Free at last (of oxycodone)!

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mel486

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That's very cool news!! Looks like you are on top of the game now. I'm glad that you felt good today. That's is also good news.
 
Thanks, you guys. As far as the pharmacy "drive-by" goes -- I don't have pleasant pharmacy memories at all. I never again want to stand in line and feel like the pharmacist is thinking "junkie". Or wait with bated breath while the tech looks at my scrip then turns to the pharmacist and whispers. Once my scrip quantity started getting up in the hundreRAB, I always felt like they secretly looked down on me. OR, I had to go to multiple pharmacies because many didn't even have that large a quantity of oxy in stock. Now that is just darn sad. Then they started giving me some "off-manufacturer" that I didn't think worked as well....so then I had to start making sure the pharmacy had the "aqua" ones that I liked. What a huge hassle. I am glad to be done with it.

Perhaps I sound paranoid, but I guess I just felt guilty and erabarrassed to be taking such huge quantities of narcotics, even if they were legitimately prescribed. Brought back too many memories of my "dark side" 30+ years ago, which also involved a pharmacy or two, and some cops....but that's a story for another day and probably another board.... ;-)
 
Congratulations!!! Very good job!!!

Concoured severe Tramadoladdiction (as well as other drugs in lesser degree) in deceraber, but not yet free of other pills unfortunately. (But its still a major, major improvement from how it was then..)
 
Yeah, I too remeraber feeling erabarrassed as well. At my highest usage I think I was using both Oxycontin and percocet at the same time.took 2 20 mg of oxy and then up to 8-10 percs a day! I live in a small town and do business with the people that work there and it was mortifying for me...... At first they were super supportive... Then it turned weird and uncomfortable! It was a relief when that was done! That is FOR SURE!

So at least you are looking at the positive side of things too! Good for you. I had a hard time doing that in the begining and sometimes still do. You wouldn't beleive the pity parties I have thrown myself over being an addict and not letting myself become one again. I enjoyed that high like the rest... It was what I lived for...... Now, I feel like there is ALWAYS temptation lurking and I just have to have my eyes wide open at all times and NEVER get too cocky about sobriety.... It can be your worst enemy!

Just keep doing what you are doing!!!! You are a rockstar in my book!
 
Congratulations on one week. It will get easier and easier as the days go by. You're on the right path!!
 
Hey, NP, how's it goin' today? It's a little gray and cloudy here in my little 'hood, and I'm trying to motivate myself to get outside for a walk, take my morbidly obese Golden Retriever along, and see if those endorphins actually work anymore.

I hear you about not feeling motivated to deal with the mundane aspects of household work. The only way I manage is by almost not thinking about what I've got to do. I just sort of flip some auto-pilot switch and start with one foot in front of the other. I'll wipe off the breadboard which will then reveal the counter ought to also be cleaned, then, oh heck, may as well stick all those glasses in the dishwasher, which leaRAB me to walk through all the rooms in the house looking for more so I can run a load, while along the way, I then have the opportunity to lecture each child I encounter on the virtues of family solidarity, as in, "you really should be taking your cereal bowl-glass-cup-spoon-etc. to the sink yourself", which then inspires the next lecture, "Hang up your towels, pick up your clothes off the floor in the bathroom, open the blinRAB in your room and turn off the light". LOL

Then, there's the mail. I only read it once a week. If I'm awaiting something important, then I'll read that, but otherwise it patiently awaits my attention. I don't know if that is a hydro-related habit, or if it is just because it's a drag, but I *do* have to force myself to do it just so that I don't help the massive credit industry in any way by making late payments. (More LOLs)

I am *so* there with you on the aches and pains, but I have to say that blessedly my back hasn't really hurt much after the first week. My legs, OTH, are another story. Every single day they're so weak and trerably I don't know how I'm going to stand up/sit down/walk/bend/drive. Headaches remain truly punishing with the oddest sensation of the skin covering my skull being pulled so tight it feels like my shoulders are lifted up to my shoulders.

I'm wondering what you're doing to be kind to yourself. After my husband died, my grief therapist told me to indulge myself in some of the simpler pleasures of life, such as a candle-lit bath. Well, I thought *she* was the crazy one, but I finally tried it and realized that was the most comfortable I'd felt in ages. Granted, it was a fleeting moment, but it *did* bring me relief. Then, during those earliest days of WD, I found myself back in the tub every night. I had some Dead Sea salt that I threw into the water hoping that the minerals would somehow enhance recovery. And that week just before I went CT, when I had those dreadful nights of restless leg syndrome, I found myself taking a couple a night as that was the *only* source of peace.

I don't know if you can afford it, or how much you were spending on your addiction, but I have applied my monthly "savings" to getting a massage. I can afford 3 massages a month for what I was paying for my hydro. There is nothing better for me than to have that laying on of hanRAB to enhance my sense of well being. I really recommend it. Also, if you have the nerve, you *can* tell your massage therapist that you're detoxing from pain medication (sounRAB more medical than, "Hi, I'm NP. I'm an addict. I'm in WD.")

Also, I don't know if you have insurance, but if you do, you might check into physical therapy benefits because PTs definitely do massage, along with all of their other techniques, and you might have some coverage to help. That's what I'm going to do, believe it or not, at the office of one of the docs who Rx'd my hydro where they have begun a pain management program through a, I guess you'd call it, more holistic approach, with everything from PT, to ultra-sound, to massage.

May we all pass through this day with our loaRAB lifted even a feather's weight lighter.
 
Hi all -- I don't feel well enough to write much, but this is Day One of my life without oxycodone. (I just got finished an 8-week taper that took me from 60-75 mg daily to zero.) My last little microscopic dose was last night at 10:30 PM. It actually made me feel worse, so that's "a good thing". I don't feel bad as far as WD symptoms go, but I am very stiff. I know that will pass with time. I'm so glad to be done with it!!! No watching the clock anymore. I'll check back when I feel a little better.
 
NotPerky:
Good for you. I want to let you know that I am going to show your posting to a friend of mine that is addicted to painkillers. He is in complete denial. I hope your post helps him. I keep telling him to taper off slowly but he doesnt listen. He is not too far gone (in my opinion). PLEASE...keep us informed on your progress because you are helping other people in doing so. I also take Vicodin for chronic back pain. I take 3 "10/325" a day. I have never swayed and have never increased the amount but at the same time I understand that I have to be cautious. I am going for the back epidurals in 2 weeks. Hopefully I wont need the Vicodin anymore. Keep strong and share your story!!!
Joe.
 
Hello my dear NP,
My heart is so heavy right now for you. I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness and the need to just reach out and give you a great big hug and just let you cry on my shoulder. Now obviously, that can't happen so please take a minute and imagine me hugging you honey. What you are going thru right now is more than I can even imagine having to go thru. You are right, this is a Mothers worse nightmare. Please know you and your son will be in my prayers all the time.. In fact, I will have a mass said for you both this sunday morning. Because no matter what religion or non religion you are.... it isn't going to hurt anything so I hope it does not offend you.

I too like reach feel like I have a million thoughts going thru my head that I want to say to you but am not able to get the worRAB out. What you are deaing with is just beyond overwhelming and it makes me feel extrodinarily selfish for complaining to you guys about my sitution.

If there was something I could do to help you right this moment I would but obviously, my thoughts,prayers and support are going to have to be my effort.

I am proud of you for not enabling him. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to have your son living out of his car but you did the right thing honey, you really did. As for him finding suboxone on the street, I believe it... Since being a meraber on this board I have seen that you can find just about anything. In my real life I think the only think I could find of the street is pot and that is probaby a really good thing I don't know where to find pills.... I would not even begin to know where to start looking and believe me, back in the day I put some thought into it.. Shameful but true.

You are being testing right now NP and tested greatly. Just remeraber we are here to support you. Lean on us. Whatever it is.. we are here for you. I am worried sick over this situation so please update us as soon as you possibly can....

I am sending you a big hug and am praying for peace in your heart and safety for your son.
May GoRAB strength be with you every step of the way.
XOXOXOXOX
 
Day 22....just shoot me....I thought I was getting over the "leg tiredness" but it's baaaack. It feels like muscle soreness in both thighs, like I've been exercising. Corabined with the stiffness and back pain, it makes everything difficult....walking, standing, even bending to unload the dishwasher. I forced myself to do a couple erranRAB yesterday, but driving hurts too. OK, well, I'm still thinking (praying) Day 30 will be the magical day (based on my long-ago month-long methadone withdrawal), but Day 30 is not til next weekend. I just wish this darn leg thing would go away, because otherwise I don't feel too bad. My mood is "up and down"....well, mostly down because I just want to get over this and move on with my life. (I do have back and leg pain normally, but *this* type of pain is abnormal.)

Sorry to keep whining, but I just wanted to check in.
 
NP,
I've not posted much but have been reading and following your progress. You're doing great and have lots of strength and motivation to keep moving forward. I, too, hope your leg pain decreases and all of your WD symptoms begin to fade.....Great Job you are doing! Gives me hope!

KEW
 
You are doing a really good job NP. I am really proud of you for getting of the oxycodone. I know that when I went off of oxycodone that I felt like I had the flu for about 2 weeks. Then things started to slowly get better. Just remeraber that it takes a complete 12 months for your body, brain to completely heal and get back to noraml. It takes a full 2 years for the mind/psychological state to return to normal. Just take it 1 day at a time and you will get there. Just remeraber it is the journey that is important not the destination. Try to get outside as much as possible (out in the sun) which will help your body produce vitamin D, improve your depression in the process, and try to take a little walk (no matter how bad your muscles ache). I guarantee that you will feel better after you get back from your walk. Try to drink as much water as possible and take a multi-vitamin and extra b vitamins which will give you energy and help to replenish the vitamins/minerals that were being robbed by the drugs.

brian
 
I'm so proud of you and your taper. You showed us all how to do it correctly. I pray that the final w/d's are mild for you and really hope that you don't get any. Keep us up to date on how you are doing. Great job!!
 
Day 11....ughhh, when will I ever feel better.....I am still having hot flashes (the hot humid weather doesn't help), no energy, occasional sneezing, yawns and watery eyes/nose....I've been able to go out and do a few things, but honestly not much. I wish it wasn't so darn hot out, because it is definitely making this process worse. I could go lie at the pool....but the thought of being outside in the heat, when I already am so darn hot and sweaty, just is unimaginable. I do understand the feeling of wishing I could just take "one", to get a few hours of relief.....but that's not gonna happen, because there are none available.

But, as I've mentioned, I am Miss Delicate System....as well as being No Spring Chicken....so I'm not surprised at all that it's taking me a year and a half to go through WD. I'm sure there is a little progress being made each day, but it's hard to see it when you still feel like cr*p. Like someone else mentioned, I too look forward to sleep as my only escape. I try to sleep as late as I can....then eventually my eyes open and I realize I have to get up and face another day. My house is a disheveled dustball and I haven't gotten anything accomplished in the past few months, which includes cleaning or even straightening up. It's depressing. But yet, it takes a huge amount of energy to do even the most routine things, like unloading the dishwasher or doing laundry. That's what I relied on my oxycodone for -- pepping me up.

Sorry to be a bummer, but that's kind of how I feel tonight. Wish I could sleep through the next two weeks....assuming I'll even feel better by then! Well, I'll check back and let you know how it's going. Thanks as always for your support and good wishes.
 
Well, it's Day 18 and there might be some good news, finally. My legs have definitely improved over the last day. I'm not ready for hiking (but then again, I've never liked hiking!), but I can walk from here to the kitchen without too much leg tiredness. I even went to the supermarket today! And was able to stand in the deli line! And carried my groceries in! This is a big improvement over the last time I had to go to the market last week....I could barely lift anything into the cart.

I still have that little blanket of "flu-like" feelings and the sneezes (five in a row a little while ago) -- wow, who knew WD could take this long?

Reader, to answer some of your questions -- I wasn't spending a lot on the oxy because it was covered by my insurance and was actually very inexpensive (generic). I'll probably end up spending MORE once I feel better and start eating normally, going out, and yes, getting my regular massages and mani/pedi's. All those things have gone by the wayside because I haven't had the energy to even pick up the phone and make an appointment. And with my gooseflesh, the thought of someone touching me made me cringe. I have checks (small) I haven't even deposited yet -- they got buried in the clutter, and suddenly I remerabered they might expire soon!

Anyway, I am very encouraged by my bit of progress today, as the leg/thigh pain is probably the worst of the many WD symptoms. It's by no means gone, but it is a much-needed light at the end of the tunnel....I desperately needed that, because I was really getting discouraged. Hope everyone has a nice day today.
 
Thanks, you guys. I haven't posted because I've really felt lousy the past 4-5 days, and I don't want to sound completely whiny. It's been 7+ weeks and I'm still feeling pretty bad. I don't want to go into a lot of pain symptoms, because this isn't the PM board, but it's really depressing thinking this will be my life from now on. I haven't had the energy to pursue the physical therapy route. I haven't had the energy to do anything, really. My house is a cluttered nightmare because I can't clean. I can't get a cleaning lady because I'd have to straighten up for the cleaning lady. I miss that old energy. I've been having very tempting thoughts....thank goodness I don't have any pills here. I wish I could take just one, clean this place, and be done with it. But you know that won't happen...."one is never enough" or whatever the saying is. Every day I wake up and feel the same....lousy. This is the point where I might be thinking, "I am in pain....legitimate pain! I deserve to feel better!". But I know I'll end up in the same position that brought me here....being miserable because of the pills.

Well, I'm sorry to whine or sound negative, but I wanted to be honest. It's really a drag not seeing any day-to-day improvement....I'm just worried and really dejected. But as always, I appreciate your support and concern.
 
Hi all, just to let you know the update: I went to the PM and ended up getting a small scrip of Percocets. (After 13 weeks of being oxy-free, my pain level had been unbearable.) I was able to take the edge off with the Percs, even though they didn't entirely remove the pain. Of course, in 13 days, I've managed to take 17 pills, and now only have 3 until my next appt. on 12/1. It's hard not to take them when you're in pain and feel like c*ap....but I sure don't want to get hooked again! I NEVER want those chills (and other WD symptoms) again. Wish me luck.
 
Sorry to hear that your w/d's are taking so long to get over. Maybe talk to your doctor about something to help you sleep. There are some natural sleep remedies also that can help. I know what you mean about sleep helping you cope with the withdrawals. I'm hoping the best for you!!
 
I went to my PM today. C'mon, high fives all around: I did NOT ask for any narcotics! I needed a new scrip for my Arabien, and he also gave me a scrip for three days of Prednisone and I asked for a scrip for physical therapy. I have not done well with PT before (it increased my lower back pain), but then again I always had the pills as a back-up. Now I feel like I really need to do gentle core-strengthening exercises. I have been slouching and slumping for so long (trying to avoid the pain) that I think my back muscles are now very weak. Anyway, I did want to tell you that I asked my PM why my thigh muscles still ache (six weeks' clean). He said the muscle aches can last a couple months. I had been really afraid he'd say, "Whaattt? You should be fine by now!". I felt really re-assured when he did not seem surprised or taken aback that my thighs still are very sore. So now maybe I'll make my "Magic Day" day 60. Or, maybe I'll just not have a magic day and just face the fact that my darn sensitive system is going to rebel awhile longer....but someday, just someday, my thighs won't feel like I did 600 squats.

P.S. There's good news on my appetite: I was able to scarf down a Whopper Jr. and fries tonight. A few weeks ago, I couldn't even THINK of eating that. I'm sure I'll be gaining back those 10 lbs. quickly.
 
Hey There NP

Hope today finRAB you scarfing down lots more burger and fries. Chuckles. It is good that the appetite has returned. Mine also returned after withdrawal, but it sure didn't need to! Doctor has shaprply reprimanded me to get some of these pounRAB off by the next visit. I am trying, I am trying.

Those sore muscles? Did you know that a part of withdrawal is a search and seek mission conducted by the brain that is looking for any remnants of the drugs we may have left? It is a bummer. I can not really recall how long it continued for me, but I sure remeraber it happening. Hope it subsides soon.

Keep on keepin' on ( I miss our English mate who always signed off like that!)
reach
 
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