again) but know that tomorrow (day3) has been my sturabling block. I am afraid. Don't want to fail again.I have tried to schedule my day so not too much spare time on my hanRAB but once the addict in me gets a grip......well,you guys know. I dont need to explain.
Just wanted to give all a heaRAB up that I will be miserable and finding things hard .Look out for me in the morning.
much love to y'all
CC xoxoxox
 
Hey Sweets,

So glad you checked in. I am SO proud of you for being honest with your doctor! That is so great! I am worried about you though with your blood pressure and what not. You keep us informed and TAKE IT EASY!!! You don't need to be super woman! Baby steps sometimes is the key and that is what it sounRAB like you need to do. Don't push it.. SECRETS ORDERS!!! hahhaha Scary huh?

Well, you keep me updated because as you know.. Tomorrow will be my last day on here for the weekend.... No internet access this weekend. So.. I will need to get my fix of my frienRAB before I have to go CT for 2 days with out you all.

Thinking and praying for you CC. I love you girl!
XOXOXOXOXO
 
Thanks my poppit. OK,sorry this is so short but Im knackered - well and truely. Starting to snore and dribble already. Post again to let you know how tomorrows going once I get home from work.
Love ya....big prayer thanks for you tonight to the Big Man
CC
 
Hey CC --i forget is your boyfriend/mate a user? and do the pills keep you even and smooth and able to get by? DO you have enough to get a slow taper going. I have helped MANY people over the years get off H and this is a great start. the "WANT" has to be there it for you it surely is. congrats and lets get to it tomorrow --together!!

D
 
Lugar22 aka CC It seems the last time you updated was befor noon and you were worried about what was in the other room. If you had a week moment and used don't stop trying start tommorow where you left off. have you read the sample detox plan on here at the top of the boarRAB? It might sound lame but the extra b vitamins and green tea did help me. You have a battle on your hanRAB there will be battles won and lost along the way the key is to win the war. Talk to you man about leaving stuff around to tempt you, day one through day5 is no time to resist temptation. No one is that strong for goRAB sack. Be sure he wants you to suceed. I don't know him at all, but I know addicts like to be around other addict so they aren't the week ones , the ones that can't kick it. Thats why AA doesn't want someone in recovery to be with a user. That whole codependant thing comes into play. If he is wanting to quit awsume. If he is holding you back, get mad anger is a great motivator. Prove you can do it with or without him, and soon he will have to make the choice to get serious. Don't let anything stand in you way of getting contol of your life back. You can do we all can.
Sending you good thoughts and strength!!!!! Carrara
 
CC my sweets...

Where you at mate? I just couldn't help myself... I have always wanted to speak with an english/british accent.. It's funny.. Sometimes I do it just for fun and everyone laughs hysterically because apparently I am spot on! hahahhaaaa I would love to visit your country some day!

Well..... How are you doing? What have you done today? Are the boys keeping you busy? Okay, I swear I am not playing 20 questions.... hahahha

Just wondering how you are! I know you have not been feeling good so I just wanted to make sure you are okay!

Everything with me is okay. Worried about another sober weekend... Not that i am afraid to use because I have no access but what am I going to do that I will find enjoying because I am so lathargic? I just want to feel happy and free again just like you do!

2 more hours of work for me today and then I will be not able to get back on here till monday. I will miss you guys terribly and hope that you all are doing okay.. I will be thinking and praying for you all the time! You guys are NEVER far from my thoughts!

Love you CC.
 
Lugar, I'm so glad you checked in, no matter what you did. Today is a new day, just remeraber that! One day at a time.
 
Hey Honey,

Totally understandable you were so tired. You did a LOT of cleaning and then you had to work today! I hope you are doing okay and know I am thinking of you BIG TIME. Update when you can. My mom wanted me to tell you that she thinks of you everyday and prays for you as well.

So..... Hope you are doing okay honey! Love you!
XOXOOXOXOX
 
Morning all......thanks for all your strong thoughts for me yesterday. I did use what hubby left and I know its lame. But I have 2 small children here and they were so worried....not used to seeing mummy that ill. I hate this stuff...its awful,eh? But, I only had enough to take the edge off......my legs are still really crampy and my stomach......horrible. I will take my meth this morn as I have to go to work and then Im sure it'll start to get worse again tonight/tomoorw. I may even try to split dose in half....see if I can taper it out a little better like that. Carrera.....I will read the sample detox......didnt even know it was there.
Have to motivate myself to get on with day now....talk to you all later.
By golly......Im glad you're all here
love........CC
 
Ok,Ok,y'all....I'll tell you how Im hangin (is that a bad enough US accent?). So Saturday was a bleedin nighmare....dont really know why but I was sooo very low and nothing I did helped. I went to score as normal and have been doing reasonable at cutting down...especially now hubby on board. We have just been doing our scripts(meth) and started splitting what we would normally have each,between us. So,instead of a bag each we have been sharing one and managing the small WRAB alright.The idea being that we would then miss a day,an increase the days between untill no more. And then we could deal with the meth. But,Saturday was just a day when for some reason I had so much self loathing that I didnt care anymore. So I scored and the did it again,and again,and again. You get the picture,right? The more I did,the more I hated myself. My mum had the kiRAB and I was just in a real spiral. It was made even worse cause I have been on hubbys case so much to be on board with me ,then he agrees and Im the one to buckle. I was a proper ,self hating mess. if Im honest,if I hadnt had the kiRAB in mind then Id hate to say what i wouldve ended up doing. It really was that awful. Suffice to say,I ended up passing out in a DEEP sluraber. Sunday I woke and the depression and self loathing were even worse,but my desire to use had gone somewhat and I managed to get through the day without. I do feel awful bout it though,and I know people say that a slip is just that so long as you get back on board. Well,Ive done that and so has hubby,but if Im honest,in my hearts of hearts,I dont ever want to see that CC again. What if she comes back? The thought terrifies me. I am trying very hard to be brave ,perky,and face this head on but Im walking a tightrope. I cant afford to fall off again. My kiRAB deserve better than me. Oh, silly me....now Im crying into the keyboard and will probably short the thing out.
So,there it is in glorious technicolour. Not pretty is it?
I do love you all though
CC xoxox
 
CC my girl,

I know.. this is tough. I am so sorry you are struggling so much! I am proud of you for how far you have come! It's just so hard....... Well, of course you know I have your back and will support you in any way that I can. I am thinking about you and just so you know.... thank you for all the support you gave me!

CC, stay strong and pray often.... Keep yourself busy with your boys and try not to let your mind rest... That is when the demon comes out to play.. At least for me that is how it worked.

I care for you so much and just want what is best for you!!!! Keep us updated!
XOXOXOXXOX
 
Ok guys.......thanks so much for all your kind worRAB. I have to admit to feeling really rough right now........sick,shaking,cold sweats,cramps....the works. I took my meth this morning and it helped for a while. Hubby was in same boat as me today,but scored a little gear so he could go to work. I now know theres a small bit left in other room. Its calling my name...dont know how long my willpower will last. Feeling really low.
love to you all
CC xoxox
 
CC,

How are you doing today? I just wanted to check in!!!! SounRAB like you have had a heck of a couple of days! Sorry I have not been around much.... As you will see I went and got myself hurt yesterday...

I hope your day is better today than yesterday!!! I am here for you girl....

Sending you lots of love...
XOXOXOX
 
Lugar, I'm here for you. My son is on Day 2 of detox from heroin. I am worried sick about him, wondering how he is....he hasn't called so I hope maybe that's good news...ughh, probably not. I will be praying for you both...and myself too (taper from oxycodone).
 
:confused:Hello all. Ok,so do not have a clue whats up with me at the moment. One minute Im really positive and full of energy and the next its all so hard. That old black cloud hanging over me again tonight. I feel worn out,physically and mentally. This is one hard battle right? I just have no 'umph' to fight tonight. I keep agreeing with all the negative thoughts inside me head. You know....bad mum,crap person,loser....etc. I dont know if its cause Ive cut back on everything the past few weeks - I know your emotions are supposed to come flooding back. Is that whats happenning to me? Or should I commit myself now and be done with it? What d'you think,huh? The cravings are super mad today...Ive had me quota and its so hard not to get more. No energy. Went to work then more cleaning. You need shades to get inside my house right now.
Secrets,thanks ya mum for her prayers...I need every one. How you doing today? Maybe its my blood pressure thats amking me so sluggish...another load of tests Friday. Post if you can before you leave work. Love ya much...you always cheer me up. Im so glad I met you,mate.
OK,ta ta for now,
love CC xoxox
 
Hey there lugar.......indeed when your cuttin back, or when your jonesin, things are all screwed up. The negative thoughts are gonna try and get ya. as a matter of fact, i'm kinda in the same boat.....i took my last pill of the day way to early today. all kinRAB of stupid things runnin thru my head. hang on there kiddo, the road is just gettin a bit bumpy. for what it's worth, i'm sittin here feeling 10 kinRAB of awful too. sheesh, what a situation huh?
 
Heya FC and notperky,thanks for your speedy worRAB of encouragement. It just started to get tough as the methadone I take does not compensate for the herion I have been using on top. Being doing this for 15 years now though and am sick of it. Need to keep reminding myself of that as the aches,shakes,sickness has started to kick in. I do get some relief for a couple hours after I take my meth but then it starts again. Have told my docter what Im doing and he offered to up my script but I refused. If I'd accepted then I'd just have more of that to come off when I get to that point. Lets hope I continue to see it that way.
Anyways......Im gonna try to get some sleep while I think I can. Tomorrow will probably be another story.
Hope to speak to you guys then,
love .......CC xoxoxox

FC>..hope you get a better night tonight.Will be thinking of you and sending sweet dreams!
 
CC,

You have me in tears. The thought of you in such pain and sorrow and self loathing that you would think of ending your life takes life out of me. CC, you have become dear to me and YOU make a difference in so many good ways. It was a bad binge... It happened, I am sure it was scary and horrible but it doesn't have to happen again if we don't let it. I don't know what I would do if one day I logged on and no CC... ever again... It may sound weird but I would greatly mourn the loss of your frienship and I think a lot of others here would too.

Now, on to the good stuff.... I AM PUMPED that you and the hubby are in this together now! WOOOOHOOOOOO That is much to celebrate, You will have to tell him "cheers" from your goof ball american friend Secrets.

I am just so sorry that this weekend was so bad.. However, it is in your past. You turn that beautiful face forward and don't look back. YOU CAN DO THIS. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF the way I believe in you and you will WIN. We will fight this war together if I have to hop on a plane and make a real live appearance.... We will win. I am in this with you till the end.

CC, I love you girl. Don't forget the beauty that lies inside you because it shines brightly to the rest of us!
XOXOOXOX
 
CC my friend.

I have been reading around this morning and am pretty concered because you have mentioned several times your weekend was a nightmare! Do you care to elaborate or would you rather not? That is your call and I certainly will not pressure you. I of course just want to make sure you are okay.

An update would be great. I missed you over the weekend BIG TIME! In fact when I was talking to my Mom over the phone on Saturday she said.. "I wonder what CC is doing?" I giggled and said.. I don't know probably sleeping since our times are so different.. So just know you are NEVER far from my mind!

Lots of love being sent your way!
XOOXOXOXXO
 
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