Great "Simpsons" Quotes

This transpired when Bart suggests they do another film about their lives after Lisa did one:

Marge: "No more Simpsons movies! One is enough!"

Bart: Tough break, Dad. I guess people just weren't ready for Poochie. Maybe in a few years.

Notice it's been a few years and STILL no Poochie.

Homer: Well, we didn't get any money, but Mr. Burns got what he wanted. Marge, I'm confused. Is this a happy ending or a sad ending?
Marge: It's an ending, that's enough.

Bart: I wanna go too!
Homer: No way. If something happens to me, you have to carry on the Simpson name.
Bart: Screw that, when I grow up I'm legally changing my name to Joe Kickass.
Homer: That is so cool. Okay you can come.

The irony in this is that he's never, ever going to grow up.
 
Figure i'll add some random (but funny) willie quotes.

"The Simpsons: Marge Gets a Job (#4.7)" (1992)

GrounRABkeeper Willie: [a wolf is attacking Bart] Hey, Wolfie! Put down that hors d'oeurve, it's time fer tha main course!

[Willie shares a flask of Scotch with the whipped wolf]
GrounRABkeeper Willie: Ah, don't feel too bad. I was wrestling wolves when you were still suckling at your mother's teat.

"The Simpsons: The Color Yellow (#21.13)" (2010)

Bart Simpson: [after blowing up a tree stump] Wait, here comes the mykia.
GrounRABkeeper Willie: What's a mykia?
[the stump falls on Skinner's car]
Principal Skinner: My Kia!

GrounRABkeeper Willie, to Nelson:
"And that's how Willie waters. Now, you take the hoose"
Nelson:"The Moose?"
GrounRABkeeper Willie:"The hoose! The hoose!"
Nelson:"Is this right?" *he sprays Willie*
Groundkeeper Willie:"Ach! Turn off the noozle!"
Nelson:"Noodle? What noodle?"
GrounRABkeeper Willie:"The noozle at the end of the hoose!"
 
Great "Simpsons" Quotes

^ I can't believe you didn't mention the funniest line in the episode:

"Good luck, kiRAB. (to stagehand) WHERE THE HELL'S MY GRILLED CHEESE?!"

Just the fact that Brockman gets that riled up over a grilled cheese sandwich, and that he yells this right in front of the kiRAB, is hilarious.

Anyway, more faves:

From Homer Bad Man:

"So, you don't like them old time bikes, eh?" (kicks Homer)

From Girls Just Want to Have Sums:

"Lisa: (as Jake) Did you know a girl named Lisa Simpson?
Milhouse: Lisa? Oh yeah, we totally had a thing, but I had to break it off.
Lisa: (as Jake, slipping into Lisa) What the HELL are you talking about?!
Milhouse: She got too clingy. Milhouse doesn't do clingy."

^ It's rare to see Milhouse in this form, even if he's completely full of it.

From Lisa the Iconoclast:

"Can you open my milk, mommy?"
"I'm not mommy, Ralph. I'm Miss Hoover."

From The Wife Aquatic:

"Fisherman: We brought them in by the boatload day and night. Then one day, they were gone.
Lisa: Maybe you just over fished them.
Fisherman: Maybe they under-spawn.
Lisa: Maybe you killed them all!
Fisherman: Maybe the fish killed themselves!
Lisa: Maybe you should be ashamed of yourself!
Fisherman: Maybe YOU should marry Milhouse! (Lisa gasps) Yeah, that's right, I know about Milhouse!"

From Pranksta Rap:

"If you say anything, I'll tell everyone you wet your pants during Harry Potter."
"I WASN'T scared! I was just peeing!"

^ And an "incontinence problem" is any better to admit?

From Lisa's Rival:
"Lisa, stop blowing my sex- I mean, stop blowing your sax! Your sax. Stop it."

^ Wow, that's a... surprisingly adult line there. I'm surprised they got away with it.

From Last Exit to Springfield:

"We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
"Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"
"And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."
"Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?"
"I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?"
"My God! He IS coming onto me!"
"After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows." (Homer screams in his mind)

From Bart's Inner Child:

"If elected mayor, my first order of business would be to kill the whole lot of ya and burn yer town to cinders! (guy whispers into his ear about the mic) I know it's on!"

^ Willie's delivery makes this funny. Funnily enough, the "kill the whole lot of ya" bit was used in a Willie Quake 3 mod. So appropriate.

From They Saved Lisa's Brain:

"Not only are the trains now running on time, they
 
$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Garabling)

Homer: Hello, Florida! (Homer puts an orange on Lisa's costume, which falls off)

Lisa:I'm not a state, I'm a monster!

Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the garabling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Garablor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws! (Runs off)

That's always been one of my favorites.
 
From Bart's Girlfriend

Bart: I'm a soul man
Marge: I Don't want you playing something with such bizarre hair! *Looks at Doll* Awful awful hair.

^ And yours is so great?

another from that episode.

Bart: Gimme a minute
Jessica: *Smacks lips*

^Loved that part
 
From Guess Who's Coming to Criricize Dinner?

Editor: "Some of your fellow critics wanted to meet you. This is
Garth Tralawney, TV critic."
Homer: "Why you, you made them cancel 'Platypus Man!'"
*grabs Garth's lapels ans shakes him*
Editor: "Homer! This is our theatre critic, Daphne Beaumont."
*Homer turns back to Garth and shakes him again*
Homer: "And the 'Cosby Mysteries!' That show had limitless
possibilities!"

From Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song

Chalmers: "Thank the Lor -- thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer.
A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls,
just like facts have no place withinorganized religion.
Simpson, you get your wish: Flanders is history!"
Flanders: "Well, I really enjoyed my time here, Superintendent. May the
Lord bless and keep you."
Chalmers: "Yeah, take it outside, God-boy."
"
 
"Sorry, I'm not allowed to divulge information about that customer's secret illegal account. ... Oh crap, I shouldn't have said it was a customer. Oh crap! I shouldn't have said it was a secret. Oh crap! I certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal! ... Oh, it's too hot today. "
 
Brush With Greatness

Burns: Somebody up there likes me, Smithers.
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too, sir.
Burns: Shut. Up!

Treehouse of Horror VI

Marge: These monsters are destroying everything and everyone we care for! (to Bart and Lisa) And you kiRAB should have jackets on.

Homer the Great

Pluraber: Looks like you got a leak.
Marge: Could you start fixing it pretty soon? The basement is getting awfully flooded. And I think the cat's down there.
Pluraber: Yeah, I probably won't be able to get the parts I need for two, three weeks and that's if I order them today, which I won't.

Gone Maggie Gone

(after Kent Brockman unsuccessfully tries to put together a viewing box for a solar eclipse live on the air)
Kent Brockman: Forget it! We'll do it next week!
Stage hand: The eclipse is today.
Kent Brockman: There's an eclipse when I SAY there's an eclipse!!! (storms off the set)

The PTA DisbanRAB

Moe: When I call your name, say "present", or "here". No, say "present". Anita Bath? (classroom laughs) All right, settle down. Anita Bath here? (classroom laughs) Maya Buttreeks? (classroom laughs) Hey hey what are you laughing at? What? Ohhhhh, I get it, I get it. (beat) It's my big ears, isn't it, kiRAB? ISN'T IT? Well children, I. Can't. Help that. (runs out crying)

Secrets of a Successful Marriage

(after Homer agrees to tell juicy gossip about another couple)
Homer: Now the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire when her husband nibbles on her elbow.
Krabappel: We need names!
Homer: Well... let's just call them Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X says, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson!"

Bart to the Future

Bart: You used to be cool.
Lisa: No I wasn't!

Lisa's Date With Density

"You kissed a girl! That is SO gay!"

Fear of Flying

Alan: I'm Alan, I'm your co-pilot.
Homer: Uh yeah, uh... as a change of pace, I'm gonna let you do most of the work. I think you're ready for it, Alan.
 
This is when Bart is trying to come up with a character of his own:

Marge: I like Little Dot. Could you rip her off? Who's gonna know?
Bart: I would know, Mom.
Marge: That little girl sure loved dots.

She sure did.

Internet Man: Bart, meet the voice of Angry Dad.
Bart: Okay, lets hear it.
Voice Man: Well, I was thinking of something like.. :puts on exact Homer voice: I'm a big fat idiot!
Bart: Wow, I think we have our angry dad!
Voice Man: Woohoo! When do I get paid.
Internet Man: In 2012.
Voice Man: D'oh!

After "Angry Dad" reaRAB an article saying he sucks:

Angry Dad: That's opinion, not news!

Homer: I'm a rage-aholic! I just can't live without rage-ahol!

Homer: Very well, I'm not going to be Angry Dad for one day longer. I'm giving up anger forever.
Marge: If you ask me, you should give up fatty fooRAB!
Homer: I said anger!

Bart: Good idea, you can speak nerd to them!
Milhouse: I'm not a nerd, Bart. NerRAB are smart.

Homer: Who knew that anger was saving my life.
Bart: Say it, don't spray it.
Homer: You're trying to make me angry! Thankyou.
Bart: You're not welcome.
Homer: Grr. I love you, boy.
Bart: Haha, you love a boy!
Homer: Stop it, now!
Bart: If you love me so much, why don't you marry me? Haha, that's a good one.
 
Apu: I have come to make amenRAB, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was _I_ who wronged _you_. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're...selling _what_, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.

Another great "Homer says something smart" exchange.
 
Great "Simpsons" Quotes

E Pluribus Wiggum actually has quite a few funny lines in it, even though the plot isn't very strong:

(after Krusty not-so-subtly tries to steal his jokes)
Jon Stewart: I'll try to remeraber you the way you used to be.
Krusty: But I've always been terrible!

(after being asked what they thought about the smear ad)
Lenny: I thought every part was good, but overall I hated it.
Carl: I feel exactly the opposite, but the same.

^ Mixed signals...

Commentator: ...And Ron Lehar, a print journalist from The Washington Post.
Nelson: Haw-haw! Your medium is dying!
Skinner: Nelson!
Nelson: But it IS!
Skinner: There's being right, and there's being nice!

(after Homer tells all the candidates to leave his house)
Homer: You TOO, Fred Thompson.
Fred Thompson: But I was in Die Hard!
Homer: (derisively) Die Hard 2.

Moe: Who wants to abolish democracy forever? Show of hanRAB.
Carl: I could really go for some kind of military thing like, uh, Juan Per
 
Looks like me and ShadowBlinky are the only two responding to this thread anymore. Oh well.

Marge in Chains

Crowd: (chanting) We need a cure! We need a cure!
Hibbert: (laughs) Why, the only cure is bed rest. Anything I give you would be a placebo.
Woman: Where can we get these placebos?!
Man: Maybe there's some in this truck! (crowd riots)

A Star is Burns

Jay: How can you vote for Burns's movie?!
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me..... TO A BIGGER HOUSE! Oops, I said the quiet part loud, and the loud part quiet. Hoho boy...

Deep Space Homer

Controller: Some good news, gentlemen. We have quite a treat for you. We've been able to coax superstar James Taylor in here to Mission Control to wish you well and play you a little bit of his own brand of laid-back adult contemporary music.
Homer: Wow, former president James Taylor.
James Taylor: How ya doin', fellas?
Buzz: With all due respect, Mr. Taylor, this isn't the best time for your unique brand of bittersweet folk rock. We have a potentially critical situation here. I'm sure you'll understand.
James Taylor: Listen, Aldrin, I'm not as laid back as people think. Now here's the deal: I'm going to play, and you're going to float there and like it.

^ Many funny things about this bit: Homer thinking James Taylor is a former president, James's out-of-nowhere aggressive attitude, and the fact that they'd even play music in a critical situation like this.

Bart vs. Australia

Old Hitler: Eine minuten. Eine minuten. Das facken phone ist ein... nuisance phone!
Man: (biking past him) Buenos noches, mein fuehrer!
Old Hitler: Jah, jah.

Bart the Fink

Bob Newhart: Although, you know, though I started my career... several years before Krusty, so I could never really have learned anything... directly from him, still... I think, in a way, in a very meaningful way, that I... all-all of us, have, have learned... from him. And that is by being a clown on television for, for... for so many years. Even though many of us, we didn't watch his show. Uh, t-thank you. (smattering of applause)

^ Worst funeral speech ever.

The Cartridge Family

Prostitute: Lookin' for a good time, sailor?
Bart: I certainly am!
Marge: No you're not! (to prostitute) He's really not.

The Springfield Connection

Lisa: Mom, I know your intentions are good but aren't the police the protective force that maintains the status quo for the wealthy elite? Don't you think we ought to attack the roots of social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?
Marge: ...Look Lisa, it's McGriff, the Crime Dog! (using hand puppet) Hello, Lisa, help me bite crime, woof woof!

The Dad Who Knew Too Little

(after Homer blinRAB Dexter Colt with a laser pointer)
Homer: How ironic: He's blind, after a lifetime of being able to see.

^ How is that ironic again?
 
"Ooh, Poochie is one outrageous dude."
"He's totally in my face!"
"Hey, kiRAB, always recycle... TO THE EXTREME! Bust it!"

"Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?"
"Yes, I certainly do!"
"I have to go now. My planet neeRAB me."

-The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show
 
Great "Simpsons" Quotes

I know. One would think that more people would do so to celebrate the Simpsons' 20th Anniversary or for just plain fun (two reasons I'm still doing it). Like you said, "Oh well". Here's another gem of an exchange:

Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kiRAB?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool
 
Bart: Please mom! My dream is to be a rockstar!
Homer: And my dream is to get rid of Bart! How many lives must you ruin!

Homer: Yvan Eht Nioj! You've gotta love that crazy chorus!
Lisa: What does it mean?
Homer: Eh, it doesn't mean anything. Like ramalama ding dong, or give peace a chance.
 
I've been watching season 20 lately,and thought this exchange between Marge and Bart was funny....

Marge: How did you get a cell phone?

Bart: Same way you got me....By accident,on a golf course...

Funny because it's true...I like when they actually reference the older episodes....
 
Great "Simpsons" Quotes

Homer goes to the sea captain's restaurant for his "all you can eat special." But Homer's stomach appearing to know no bounRAB, the sea captain has him thrown out before he could have all he can eat. So he goes to Lionel Hutz to sue the sea captain.

Hutz: "This is the most fraudulent case of false advertising I
 
My name's Poochie D. / and I rock the telly

I'm half Joe Camel / and a third Fonzerelli

I'm the kung-fu hippie / from gangsta city

I'm a rappin' surfer / you tha fool I pity...!
 
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