instantitnet
New member
Skinner: "Remember Otto, we're entrusting you with the school's greatest natural resource; the school bus."
Great "Simpsons" Quotes
- Thread starter Shardote
- Start date
Radioactive Man:
Assistant: What is it now, Quimby?
Quimby: Nothing, nothing. Only the, er, city has just passed another tax on puffy directing pants.
Director: But I don't wear puffy pants!
Quimby: ...I meant a tax on not wearing puffy pants.
Assistant: Oy.
Quimby: I'm sorry.
^ No you're not.
Assistant: What is it now, Quimby?
Quimby: Nothing, nothing. Only the, er, city has just passed another tax on puffy directing pants.
Director: But I don't wear puffy pants!
Quimby: ...I meant a tax on not wearing puffy pants.
Assistant: Oy.
Quimby: I'm sorry.
^ No you're not.
Great "Simpsons" Quotes
Behind The Laughter
Homer: I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.
Homer: Then came the rocks -- jagged rocks, hitting me with their jags.
Lisa: To prolong the run of the series, I was secretly given anti-growth hormones.
(Camera switches to Homer)
Homer: That's impossible! How would I have gotten all four necessary drops into her cereal?
(Long pause)
Homer: What?
Marge: Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry onscreen.
Homer: Every day I thought about firing Marge?you know, just to shake things up.
Marge: I learned something; when people reach for their diaphragms, they don't want to see my picture.
Homer: It was the best Thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist!
Behind The Laughter
Homer: I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.
Homer: Then came the rocks -- jagged rocks, hitting me with their jags.
Lisa: To prolong the run of the series, I was secretly given anti-growth hormones.
(Camera switches to Homer)
Homer: That's impossible! How would I have gotten all four necessary drops into her cereal?
(Long pause)
Homer: What?
Marge: Okay, the material was a little corny, but Homer and I had real chemistry onscreen.
Homer: Every day I thought about firing Marge?you know, just to shake things up.
Marge: I learned something; when people reach for their diaphragms, they don't want to see my picture.
Homer: It was the best Thanksgiving ever. I mean, emotionally, it was terrible, but the turkey was so moist!
dragon chica
New member
Some more great quotes....
On going to church...
Marge: Homer,the Lord only asks for one hour a week...
Homer: In that case,He should've made the week an hour longer...Lousy God!!!..
(this exchange tends to go through my head whenever I have to get up early for church
)
*****
Another religion quote by Homer...
"Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way?...By praying like hell on my deathbed!!!"
****
from Homer the Heretic (Homer decides to skip church)
Bart: Hey,where's Homer?
Marge: Your father's....resting...
Bart: "Resting", hung over?,"resting",got fired?...Help me out here...
(I love that Bart's well aware of Homer's faults)...
On going to church...
Marge: Homer,the Lord only asks for one hour a week...
Homer: In that case,He should've made the week an hour longer...Lousy God!!!..
(this exchange tends to go through my head whenever I have to get up early for church
)*****
Another religion quote by Homer...
"Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way?...By praying like hell on my deathbed!!!"
****
from Homer the Heretic (Homer decides to skip church)
Bart: Hey,where's Homer?
Marge: Your father's....resting...
Bart: "Resting", hung over?,"resting",got fired?...Help me out here...
(I love that Bart's well aware of Homer's faults)...
Gabriela L
New member
I loved it when Homer made that hilarious pun about "police chewtality"! Oh, and remember that episode where everyone was saying "lega-he" and "lega-she"? Man, I just love those quotes.
Oh wait. No I don't.
Here's a classic:
Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: (pause) I don't know.
Oh wait. No I don't.
Here's a classic:
Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: (pause) I don't know.
marie-louise
New member
I could fill up this thread with "Homer and Apu" quotes, but this one definitely beats all. Taken from SNPP.com:
Homer: Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
Apu: Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet?
Homer: Bee? Aah! [stomps on hat, runs out]
Kent: Homer, that hat's been with the station twenty years! He had one day left till retirement.
But the camera inside the hat still works. It is pointed at Apu.
Apu: Well, time to replenish the hot dog roller. La, la -- oops [drops a hot dog] Oh, no -- it is encrusted with filth. [blows it off] Oh well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between me and you...smashed hat. Hee hee --
Kent: Hot diggety-dog, we've got him, Mr. Simpson. Now let's -- Mr. Simpson?
Homer: One hot dog, please.
Homer: Don't be alarmed, Apu. Just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
Apu: Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet?
Homer: Bee? Aah! [stomps on hat, runs out]
Kent: Homer, that hat's been with the station twenty years! He had one day left till retirement.
But the camera inside the hat still works. It is pointed at Apu.
Apu: Well, time to replenish the hot dog roller. La, la -- oops [drops a hot dog] Oh, no -- it is encrusted with filth. [blows it off] Oh well, let's sell it anyway. Now this is just between me and you...smashed hat. Hee hee --
Kent: Hot diggety-dog, we've got him, Mr. Simpson. Now let's -- Mr. Simpson?
Homer: One hot dog, please.
fancy_muskrat
New member
"STOP! STOOoooOOP! HE'S ALREADY DEAD!"
I think that's the best and funniest quote in the entire history of the Simpsons.
Homer beating a childhood icon to near death purely because of his own ignorance of the border between the real world and commercials. That and the reactions of the children and the guy next him ("It's just an act!") never fail to make me lose it.
I think that's the best and funniest quote in the entire history of the Simpsons.
Homer beating a childhood icon to near death purely because of his own ignorance of the border between the real world and commercials. That and the reactions of the children and the guy next him ("It's just an act!") never fail to make me lose it.
From Radioactive Man:
"Qviet! Maybe I can get my citizenship."
^ Good unexpected gag. And I find it funny how Bart didn't realize it wasn't Milhouse even though he probably saw him walking into the classroom.
From This Little Wiggy:
"Greetings, Earth children."
"Where are you from?"
"......Earth."
From Simpson Tide:
"I'm a man of few words. (pause) Any questions?"
"Uh, is the poop deck really what I think it is?"
"(laughs) I like the cut of your jib."
"What's a jib?"
"(laughs) Promote that man!"
From Moe n'a Lisa:
"That's sweet. I HATE sweet! I need photos! Photos of Spider-Man!"
^ J. Jonah Jameson is one of the highlights in this otherwise dull episode.
From Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield:
"That's the trouble with first impressions. You only get to make one."
"Bells? Where exactly will you be attaching them to that mangled Chanel suit?"
"I thought that perhaps changing suits had gone out of fashion. Eh, Marge?"
^ What a word that rhymes with witch. But that exaggerated jerk quality is what makes her funny.
From Bart Carny:
"Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys. But, I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: And how!
Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little uh, understanding here.
Homer: I understand.
Bart: ....Um, hey dad, I.. I.. think he wants..
Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any bills around here?
Homer: No. (pause) He's Bart.
Wiggum: Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe. Wink, wink.
Homer: .......It's a Ring Toss game!
Wiggum: All right, that's it, I'm shutting this game down."
^ One of the funniest exchanges. Homer is so clueless.
From Little Big Mom:
"You hit her pretty hard there, Rick."
^ Ah, spousal abuse. Not usually funny, but put in the context of I Love Lucy, when Ricky is always yelling at Lucy yet never actually hits her on the show, it's gold.
From The Joy of Sect:
"Homer Simpson, your family will be housed here for the first 100,000 years. Then something might open in a double."
"Ha! Why even unpack?"
From Bart After Dark:
"I've got rocks that need washing at home."
^ Not a line that gets a lot of love, but now it gets some props.
From Lisa the Vegetarian:
"They can't seriously expect us to swallow that tripe!"
"Now as a special treat courtesy of our friends at the Meat Council, please help yourself to this tripe."
From Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey:
"Ow! Damn sandwich took a bite out of me!"
From Kill the Alligator and Run:
"Here's your mail, dad. That'll be $3 for on-couch delivery."
"And three makes three."
"This money's from the Montana Militia. It isn't real.
"It'll be real soon enough.
"
From Take My Wife, Sleaze:
"Ey, remember the Fifties? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark?"
"(gasps) I remember television!"
^ LOL. How can you remember television when you're watching the commercial on it? And all of those things are still around.
From A Fish Called Selma:
"Cigarette, Mrs. McClure?"
"You bet! From now on, she's smoking for two!"
^ What exemplary parenting.
From Burns' Heir:
"I specifically said, no geeks!"
"But my mom says I'm cool..."
Oh man, so many good quotes. Somebody stop me. :sweat:
"Qviet! Maybe I can get my citizenship."
^ Good unexpected gag. And I find it funny how Bart didn't realize it wasn't Milhouse even though he probably saw him walking into the classroom.
From This Little Wiggy:
"Greetings, Earth children."
"Where are you from?"
"......Earth."
From Simpson Tide:
"I'm a man of few words. (pause) Any questions?"
"Uh, is the poop deck really what I think it is?"
"(laughs) I like the cut of your jib."
"What's a jib?"
"(laughs) Promote that man!"
From Moe n'a Lisa:
"That's sweet. I HATE sweet! I need photos! Photos of Spider-Man!"
^ J. Jonah Jameson is one of the highlights in this otherwise dull episode.
From Scenes From the Class Struggle in Springfield:
"That's the trouble with first impressions. You only get to make one."
"Bells? Where exactly will you be attaching them to that mangled Chanel suit?"
"I thought that perhaps changing suits had gone out of fashion. Eh, Marge?"
^ What a word that rhymes with witch. But that exaggerated jerk quality is what makes her funny.
From Bart Carny:
"Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun, boys. But, I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
Homer: And how!
Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little uh, understanding here.
Homer: I understand.
Bart: ....Um, hey dad, I.. I.. think he wants..
Homer: Not now, son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.
Wiggum: Let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend, Bill. Have you seen any bills around here?
Homer: No. (pause) He's Bart.
Wiggum: Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
Homer: Okay.
Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe. Wink, wink.
Homer: .......It's a Ring Toss game!
Wiggum: All right, that's it, I'm shutting this game down."
^ One of the funniest exchanges. Homer is so clueless.
From Little Big Mom:
"You hit her pretty hard there, Rick."
^ Ah, spousal abuse. Not usually funny, but put in the context of I Love Lucy, when Ricky is always yelling at Lucy yet never actually hits her on the show, it's gold.
From The Joy of Sect:
"Homer Simpson, your family will be housed here for the first 100,000 years. Then something might open in a double."
"Ha! Why even unpack?"
From Bart After Dark:
"I've got rocks that need washing at home."
^ Not a line that gets a lot of love, but now it gets some props.
From Lisa the Vegetarian:
"They can't seriously expect us to swallow that tripe!"
"Now as a special treat courtesy of our friends at the Meat Council, please help yourself to this tripe."
From Lisa vs. Malibu Stacey:
"Ow! Damn sandwich took a bite out of me!"
From Kill the Alligator and Run:
"Here's your mail, dad. That'll be $3 for on-couch delivery."
"And three makes three."
"This money's from the Montana Militia. It isn't real.
"It'll be real soon enough.
"From Take My Wife, Sleaze:
"Ey, remember the Fifties? Remember television, Coca-Cola, and Dick Clark?"
"(gasps) I remember television!"
^ LOL. How can you remember television when you're watching the commercial on it? And all of those things are still around.
From A Fish Called Selma:
"Cigarette, Mrs. McClure?"
"You bet! From now on, she's smoking for two!"
^ What exemplary parenting.
From Burns' Heir:
"I specifically said, no geeks!"
"But my mom says I'm cool..."
Oh man, so many good quotes. Somebody stop me. :sweat:
Randomgirl xx
New member
That's kind of my catch all line for situations like that.
"What a time to be alive..."
I'm not sure if this was posted, but it's so freaking RANDOM, I can't resist posting it:
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin... but what good does *that* do me?
^Wow, Homer. WOW.
"What a time to be alive..."
I'm not sure if this was posted, but it's so freaking RANDOM, I can't resist posting it:
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin... but what good does *that* do me?
^Wow, Homer. WOW.
Mister Dream Master
New member
if some of these have already been done then i apologize in advance.
Bart Star
Marge: He's going to need, uh... you know, protection.
Guy: Sure... one helmet coming up.
Marge: I was thinking more of... protection... down there (points down).
Guy: Oh, why didn't you say so? Knee pads. You got it.
Marge: (very nervous laugh) I'm talking about his [muffling] personal area.
Guy: Ah ha. Say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulder pads.
Marge: Look... I wanna cup.
Guy: Cup? Could you spell that?
Marge: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... oh my God!
Little Big Mom
Homer: Hmmm, The Widowmaker? Oh, that one's for the ladies.
"Spinebuster?" Boring! Ooh, "Colostomizer."
Instructor: If you get in trouble, all you need to do is --
[the image of Flanders pushes aside the instructor]
Ned: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all ... nothing at all ... nothing at all.
Homer: Oh, stupid sexy Flanders.
Homer: Ow, my leg! This is the worst pain ever!
[Homer gets repeatedly hit in the crotch by snow mounds]
[Lisa sends Bart off to school and Homer off to work.]
Lisa: Here are your lunches. And no trading them for fireworks!
Homer: Aww, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets!
Lisa: You stay away from Lenny!
Lisa: Would you guys turn that down!
Homer: Sweetie, if we didn't turn it down for the cops, what chance do you have?
Homer: Leprosy? I can't believe it. That fortune cookie was right!
Bart: Why would God punish a kid? I mean, an American kid?
Bart Star
Marge: He's going to need, uh... you know, protection.
Guy: Sure... one helmet coming up.
Marge: I was thinking more of... protection... down there (points down).
Guy: Oh, why didn't you say so? Knee pads. You got it.
Marge: (very nervous laugh) I'm talking about his [muffling] personal area.
Guy: Ah ha. Say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulder pads.
Marge: Look... I wanna cup.
Guy: Cup? Could you spell that?
Marge: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... oh my God!
Little Big Mom
Homer: Hmmm, The Widowmaker? Oh, that one's for the ladies.
"Spinebuster?" Boring! Ooh, "Colostomizer."
Instructor: If you get in trouble, all you need to do is --
[the image of Flanders pushes aside the instructor]
Ned: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all ... nothing at all ... nothing at all.
Homer: Oh, stupid sexy Flanders.
Homer: Ow, my leg! This is the worst pain ever!
[Homer gets repeatedly hit in the crotch by snow mounds]
[Lisa sends Bart off to school and Homer off to work.]
Lisa: Here are your lunches. And no trading them for fireworks!
Homer: Aww, but Lenny just got some bottle rockets!
Lisa: You stay away from Lenny!
Lisa: Would you guys turn that down!
Homer: Sweetie, if we didn't turn it down for the cops, what chance do you have?
Homer: Leprosy? I can't believe it. That fortune cookie was right!
Bart: Why would God punish a kid? I mean, an American kid?
Ladyblue17
New member
Lenny and Carl quote time!
From Homer Loves Flanders:
Lenny: Hey, Homer's got one of those new robot cars! (it crashes off-screen)
Carl: One of those AMERICAN robot cars.
From Treehouse of Horror XIII:
"Anything for Homers!"
From A Fish Called Selma:
Lenny: Maybe those rumors about his fish fetish weren't true after all.
Carl: Ah, this changes everything; I'd pay to see him in a movie now. If only that were possible.
^ Kind of an underrated line.
From Mountain of Madness:
Lenny: Hey, did you hear something?
Carl: No.
Lenny: Hmm. Did I?
Carl: (annoyed) I don't know.
From Behind the Laughter:
Lenny: He [Bart] paid me and Carl $1,000 to kiss each other!
Carl: ...Hey, did we ever get that money?
From They Saved Lisa's Brain:
Skinner: Excuse me gentlemen, may I have a peek at your gazebo reservation form?
Lenny: Beat it.
Skinner: (chuckles) We both make a strong case.
Carl: What part of "beat it" didn't you understand?
Skinner: Uh, I guess it would be the "it"; I'm not sure to what that refers.
From We're on the Way to D'ohwhere:
"Sorry, can't talk, Homer. I'm too satisfied in every way!"
From I'm Goin' to Praiseland:
"Any religion that espouses carob isn't for Carl Carlson."
From E-I-E-I-D'oh:
Carl: Hey, Lenny, sendin' some outgoing mail?
Lenny: You know it!
Carl: I'll probably send some tomorrow.
Lenny: I hear that! (feign smiles for a couple more seconds and then awkwardly walk away from each other)
^ The ultimate in forced office enthusiasm.
From The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show:
"Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer. You, uh... got a beautiful home here."
From Springfield Up:
Declar Desmond: Oh, Lenny. Did you ever try that new shampoo?
Lenny: (cheerfully) Nope! Never did! (awkward silence) Wanna watch me pay my cable bill? I have checks with butterflies on 'em! (Declar glares at him; Lenny gets the hint and leaves) I -am- interesting!
Declar Desmond: No, you're not.
From Natural Born Kissers:
Carl: How do you do, ma'am?
Lenny: Hope this evening finds you well.
Marge: Oh, knock it off, you perverts.
From Homer Simpson, This is Your Wife:
"Ain't no party like a Lenny party, 'cause a Lenny party don't stop! (looks at watch) Hey, I've got work tomorrow. I better go."
From C.E.D'oh!:
Lenny: -I- say, "Phantom Menace" sucked more!
Carl: -I- say, "Attack of the Clones" sucked more!
From Homer Loves Flanders:
Lenny: Hey, Homer's got one of those new robot cars! (it crashes off-screen)
Carl: One of those AMERICAN robot cars.
From Treehouse of Horror XIII:
"Anything for Homers!"
From A Fish Called Selma:
Lenny: Maybe those rumors about his fish fetish weren't true after all.
Carl: Ah, this changes everything; I'd pay to see him in a movie now. If only that were possible.
^ Kind of an underrated line.
From Mountain of Madness:
Lenny: Hey, did you hear something?
Carl: No.
Lenny: Hmm. Did I?
Carl: (annoyed) I don't know.
From Behind the Laughter:
Lenny: He [Bart] paid me and Carl $1,000 to kiss each other!
Carl: ...Hey, did we ever get that money?
From They Saved Lisa's Brain:
Skinner: Excuse me gentlemen, may I have a peek at your gazebo reservation form?
Lenny: Beat it.
Skinner: (chuckles) We both make a strong case.
Carl: What part of "beat it" didn't you understand?
Skinner: Uh, I guess it would be the "it"; I'm not sure to what that refers.
From We're on the Way to D'ohwhere:
"Sorry, can't talk, Homer. I'm too satisfied in every way!"
From I'm Goin' to Praiseland:
"Any religion that espouses carob isn't for Carl Carlson."
From E-I-E-I-D'oh:
Carl: Hey, Lenny, sendin' some outgoing mail?
Lenny: You know it!
Carl: I'll probably send some tomorrow.
Lenny: I hear that! (feign smiles for a couple more seconds and then awkwardly walk away from each other)
^ The ultimate in forced office enthusiasm.
From The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show:
"Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer. You, uh... got a beautiful home here."
From Springfield Up:
Declar Desmond: Oh, Lenny. Did you ever try that new shampoo?
Lenny: (cheerfully) Nope! Never did! (awkward silence) Wanna watch me pay my cable bill? I have checks with butterflies on 'em! (Declar glares at him; Lenny gets the hint and leaves) I -am- interesting!
Declar Desmond: No, you're not.
From Natural Born Kissers:
Carl: How do you do, ma'am?
Lenny: Hope this evening finds you well.
Marge: Oh, knock it off, you perverts.
From Homer Simpson, This is Your Wife:
"Ain't no party like a Lenny party, 'cause a Lenny party don't stop! (looks at watch) Hey, I've got work tomorrow. I better go."
From C.E.D'oh!:
Lenny: -I- say, "Phantom Menace" sucked more!
Carl: -I- say, "Attack of the Clones" sucked more!
Compassion4Fashion
New member
I love the "every thing's turning up Milhouse" line when it floods, but his pants are already too short.
chris_6212
New member
Leonard Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp 5.
[crowd laughs]
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May The Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
^... Quimby really has absolutely no clue, does he?
*At the town hall meeting over spending the town's newly acquired money*
Apu: I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work.
Wiggum: [to himself] Cry-baby.
^Yes, how selfish.
Marge: I still think we ought to spend the money to fix Main Street.
Homer: Well, you should've written a song like that guy.
^Ultimate logic!
Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
Bart: Yeah, but at least we're going to take a lot of innocent people with us.
^Well, at least he's got a positive outlook.
[crowd laughs]
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May The Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
^... Quimby really has absolutely no clue, does he?
*At the town hall meeting over spending the town's newly acquired money*
Apu: I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work.
Wiggum: [to himself] Cry-baby.
^Yes, how selfish.
Marge: I still think we ought to spend the money to fix Main Street.
Homer: Well, you should've written a song like that guy.
^Ultimate logic!
Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
Bart: Yeah, but at least we're going to take a lot of innocent people with us.
^Well, at least he's got a positive outlook.
I apologize if someone mentioned either of these. I looked and didn't see either of these:
Homer:"I don't know Marge, trying is the first step towards failure."
Guy selling some weird Russian food on the streets of New York:
"We have Mountain Dew and crabjuice."
Home:"Ew, yuck! I'll take a crabjuice."
Homer:"I don't know Marge, trying is the first step towards failure."
Guy selling some weird Russian food on the streets of New York:
"We have Mountain Dew and crabjuice."
Home:"Ew, yuck! I'll take a crabjuice."
Stacy Lavelle: Ah Not Today I'm too drunk
Lisa: No you're not
Stacy Lavelle: Takes a drink *has drunk look on her face*
Lisa: Make sure you get my mom's hair just right!
Stacy Lavelle: Um, I think we'll use someone different for the hair.
Lisa: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Um, there's something not quite…
Bart: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Uh…
Homer: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: You all have hideous hair!
*Gasp* I mean, from a design point of view.
(Why were they so surprised?)
Daddy: Goodbye, Margie. Be a good girl, now. [gets on plane]
Marge: Why does Daddy have to leave?
Mommy: Because he's a pilot. He flies all over the world.
Marge: I want to see Daddy fly. [runs up plane steps]
Mommy: Margie! No, come back!
[Marge gets inside, looks around]
Marge: Daddy? Daddy, where are --
Daddy: [a steward] So, who wants pre-flight cookie? Fig Newtons?
Hydrox?
Marge: Daddy? Aah!
Daddy: Don't look at me. Don't look at me!
Lisa: No you're not
Stacy Lavelle: Takes a drink *has drunk look on her face*
Lisa: Make sure you get my mom's hair just right!
Stacy Lavelle: Um, I think we'll use someone different for the hair.
Lisa: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Um, there's something not quite…
Bart: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: Uh…
Homer: How about me?
Stacy Lavelle: You all have hideous hair!
*Gasp* I mean, from a design point of view.
(Why were they so surprised?)
Daddy: Goodbye, Margie. Be a good girl, now. [gets on plane]
Marge: Why does Daddy have to leave?
Mommy: Because he's a pilot. He flies all over the world.
Marge: I want to see Daddy fly. [runs up plane steps]
Mommy: Margie! No, come back!
[Marge gets inside, looks around]
Marge: Daddy? Daddy, where are --
Daddy: [a steward] So, who wants pre-flight cookie? Fig Newtons?
Hydrox?
Marge: Daddy? Aah!
Daddy: Don't look at me. Don't look at me!
What episode was that from again?
Anyway, more faves from the endless well:
Girls Just Want to Have Sums:
Marge: All this hoo-haw about girls and math is silly. Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented liquid paper.
Homer: Well, do you know what a man invented? ACTUAL paper.
Marge: Well, a woman also invented the windshield wiper.
Homer: Which goes great with another male invention: The car. (high-fives Bart)
Marge: I think a woman came up with nylon stockings. I mean, probably. We certainly use them.
Homer: Let's see, men also have rocket ships, suspension bridges, constitutional government, snow shoes, brass knuckles...
Marge: (groans in annoyance)
Homer: ...pinball machines, the renaissance... (cuts to later; Homer is sleeping on the couch) Ohhh, why did women invent sleeping on the couch?
^ Love how far Homer goes to prove his point that he thinks men are better. "The Renaissance" in particular.
Boy Scoutz N the Hood:
Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. (Marge leaves) Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: (from outside the room) Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in!
Anyway, more faves from the endless well:
Girls Just Want to Have Sums:
Marge: All this hoo-haw about girls and math is silly. Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented liquid paper.
Homer: Well, do you know what a man invented? ACTUAL paper.
Marge: Well, a woman also invented the windshield wiper.
Homer: Which goes great with another male invention: The car. (high-fives Bart)
Marge: I think a woman came up with nylon stockings. I mean, probably. We certainly use them.
Homer: Let's see, men also have rocket ships, suspension bridges, constitutional government, snow shoes, brass knuckles...
Marge: (groans in annoyance)
Homer: ...pinball machines, the renaissance... (cuts to later; Homer is sleeping on the couch) Ohhh, why did women invent sleeping on the couch?
^ Love how far Homer goes to prove his point that he thinks men are better. "The Renaissance" in particular.
Boy Scoutz N the Hood:
Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. (Marge leaves) Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: (from outside the room) Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in!