Laugh It Off =)
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"To be loved, you have to be nice to people, every day. But to be hated, you don't have to do squat!"
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Great "Simpsons" Quotes
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Hesham Al-Rousan
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I think this is from one of the Bart vs Lisa episodes considering the first quote. It's one of my favorite banters between Skinner and Willie though.
Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like the English and Scots. And Irish and Scots. And Japanese and Scots. And Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots…THEY RUINED SCOTLAND!
Skinner: You Scots sound like quite a rough bunch.
Willie: You just made an enemy for life.
Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like the English and Scots. And Irish and Scots. And Japanese and Scots. And Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots…THEY RUINED SCOTLAND!
Skinner: You Scots sound like quite a rough bunch.
Willie: You just made an enemy for life.
biwestvirginagirl
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It's from the episode where krusty fakes his death
Bart: "Have you seen this man?" (half way blows up Krusty Balloon)
Captain McAllister: " Yar, that be HanRABome Pete. He dances for nickels"
Then Pete comes in playing sailor's horn pipe on the accordian. It kills me every time. Also love when they leave, Pete is holding is hat out for nickels.
Bart: "Have you seen this man?" (half way blows up Krusty Balloon)
Captain McAllister: " Yar, that be HanRABome Pete. He dances for nickels"
Then Pete comes in playing sailor's horn pipe on the accordian. It kills me every time. Also love when they leave, Pete is holding is hat out for nickels.
crazyhorse55
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Chief Wiggum.
thorrnydevil
New member
I like this one from Treehouse of Horror VI:
Homer: "Don't you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?"
Marge: "Sometimes..."
It's just hilarious how she says it.
Homer: "Don't you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?"
Marge: "Sometimes..."
It's just hilarious how she says it.
december.rain
New member
Radioactive Man:
Assistant: What is it now, Quiraby?
Quiraby: Nothing, nothing. Only the, er, city has just passed another tax on puffy directing pants.
Director: But I don't wear puffy pants!
Quiraby: ...I meant a tax on not wearing puffy pants.
Assistant: Oy.
Quiraby: I'm sorry.
^ No you're not.
Assistant: What is it now, Quiraby?
Quiraby: Nothing, nothing. Only the, er, city has just passed another tax on puffy directing pants.
Director: But I don't wear puffy pants!
Quiraby: ...I meant a tax on not wearing puffy pants.
Assistant: Oy.
Quiraby: I'm sorry.
^ No you're not.
I loved it when Homer made that hilarious pun about "police chewtality"! Oh, and remeraber that episode where everyone was saying "lega-he" and "lega-she"? Man, I just love those quotes.
Oh wait. No I don't.
Here's a classic:
Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: (pause) I don't know.
Oh wait. No I don't.
Here's a classic:
Homer: Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: (pause) I don't know.
That's kind of my catch all line for situations like that.
"What a time to be alive..."
I'm not sure if this was posted, but it's so freaking RANDOM, I can't resist posting it:
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirRAB! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin... but what good does *that* do me?
^Wow, Homer. WOW.
"What a time to be alive..."
I'm not sure if this was posted, but it's so freaking RANDOM, I can't resist posting it:
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirRAB! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the colour of his skin... but what good does *that* do me?
^Wow, Homer. WOW.
killer cupcake<3
New member
"I keep telling you ain't no hookers 'round here."
"Uh huh, and where do you keep the hookers?"
"'Round back...woooops."
I love how he was so easily fooled without ever really being tricked. And the way he says woops always gets me.
"Uh huh, and where do you keep the hookers?"
"'Round back...woooops."
I love how he was so easily fooled without ever really being tricked. And the way he says woops always gets me.
Quite the opposite; it's "Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore", the episode where Bart and Lisa become best frienRAB in the absence of Milhouse.
Another quick couple of faves, while I'm here (from Monty Can't Buy Me Love):
"Can't we go home yet? My feet hurt. All this fresh air is making my hair move. And I don't know how much longer I can complain!"
"Good heavens! What kind of radiola show IS this?!"
^ LOL. Who says "radiola" anymore?
Another quick couple of faves, while I'm here (from Monty Can't Buy Me Love):
"Can't we go home yet? My feet hurt. All this fresh air is making my hair move. And I don't know how much longer I can complain!"
"Good heavens! What kind of radiola show IS this?!"
^ LOL. Who says "radiola" anymore?
Camo13ammo
New member
Homer: So I told the nurse, "You can take your free tetanus shot and shove it!"
sublimeshawna
New member
Too bad that tag is always cut in the syndicated version.
Also:
"Saxamaphone! Sax-a-ma-phooooooooooooooooone!"
Also:
"Saxamaphone! Sax-a-ma-phooooooooooooooooone!"
I got one, one that comes from an episode most Simpsons fans dislike wholeheartedly, although I kind of like it.
Homer: "He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life."
I'm almost certain someone here uses that as their sig, but I don't know who.
Also, I took a look back and realized not many people have done any from one of my favorite episodes, Boy Scoutz N The Hood, so I'll do a few:
Homer: "Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut."
Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how."
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for gooRAB and services."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"
Homer: "Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasels."
Mrs. Krababbel:"Guess what class?"
Martin: "It's time for a pop quiz?"
Mrs K.: "Well, that's not what I was going to say, but it sounRAB like a good idea! Ha!"
A few minutes later...
Nelson: "Hey look, it's Sergeant Dork! Ha-ha!"
Bart: "Enjoy your test!"
Nelson: "Ha-H- oh!"
Flanders: "Well, it's Bart Simpson! Come on in, you're just in time for 'Sponge the Old Folks Day'!"
Jasper: "Help yourself. But stay above the equator!"
Homer: "Mmm. floor pie!"
Bart: (to himself)"Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say 'no', and then it'll be his fault."
Homer: (to himself)"I don't want to go, so when he asks me, I'll just say 'yes'."
Homer's brain: "Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?"
Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"
(both Homer and Bart march out of their rooms into the middle of the landing and face each other.)
Bart: (through clenched teeth)"Homer, I'd really like you to come on this trip with me."
Homer: (through clenched teeth)"Bart, I'd be delighted to go on your trip with you."
(slight pause)
Homer and Bart: (in unison)"D'oh!"
Homer: "He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life."
I'm almost certain someone here uses that as their sig, but I don't know who.
Also, I took a look back and realized not many people have done any from one of my favorite episodes, Boy Scoutz N The Hood, so I'll do a few:
Homer: "Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut."
Homer's Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how."
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for gooRAB and services."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"
Homer: "Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasels."
Mrs. Krababbel:"Guess what class?"
Martin: "It's time for a pop quiz?"
Mrs K.: "Well, that's not what I was going to say, but it sounRAB like a good idea! Ha!"
A few minutes later...
Nelson: "Hey look, it's Sergeant Dork! Ha-ha!"
Bart: "Enjoy your test!"
Nelson: "Ha-H- oh!"
Flanders: "Well, it's Bart Simpson! Come on in, you're just in time for 'Sponge the Old Folks Day'!"
Jasper: "Help yourself. But stay above the equator!"
Homer: "Mmm. floor pie!"
Bart: (to himself)"Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say 'no', and then it'll be his fault."
Homer: (to himself)"I don't want to go, so when he asks me, I'll just say 'yes'."
Homer's brain: "Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?"
Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"
(both Homer and Bart march out of their rooms into the middle of the landing and face each other.)
Bart: (through clenched teeth)"Homer, I'd really like you to come on this trip with me."
Homer: (through clenched teeth)"Bart, I'd be delighted to go on your trip with you."
(slight pause)
Homer and Bart: (in unison)"D'oh!"
What episode was that from again?
Anyway, more faves from the endless well:
Girls Just Want to Have Sums:
Marge: All this hoo-haw about girls and math is silly. Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented liquid paper.
Homer: Well, do you know what a man invented? ACTUAL paper.
Marge: Well, a woman also invented the winRABhield wiper.
Homer: Which goes great with another male invention: The car. (high-fives Bart)
Marge: I think a woman came up with nylon stockings. I mean, probably. We certainly use them.
Homer: Let's see, men also have rocket ships, suspension bridges, constitutional government, snow shoes, brass knuckles...
Marge: (groans in annoyance)
Homer: ...pinball machines, the renaissance... (cuts to later; Homer is sleeping on the couch) Ohhh, why did women invent sleeping on the couch?
^ Love how far Homer goes to prove his point that he thinks men are better. "The Renaissance" in particular.
Boy Scoutz N the Hood:
Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. (Marge leaves) Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: (from outside the room) Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in!
Anyway, more faves from the endless well:
Girls Just Want to Have Sums:
Marge: All this hoo-haw about girls and math is silly. Women are as smart as men. Why, a woman invented liquid paper.
Homer: Well, do you know what a man invented? ACTUAL paper.
Marge: Well, a woman also invented the winRABhield wiper.
Homer: Which goes great with another male invention: The car. (high-fives Bart)
Marge: I think a woman came up with nylon stockings. I mean, probably. We certainly use them.
Homer: Let's see, men also have rocket ships, suspension bridges, constitutional government, snow shoes, brass knuckles...
Marge: (groans in annoyance)
Homer: ...pinball machines, the renaissance... (cuts to later; Homer is sleeping on the couch) Ohhh, why did women invent sleeping on the couch?
^ Love how far Homer goes to prove his point that he thinks men are better. "The Renaissance" in particular.
Boy Scoutz N the Hood:
Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. (Marge leaves) Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: (from outside the room) Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in!
enfriendemy
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Homer's drunken thoughts on his family....
"See the thing to remeraber 'bout my family izzat there's FIVE of us....Marge,Bart,....Girl Bart,....The one who doesn't talk,and the fat guy....How I LOATHE him!!!!"
(I love how Homer can only remeraber Marge and Bart by name,calls Lisa "Girl Bart",and how he apparently subconciously hates himself)
*******
Homer finRAB an alien and wants to prove it by videotaping it
Bart: What if we don't find it?
Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox Network
Bart: Yeah,they'll buy ANYTHING!!!
Homer(suddenly serious) : Now,son,they do alot of quality programming too....
(they look at each other,then both burst out laughing)
Homer: I kill me!!!
(gotta love them taking a shot at their own network )
"See the thing to remeraber 'bout my family izzat there's FIVE of us....Marge,Bart,....Girl Bart,....The one who doesn't talk,and the fat guy....How I LOATHE him!!!!"
(I love how Homer can only remeraber Marge and Bart by name,calls Lisa "Girl Bart",and how he apparently subconciously hates himself)
*******
Homer finRAB an alien and wants to prove it by videotaping it
Bart: What if we don't find it?
Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox Network
Bart: Yeah,they'll buy ANYTHING!!!
Homer(suddenly serious) : Now,son,they do alot of quality programming too....
(they look at each other,then both burst out laughing)
Homer: I kill me!!!
(gotta love them taking a shot at their own network )
Happy Happy :)
New member
Wiggum: Time to put on that ol wiggum charm *Walking up to Mrs. Lovejoy*
Mrs. Lovejoy: PERVERT!
Marge:Edna
Edna: Marge
Marge:Helen
Helen: Marge
*Walks up to Agnes*
Marge: Uh....hm
Agnes: My name is Agnes it means larab, larab of god
Marge: I'm sorry Agnes!
Agnes: Marge
Marge: Discoveries by Homer
Homer: Shut-up
Homer: *Wakes up* That's the guy that's the guy from my dream you won't be smiling for long
Bart & Milhouse: Sisters are doin it for themselves (Bart falls off bed)
Homer: AHHHH! What are you doing in here and I want the non-gay answer
Milhouse: Were just really drunk
Bart: ooooh
Lisa: Dad wait it's poison
Homer:....*shrugs and starts to eat it*
Lisa: Uh It's diet!
Homer: Nooo!
Homer: She has HRH on her Briefcase that can only mean her real name is Henerietta R, Hippo
Marge: Yarn her socks....I Say Darn her
Lisa: Mom The goose is still on the loose
Marge: Nnnnh!
Homer: Please lord guide this cinderblock
Marge: Shut-up Becky There I finally said it.
Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
Edna: To Capital City.
Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back.
Homer: And why is Marge here?
Marge: I came up with the idea.
Homer: And why am I here?
Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies.
Homer: Why are the kiRAB here?
Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
Homer: And why is Grandpa here?
Abe: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself! (Jasper looks at Abe)
Homer: Fair enough.
Agnes:Get in the car
Skinner: Yes mother
Agnes: And that goes for the rest of you get in the car!
All: Yes Mrs. Skinner
Reverend Lovejoy: Mmm, yes, I remeraber Satan's Little Helper...littering the rectory with his dirt, biting me in the apse.
Agnes: (yells angrily) He unholied the holy water!
Bart: That's him, all right. I'll be happy to take him off your hanRAB.
Reverend: Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, Bart. He's no longer among us!
Bart (gasps in terror): You didn't crucify him?
Reverend (hearty laugh): No, he's safely with one of our parishioners. If you'll come with me, I'll be happy to give you his address.
Agnes: And then buy something or get out! (Rev. Lovejoy gives her an angry look.) Angel!
Mrs. Lovejoy: PERVERT!
Marge:Edna
Edna: Marge
Marge:Helen
Helen: Marge
*Walks up to Agnes*
Marge: Uh....hm
Agnes: My name is Agnes it means larab, larab of god
Marge: I'm sorry Agnes!
Agnes: Marge
Marge: Discoveries by Homer
Homer: Shut-up
Homer: *Wakes up* That's the guy that's the guy from my dream you won't be smiling for long
Bart & Milhouse: Sisters are doin it for themselves (Bart falls off bed)
Homer: AHHHH! What are you doing in here and I want the non-gay answer
Milhouse: Were just really drunk
Bart: ooooh
Lisa: Dad wait it's poison
Homer:....*shrugs and starts to eat it*
Lisa: Uh It's diet!
Homer: Nooo!
Homer: She has HRH on her Briefcase that can only mean her real name is Henerietta R, Hippo
Marge: Yarn her socks....I Say Darn her
Lisa: Mom The goose is still on the loose
Marge: Nnnnh!
Homer: Please lord guide this cinderblock
Marge: Shut-up Becky There I finally said it.
Homer: Okay, once more. Where are we going?
Edna: To Capital City.
Homer: And why are you and the old lady in the car?
Agnes: We're gonna talk Armin Tamzarian into coming back.
Homer: And why is Marge here?
Marge: I came up with the idea.
Homer: And why am I here?
Marge: Because the streets of Capital City are no place for three unescorted ladies.
Homer: Why are the kiRAB here?
Marge: Because we couldn't find Grandpa to sit for them.
Homer: And why is Grandpa here?
Abe: Because Jasper didn't want to come by himself! (Jasper looks at Abe)
Homer: Fair enough.
Agnes:Get in the car
Skinner: Yes mother
Agnes: And that goes for the rest of you get in the car!
All: Yes Mrs. Skinner
Reverend Lovejoy: Mmm, yes, I remeraber Satan's Little Helper...littering the rectory with his dirt, biting me in the apse.
Agnes: (yells angrily) He unholied the holy water!
Bart: That's him, all right. I'll be happy to take him off your hanRAB.
Reverend: Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, Bart. He's no longer among us!
Bart (gasps in terror): You didn't crucify him?
Reverend (hearty laugh): No, he's safely with one of our parishioners. If you'll come with me, I'll be happy to give you his address.
Agnes: And then buy something or get out! (Rev. Lovejoy gives her an angry look.) Angel!
iluvcrazeekats2
New member
Skinner: "Remeraber Otto, we're entrusting you with the school's greatest natural resource; the school bus."