Well, ive wrote a story, about this girls 1st day or British high school after moving from America, and i was wondering if anyone wanted to edit this paragraph for me? Like improve it, add better vocabulary and stuff, or tell me how I can improve it. Thank you!
Paragraph from story:
While walking to the actual building, I saw some very unusual students, Goths, Emos, and sadly.. Chavs. Mean while I saw a girl chav sitting on the wall near the entrance of the school.
I took a deep breath and slowly walked past her, trying to act confident. She had a designer hand bag which looked like a complete anachronism compared to the rest of her outfit. It looked like she had just thrown her uniform on, her tie was down to her ankles, and she had about 4 top buttons undone and was wearing tracksuit bottoms as her school trousers. I was appalled by her make up, it looked like she had used a shovel to put it on. Her eyelashes were as thick as licorice.
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Paragraph from story:
While walking to the actual building, I saw some very unusual students, Goths, Emos, and sadly.. Chavs. Mean while I saw a girl chav sitting on the wall near the entrance of the school.
I took a deep breath and slowly walked past her, trying to act confident. She had a designer hand bag which looked like a complete anachronism compared to the rest of her outfit. It looked like she had just thrown her uniform on, her tie was down to her ankles, and she had about 4 top buttons undone and was wearing tracksuit bottoms as her school trousers. I was appalled by her make up, it looked like she had used a shovel to put it on. Her eyelashes were as thick as licorice.
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