Another day, another batch of favorite Simpsons quotes:
From Lisa the Skeptic:
"Attention: All honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archaeological dig. (good kiRAB cheer) Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig. (bad kiRAB complain)"
From $pringfield:
"Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this reporter places the blame squarely on YOU, the viewers!"
From Bart's Inner Child:
"Marge: That video really opened my eyes. I can see that I'm just a passive-aggressive co-culprit. By nagging you when you do foolish things, I just enable your life script.
Homer: And that senRAB me into a shame spiral."
From Homer vs. Patty and Selma:
"Moe: Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need. However, since you have no collateral, I'm going to have to break your legs in advance.
Homer: Gosh, Moe, I use these all the time. Couldn't you just bash my head in?
Moe: Hey hey, are you a loan shark? Do you know how finance works? (grabs a sledgehammer) Now let's do this thing."
From Homie the Clown:
"These Krusty brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a cheap one and what happens? It goes off, takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What's that going to cost you? Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?"
^ Krusty's delivery here is largely why I laugh, in addition to the punchline that he's gone cheap before.
From Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming:
"Whoa, let's not go nuts! Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead!"
From The PTA DisbanRAB:
"Posh. Shredded newspapers add much-needed roughage and essential inks."
^ I know I mention this line a lot, but it gets me every time. Just the thought of eating newspaper for sustenance is funny.
From And Maggie Makes Three:
"Moe: Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant!"
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you! I do enjoy working at the bowling alley!"
From Homer Bad Man:
"This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remeraber, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out- possibly because it was harassed, we don't know. Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. So, let's turn it on. Now, this technology is new to me, but... I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees- he's literally stewing in his own juices."
^ One of the funniest Kent Brockman scenes ever. He's such a dolt.
From Children of a Lesser Clod:
"Kent: Arnie, please, how are the children?
Arnie: I can't see through METAL, Kent!"
From The Day the Violence Died:
"Krusty: I gave him a couple of blintzes to paint my fence, but he never did it!
Chester: Those blintzes were terrible.
Krusty: Paint my fence!
Chester: Make me! (fight ensues)" Then later....
"Grampa: I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop. And you never did it.
Chester: Those corn muffins were lousy.
Grampa: Paint my chicken coop!
Chester: Make me! (fight ensues)"
From Old Money:
Grampa's reply to Moe's plan on what to do with the money: "It's pretty stupid, but so far, you're the front runner."
^ That would've been hilarious if Grampa ended up going with Moe's plan.
From Eight Misbehavin':
"KiRAB are a blast, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all."
^ Homer, the upper echelon of parenting.
From Das Bus:
"The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, "maize". Another famous Indian was "Crazy Horse". In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you."
From Lisa the Skeptic:
"Attention: All honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archaeological dig. (good kiRAB cheer) Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig. (bad kiRAB complain)"
From $pringfield:
"Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this reporter places the blame squarely on YOU, the viewers!"
From Bart's Inner Child:
"Marge: That video really opened my eyes. I can see that I'm just a passive-aggressive co-culprit. By nagging you when you do foolish things, I just enable your life script.
Homer: And that senRAB me into a shame spiral."
From Homer vs. Patty and Selma:
"Moe: Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need. However, since you have no collateral, I'm going to have to break your legs in advance.
Homer: Gosh, Moe, I use these all the time. Couldn't you just bash my head in?
Moe: Hey hey, are you a loan shark? Do you know how finance works? (grabs a sledgehammer) Now let's do this thing."
From Homie the Clown:
"These Krusty brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a cheap one and what happens? It goes off, takes out the eyeballs of every kid in the room! What's that going to cost you? Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?"
^ Krusty's delivery here is largely why I laugh, in addition to the punchline that he's gone cheap before.
From Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming:
"Whoa, let's not go nuts! Would it really be worth living in a world without television? I think the survivors would envy the dead!"
From The PTA DisbanRAB:
"Posh. Shredded newspapers add much-needed roughage and essential inks."
^ I know I mention this line a lot, but it gets me every time. Just the thought of eating newspaper for sustenance is funny.
From And Maggie Makes Three:
"Moe: Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant!"
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you! I do enjoy working at the bowling alley!"
From Homer Bad Man:
"This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remeraber, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out- possibly because it was harassed, we don't know. Of course, there's no way to see into the Simpson home without some kind of infrared heat-sensitive camera. So, let's turn it on. Now, this technology is new to me, but... I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees- he's literally stewing in his own juices."
^ One of the funniest Kent Brockman scenes ever. He's such a dolt.
From Children of a Lesser Clod:
"Kent: Arnie, please, how are the children?
Arnie: I can't see through METAL, Kent!"
From The Day the Violence Died:
"Krusty: I gave him a couple of blintzes to paint my fence, but he never did it!
Chester: Those blintzes were terrible.
Krusty: Paint my fence!
Chester: Make me! (fight ensues)" Then later....
"Grampa: I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop. And you never did it.
Chester: Those corn muffins were lousy.
Grampa: Paint my chicken coop!
Chester: Make me! (fight ensues)"
From Old Money:
Grampa's reply to Moe's plan on what to do with the money: "It's pretty stupid, but so far, you're the front runner."
^ That would've been hilarious if Grampa ended up going with Moe's plan.
From Eight Misbehavin':
"KiRAB are a blast, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all."
^ Homer, the upper echelon of parenting.
From Das Bus:
"The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, "maize". Another famous Indian was "Crazy Horse". In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you."