KnittingGirl
New member
Hello all. I'm just wondering if I might be schizophrenic. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder and have been taking some meds for it for years, but I still feel like something is amiss. I still have delusions (I think), like most of the time I feel like someone or something (entities) that is dangerous is watching me. I am extremely afraid of the dark, because I feel like someone will hurt me. I stay clear of windows when it's dark outside because someone could see in and shoot me. I also have a problem with toilets, I am scared something will grab me when I sit down, or that spiders will be sitting on the back of the toilet seat. When I sit in chairs or on couches I pick my feet up so that nothing can grab them. I cannot sleep with the back of my neck exposed because I feel like someone will hurt me if they see that I'm sleeping. I'm scared of mirrors because I always feel like I'm going to see someone behind me that isn't visible to anyone else. When I'm alone I often relive arguments or situations out loud and have a complete conversation or argument by myself. I am extremely paranoid at night, constantly looking for things to move on their own accord or something to show itself in the mirrors. I am also very confused because I had cancer when I was 15, and I cannot remember a lot of the things that went on during that time. My mom will tell me something that happened and I don't remember it. I also have a lot of difficulty sleeping without any form of sleep aid. I have had insomnia since I was 15. I never seem to keep many friends because I always feel like they are trying to do something against me or to me. I feel like if anyone laughs around me that it is directly at me and it sounds really disgusting. It pisses me off so much that I get into fight mode. I'm scared that if I ever do fight someone, I have so much pent up anger that I might hurt someone severely. I also get bouts of anger, where I throw things and scream and want to scratch my arms. I sometimes restrict my diet or fast because I feel disgustingly obese and inferior to others, thoughts go through my head like "you don't deserve to eat you fat heifer" and "You don't need to eat that, your body has more than enough fat to live on". I know I sound like a miserable person, but I actually live a happy life. I've just noticed that things aren't really changing for me throughout the years and I am concerned. Any responses to this question will be greatly appreciated. I just want to know what a community of individuals thinks of all of this. Please only answer this if you are being serious about your answers. I am very interested in an objective opinion. Thank you.