I am scared because I am injured!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Secrets1983
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Secrets1983

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Hello FrienRAB,

OKay, I have done a lot of thinking about my situation. I am not happy with how things are going at all. I am not happy using meRAB again. I am not happy being in pain. However, after putting this all into perspective I have decided that tomorrow I will try to go all day without taking any meRAB for pain. I still have 21 pills left to be exact and I am hoping to be able to say the same thing monday morning when I check in.

My recovery is so important and I already slipped and I am not okay with that. I only took 2 pills today and my work day is almost over. I have to protect myself and this is the only way I can. I will have to live with the pain and just focus on the fact that being sober is more important.

I appreciate all of your support in my recovery process. Have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
XOXOXOX
 
It's such a hard road to walk, isn't it? Pain on one hand and addiction on the other. What do you do? Which road do you take? Your heart will guide you and don't let the Oxy demons fool you into walking into the jungle. Take the meRAB when you absolutely need them, but push yourself to be free of their nasty habit when you can. Take care of the knee and don't push it - give it time to heal properly. I'm really proud of your telling your doctor about your addiction and having your husband dole out the pills to you. That shows a lot of courage and determination. You have the stamina to push through this, but still the main goal is to get your knee better.
 
Hi secrets. I hope your hangin in there. It's so hard I know. I started physical therapy on my elbow Wednesday and then again Friday. I am in so much pain. My arm won't bend or straighten so they are forcing it and it feels like they are ripping it off. I hope your therapy isn't as aggressive so you don't have alot of added pain. I sat on the bed last night and cried. Why are we addicts? I don't understand why some people can take them or leave them and some of us "chosen" ones can't! I get so frustrated. I know I'm not alone in that after reading your whole story. I appreciate all your openness and honesty with what you are going through. Don't beat yourself up for having a weak moment. I think that happens to us all. Hang in there you really are doing great. You are stronger than what you think. You quit using didn't you? That takes someone with a very strong will! My doc and counslor both told me that taking pain meRAB when medically necessary isn't taking away from clean time. I took my pain meRAB for 5 days after my surgery. Since then I do the ice, elevate and lots of rest. I also take a non narcotic pain reliever called Toradol. The pharmacist told me that was the strongest pain meRAB I could get without going to narcotics. It really does help me. You might check into that. Good luck with everything. Talk to you soon.
 
Hey guys!

I hope all of your weekenRAB was great! Mine was pretty low key. My knee was quite bothersome for the most part and that was frusterating. I have still been taking the meRAB as prescribed and I am still not allowing myself to be in control of them. My husband has been great handing them out. However, today when I went to pick up my refill it seemed as though the addict part of my brian SPRANG TO LIFE and my head started spinning! :dizzy: All these thoughts like, "just take a couple out, he will never check.... take a couple extra right now.... don't even tell him you have the refill and keep them.. Maybe he will forget." Before I knew it, I had that bottle opened and 2 were down the hatch (vicodin) So, I decided it was majorly wrong that I allowed this to happen and that it be best I call my husband right away and tell him. And # 2 come on here and be honest with you guys about my slip. I am really ashamed of this... Really ashamed. I called that nuraber that the dr. gave me and got voicemail. I chickened out and didn't leave a message. I will try and call it again after work.

My husband will get home after work and he knows there will be exactly 28 pills left in the bottle. I told him that I took 2 when I didn't need to and that the bottle came with 30 as he will see... He was very calm and told me he loved me and was proud that I told him right away. He asked if I wanted him to take a break from work (a job he just got on Monday.. PRAISE THE LORD) and I said no, I was going back to work and was going to hop on the board right away and get this off my chest and vent a little. He said that was a good idea and to also call him back if I needed or wanted to. What a sweet loving man! I am so blessed. There was ZERO judgement from him. Only love and support.

So that is that. I feel so guilty from what I am done.... I think I have this under control again. I feel not only have I dissapointed myself but also all of you. How can I give out advice and support and then behave this way. I am sorry you guys! I really am.

I love you guys!
S
 
Good Morning my dear frienRAB,

How are you all this morning? I am doing a bit better today mentally. THANK GOD! Seems I may have come to my senses a bit and calmed down enough to really think clearly about this.

Okay, so here is my plan. My knee really hurts badly but I have made it this far with out taking any narcotic pain medication. I am going to go this weekend with the tylenol I have been using and wait until I see the surgeon on Monday and let him know about my addiction and speak to him in regarRAB to the amount of pain I am in. That way, I am well monitored and I will also speak to my husband about holding the meRAB. I figure at least this weekend I will be able to rest in my house and not be at work. I seem to struggle really badly here when I am not at home resting it with it propped up on a pillow with some ice....

So, that is that my frienRAB. I hope you all have great days!

Hugs to you all!
 
Hey everyone,

So here is the scoop. Over the weekend I jacked my left knee up big time. I accidentally rammed it into our marble coffee table in our living room. It brought me down, big time. I cried... Gathered myself and dealt with it with a lot of Tylenol. I rested a ton over the weekend. Monday came and I was in so much pain I took the day off of work and went to the Dr. They took an x-ray and determined that I had muscle that has been torn from the bone in my knee. It explained the pain I was in. So far I am narcotic free... I am miserable though. They have reffered me on to an Orthopedic Surgeon and I meet with him on Monday and I don't know how much longer I can deal with this pain and my addiction with out caving. Now, I have thought long and hard about this..... I have real, pain. Moderate to severe pain. If I was not an addict, there would be no reason for me not to take the pain meRAB being offered. But... since I am an addict I am scared to go down that path.

I was just wondering what all of your thoughts were before I really made a firm decision. With all that being said, I have been having terrible cravings as you all know but I have been strong thus far. I was just informed from the clinic that my Dr. has called in 15 vicodin just in case I change my mind it's waiting for me..... I could really use the relief but I know I will enjoy every moment of it as well... Is that wrong? If I take them as prescribed does that make me a failure...

Any and all opinions are welcomed. Please, I appreciate your respectful opinions my frienRAB!
 
I hate to hear of anybody in pain but especially an addict. I have abused pain pills for 8 years. My first clean day is February 10, 2009. I recently faced a situation (surgery) where I had to take the pain meRAB. My husband got them filled and I asked him to keep them hidden from me and to "dole" them out to me as directed. It worked out great, the system anyways. I had to take more than prescribed to even touch my pain (5 mg tab every 6 hrs) I had to take 2 tabs every 2-4 hours. I had to explain myself and reassure him that I wasn't getting "high", which by the way I wasn't, but it did help my pain. Hope this helps. Sometimes hearing first hand experiences helps more than anything I think. I had ulnar nerve surgery nuraber 2 on my right elbow. Also, I had surgery on Wednesday October 14,2009 and the 18th was the last day I took any pain meRAB. I've been elevating, icing and resting instead. Good luck!
 
Secrets, I sure feel your dilemma. I've wondered myself how I would respond if I'm ever in a surgery situation or similar, where I'm offered narcotics. I hope I don't have to face that decision, because I fear what would happen. I think, personally, I'd be out-of-control again. I hope your knee gets better soon -- you sure don't need this on top of the normal everyday stuff! Just do what's right for you.
 
Vanessa,

THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your experience with me. It means a lot to me. I see you are new here so WELCOME!

I am sorry to hear of your surgeries! You must be very strong to get thru all of that. I feel like my tolerance has already grown strong and the meRAB don't do as much for the pain as when they first did. It's funny when you talked about taking more meRAB than you were prescribed and not even getting high from it. When I took those 2 extra yesterday in my weakness.... they didn't make me feel high at all. I still feel horrible about it but my husband was a great asset to me last night in regarRAB to reassuring me that I can move past that. I will no longer be picking up my own meRAB to safe gaurd myself. I feel very comfortable with that as it was my idea and my husband said he would be more than happy to pick them up in the future for me if I need them. I love that man!!!! Oh, on a side note to lift my spirits he made me a card last night from scratch that was to DIE FOR! He is so romantic and loving!

Anyways.... Today my pain is bad but I took my meRAB when I woke up, with little relief and went on with my day. I only have my next dose with me so I will not allow myself to take those until this afternoon for sure if I need them.

I hope you are all great today.

Vanessa, thank you again for your worRAB. I hope you heal fast and maintain that great strength you have! It is very inspirational! Keep posting!!!
XOXOXOX
 
Hey Secrets.... Since you won't be needing those smoking stillettoes this weekend...maybe I could borrow them..?

Lol
Lou
 
Hey D.
Thanks so much for your support! I just really appreciate you.

So today, SUCKS. Going on a few days now of no meRAB..... My knee is killing me. I am SOOO beyond exhausted. I have a ton of anxiety and in between my shoulder blades is tingling. I know this is the right thing. I just feel so tired. I hate this feeling because I KNOW how long it takes to go away. I am pretty sure that tonight when I get home I will have to take some medication because my knee hurts so badly. However, knowing the other feelings are very present I want to make sure I am taking the meRAB for the right reasons.

Just a bad day. Hope your days are all better!
Blessings!
 
Hey - we're always here to listen. You know that! Hope you're starting to feel better.

To expand on your story about people not talking about their addiction/dependency. A friend of mine was in a very serious, "how did he live?", accident. He had multiple injuries, many could have been life threatening on their own. But, he lived and was taking pain medication for about a month. Of course the prescribing physician never told him the proper way to stop taking them and he suffered withdrawals. His wife refused to tell ANYONE about it and was so erabarrassed that her husband was in withdrawals like a "common junkie." Her sister told me about his problem in confidence (she knew my story) and I told her to somehow get him to talk to me, even on the sly so I could help him out. I guess he eventually got through the cold turkey on his own, so not to erabarrass his wife any. Sheesh!

Everyone has their their level of comfort and frienRAB that they can confided in. That's what's nice about this forum. It's anonymous and it is easy to spill your guts out, no matter who you are and lay yourself open on subjects you would never tell your best friend(s) about. I know I've said things here that I have not told other people. But, that is the purpose of the forum for people to lay it all out, so the ones of us that have been through it can help them out.

You're doing great Secrets. Just take it one-day-at-a-time and you'll make it. Do what you have to do to make it until the end of the day and start all over again tomorrow.
 
Yikes Secrets! Maybe you're getting all of the bad luck out of your system and there'll be nothing but good luck from here on out. I feel so sorry for you. I know how bad muscle tears can be. Remeraber RICE - Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation. Just allow it time to repair itself and stay off of it for a while. Hope all goes well at the doctor's office.
 
Yep.

As a former competitive ski racer I've had and seen my fair share of knee injuries. I did my ACL and had surgery for the repair. While pain meRAB are almost always offered right after the time of injury, and again right after the surgery, a lot of people that I've known skip the pain meRAB and go with the above advice and ibuprofen.

Secrets, only you know what the pain is like, and no one else, not a doctor or otherwise, can get in your head and see how much you are suffering from pain.

I'll say though, from my experience, you're on a slippery slope. It's very easy to convince yourself that your just taking them "as prescribed" so everything is cool. Dig down deep inside and ask yourself the tough questions. It sounRAB like you've come a long way, so be careful!
 
Hi there Ms. Secrets:wave:

Although I am not an addict I have read this board for awhile and wanted to say hi. Through your posts its obvious that you have such a loving heart and caring bright soul. :angel:

As someone who has had 7 knee surgeries I can tell you that the pain is intense and it makes absolute logical sense to need strong pain killers right now!! You seem like a HONEST ans STRONG young woman and I have no doubt that you will make it through this. I admire how you are working with your surgeon about safely tapering off meRAB once your knee is healed.

Take care, hold your head up high and proud, and know that you are in my thoughts as you face surgery. Keep all of your frienRAB here (old and new:D) updated when you get the chance.

All the best,

SW:wave:
 
Taking pain meRAB for legitimate pain and as prescribed is acceptable, but remeraber to taper off of it and beware of asking for refills unless you absolutely need it. That does not make you a failure. Make sure to tell each doctor your addiction problem so they are aware of it as well. I'm so sorry you whacked your knee and injured yourself. Torn muscles are nasty. I hope it heals fast for you.
 
Hey everyone,

Oh boy, it's been a heck of a couple of days here. I have about a million different feelings right now.

This is going to be VERY honest... so buckle up. I have so much anxiety that I can barely contain myself knowing that their are meRAB at the pharmacy waiting for me. It's doing something horrible to me. The addict part of my brain is really been loud lately. My knee hurts so bad that I know this is justifiable pain but I don't feel trusted.

Yes, I can have my spouse hold my meRAB. I can even have them pick them up for me from the pharmacy so I have no alone time with them... I have thought a lot about this. I was up almost all night in pain so I had some time to think.

I am so angry about being an addict. I am so mad at myself. I look at other people, people who I "know" don't have an addiction and I am so envious. I am so angry at myself for letting myself become an addict. UGH>>>>>>>

Ok, well my temper tantrum is coming to a close now. Thanks for hanging in there with me guys. I appreciate all your support with this.
XOXOXO
Blessings to you all.
 
Thank you caberg for your worRAB of wisdom. I appreciate them very much! I have been thinking a lot about this. I think you are right about being able to convince yourself it's okay to take them because you are taking them as presribed. I spoke with my husband last night and told him I felt I could take less. I have been taking a lot of IB profen and today is the first day that I have been able to take only one dose.

The slippery slope is something that scares me to death and I know how bad this can get. I have been there. So, I am fighting with everything I have to be honest with myself and my husband as he controls my meRAB.

Your worRAB just confirmed what I was thinking so thank you so much for saying them.

Of course I will keep you all posted as I always do :wave:
 
Thank you for your support Vanessa! Every bit helps. It sounRAB like you and I are struggling with a similar issue. I too sometimes just breakdown and cry because I am an addict. Life would be so much easier without this monkey on my back.

Today seems really hopeless. I feel such a void. I noticed today I have been eating a lot.... It's like I am trying to fill this void with anything and that is not good. I am glad I recognized it but it sucks.

I am trying to remeraber WAY back before my addiction started. Right before my pill addiction started I was drinking way too much. It caused a lot of problems and when drinking started affecting my life I quit just like that. and a couple of months later... I found pills and it was perfect.(or so I thought) No one could tell I was using them and they made me feel like a million dollars. Now I don't have them either. I am trying to figure out a way to be happy, energetic and fun without any substance. I was all of those things a long time ago. My husband is starting to get frusterated by my up and down mood swings (when on the pills and when not) so I need to pull it together and fast.

In life I have a lot to be thankful for. I just wish I could focus more on those things than my cravings. I am so sick of this. It's like I need something else to obsess about. Something healthy. Anyone else feel this way???

Okay, I am going to be done now and try to take my mind off this situation. I hope you all are doing well... Fighting the good fight.

Blessings,

And Lou, no.... I am not loaning out my shoes.... ever! LOL
 
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