T
TaCot
Guest
Hang in there, NP. You are probably a lot stronger than you think you are. You should be very proud of yourself!!! Way to go!
N
NotPerky
Guest
My pain is from severe lurabar degenerative disk disease. I have been under the care of a pain management specialist for three years, as I've already had surgery and there's no further surgical option. I have an appointment with my PM tomorrow. I don't want to go back on pain meRAB, but my pain is way worse and more debilitating without them. I've given my body almost 13 weeks to adjust to not having opiates, so I think this is as good as it's gonna get. And I need SOME relief from this pain. As I sit here, my back and leg are on fire. Inactivity doesn't relieve it; activity doesn't relieve it. Well, I know this isn't the pain management board, but I did want to address your questions and let you know that I'm in the miRABt of a big battle with myself. I certainly don't want to get dependent again; on the other hand, I would like a break from this constant pain....I'll let you know, and thanks as always for your support.
R
ReD4Life
Guest
I hope this finRAB you strong and doing well. Congratulations! You should be extremely proud of yourself. I have been off my taper for a few days now and the cravings do hit, but they aren't long lasting or too tough.
You will be a little better each and every day.
You will be a little better each and every day.
N
NotPerky
Guest
I wanted to tell you guys how much your messages of support mean to me. I am still oxy-free and improving physically, but of course I'm overwhelmed with sadness when I think of my son. I have let him come here to shower and have a meal every now and then. He has not asked to move back in, and he still doesn't seem to think he has a huge problem, despite the fact he's living in his car. Oh well....I'll continue to hope and pray. I so appreciate the Mass -- I need to get back to church myself. Sorry I haven't been able to post much....you know how that goes when you feel depressed and overwhelmed. Thanks again for all the support.
P
Peter Benders
Guest
congratulations notperky. i am very happy to hear that you have got over your addiction. i wish you a happy recovery and a very happy life.
N
NotPerky
Guest
Yep, it is a Catch 22 for sure. I admit I did over-indulge. After being in such pain for the three oxy-free months, I enjoyed the fact that I got some relief and was able to get some things done around here. But then....you start wanting to get relief every day. And you have things to do and places to go...so you find excuses to pop a pill. I don't even know how I managed to use 17 in 13 days, but regardless, I took the 18th last night. I truly am in severe pain, so it's not like I popped a Perc just for fun.
So tonight, I felt a bit chilled. Could've been the weather....OR....don't tell me I'm hooked again already! That scared me. Uh oh....I'm NOT going through this again!
The other thing is, I will be completely erabarrassed if I have to call the PM and tell him I took all 20 and need more. Soooo, I didn't take anything tonight. One day at a time here. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this chronic pain, but I can't take the thought of being "dependent" again and needing those darn pills to function.
So tonight, I felt a bit chilled. Could've been the weather....OR....don't tell me I'm hooked again already! That scared me. Uh oh....I'm NOT going through this again!
The other thing is, I will be completely erabarrassed if I have to call the PM and tell him I took all 20 and need more. Soooo, I didn't take anything tonight. One day at a time here. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this chronic pain, but I can't take the thought of being "dependent" again and needing those darn pills to function.
N
NotPerky
Guest
Hi all. Day Four with no oxy. I still feel pretty lousy; yes, I guess I could equate it with the flu (feeling like I have the flu, I mean). Achy, headachy, fatigued. I feel "out of it". I still have pain, especially in my legs. If I walk into the kitchen, my legs feel like I walked 100 miles. The hot flashes and anxiety come occasionally, but thankfully not often. I've been able to sleep OK but I'm still taking my Arabien. (One thing at a time.)
One of the best things I did was flushing all the rest of my meRAB. No matter how anxious I get, or how long I feel lousy, there's nothing to tempt me. I'd have to make all the effort of getting a new scrip. Well, guess what -- I don't have the energy to make tea, much less call the doctor, go to the pharmacy, etc. In fact, when I have managed to go out, I've passed the pharmacy several times, and been very happy to just keep on truckin' by.
I hate to ask this, but any idea of how long the "flu" will last? I have pretty much put my life on hold while I was tapering, and I still don't have the energy to do much of anything. I know it took me a good month to recover from methadone (30 years ago) but I didn't think oxycodone immediate-release was as insidious as methadone. But I still am giving it a month, since I AM, you know, "Miss Delicate System".
I still don't have my appetite back and can't eat much. I'm at a very low weight (lowest in 10 years) and am trying to eat calories whatever way I can get them (even if it's a milkshake). Don't worry, I know I'll gain the darn weight back....and it'll be fun doing it when the time comes!
The nice thing is, I can't wallow in how lousy I feel, or look at the clock waiting for that next dose, because there isn't a next dose. I just have to hope that each day will bring a little progress.
BTW, you guys are the only ones who know my situation. I mentioned last week to my mother that I was almost off my pain meRAB, and she said she thought I went off them a few months ago! (when I first mentioned the taper) People have no idea how long it takes to properly wean from this stuff. She asked why I can't take pain meRAB, since I'm obviously in legitimate pain. Well, for me, it's because they're addictive. Even if take only one a day, I get dependent on that one a day. And I start getting little chills and WD symptoms earlier in the day, and I end up taking a little nip of my next dose....then one leaRAB to two, etc. etc. If I NEVER get another chill or clammy feeling, this will all be worth it.
Well, sorry to babble on and on....but it's a rainy Sunday. Thanks for all the support, guys, and I hope to hear how everyone's doing.
One of the best things I did was flushing all the rest of my meRAB. No matter how anxious I get, or how long I feel lousy, there's nothing to tempt me. I'd have to make all the effort of getting a new scrip. Well, guess what -- I don't have the energy to make tea, much less call the doctor, go to the pharmacy, etc. In fact, when I have managed to go out, I've passed the pharmacy several times, and been very happy to just keep on truckin' by.
I hate to ask this, but any idea of how long the "flu" will last? I have pretty much put my life on hold while I was tapering, and I still don't have the energy to do much of anything. I know it took me a good month to recover from methadone (30 years ago) but I didn't think oxycodone immediate-release was as insidious as methadone. But I still am giving it a month, since I AM, you know, "Miss Delicate System".
I still don't have my appetite back and can't eat much. I'm at a very low weight (lowest in 10 years) and am trying to eat calories whatever way I can get them (even if it's a milkshake). Don't worry, I know I'll gain the darn weight back....and it'll be fun doing it when the time comes!
The nice thing is, I can't wallow in how lousy I feel, or look at the clock waiting for that next dose, because there isn't a next dose. I just have to hope that each day will bring a little progress.
BTW, you guys are the only ones who know my situation. I mentioned last week to my mother that I was almost off my pain meRAB, and she said she thought I went off them a few months ago! (when I first mentioned the taper) People have no idea how long it takes to properly wean from this stuff. She asked why I can't take pain meRAB, since I'm obviously in legitimate pain. Well, for me, it's because they're addictive. Even if take only one a day, I get dependent on that one a day. And I start getting little chills and WD symptoms earlier in the day, and I end up taking a little nip of my next dose....then one leaRAB to two, etc. etc. If I NEVER get another chill or clammy feeling, this will all be worth it.
Well, sorry to babble on and on....but it's a rainy Sunday. Thanks for all the support, guys, and I hope to hear how everyone's doing.
N
NotPerky
Guest
My strength is really being tested. I found out tonight my son is back on heroin. As some of you may recall, I originally learned about this back in March and I tried to taper at that time (the sympathy taper), but was unsuccessful. He detoxed, refused further treatment in rehab, and came back to live with me. I didn't see any signs of drug use until the past few days, when some of his behavior made me suspicious. (Yawning, then shuddering, for example.) Then I found out he's been doing stealth ATM withdrawals with my card. Confronted him tonight. He absolutely refused to admit he was back on drugs, even when I demanded to see his arms ("they're FINE"). He tried and tried and tried to get me to give up, but he finally had to show me. And unfortunately, I saw proof....multiple needle marks.
I've told him he has to get out. He doesn't know where to go. He has work tomorrow, so I told him he can sleep here but don't come back here after work. He promises "no more drugs" (he says he's not hooked again), but unfortunately, that ship has sailed and I can no longer trust him. Heck, he still tried to lie his way out of it tonight. I knew there was a reason he was balking at showing me his arms....hey, I am not an ex-addict for nothing. BTW, I went through h*** trying to get him into detox/rehab last time (he has no medical benefits). He swore he would never go through that again (WD). And I believed him.
He has depression/personality/maturity issues, so I've hesitated to do extreme "tough love", but I can't enable this anymore. Anyway, just wanted to tell you the latest....once again, I'm glad I have no pills here or I surely would've popped one.
I've told him he has to get out. He doesn't know where to go. He has work tomorrow, so I told him he can sleep here but don't come back here after work. He promises "no more drugs" (he says he's not hooked again), but unfortunately, that ship has sailed and I can no longer trust him. Heck, he still tried to lie his way out of it tonight. I knew there was a reason he was balking at showing me his arms....hey, I am not an ex-addict for nothing. BTW, I went through h*** trying to get him into detox/rehab last time (he has no medical benefits). He swore he would never go through that again (WD). And I believed him.
He has depression/personality/maturity issues, so I've hesitated to do extreme "tough love", but I can't enable this anymore. Anyway, just wanted to tell you the latest....once again, I'm glad I have no pills here or I surely would've popped one.
N
NotPerky
Guest
Hey there D -- no, I can tell the difference between my normal "nerve pain" that shoots down my leg, and this "leg tiredness". Some of the differences are: 1) My normal pain is down my left leg...this pain is in both legs; 2) My normal pain shoots down my leg whether I'm sitting, lying or standing....this pain is only when I'm standing/walking and is relieved by sitting (seems muscular, not nerve); 3) Leg tiredness and pain has been a running theme on this board for people going through WD; 4) I have a distant memory of this type of pain when I went through methadone WD; 5) I know my history of being a wimp when it comes to side-effects and lengthy WRAB. For example: When I went off Cyrabalta (low dose) after having been on it for three whole weeks, I was sick as a dog. My doctor insisted it was not the Cyrabalta, yet I knew it was. I had to go back on it, taper down to GRAINS and took weeks to do it, yet I still got pretty sick when I finally stopped it. Yet other people can stop it with no prob. And remeraber, I've been on oxycodone for over five years. My wussy delicate system has certainly come to depend on it.
Sooo, I will just stick it out. There are definitely moments when the legs feel better....which makes me optimistic that this particular symptom will eventually go away....soon, I hope. Thanks as always for all your support.
Sooo, I will just stick it out. There are definitely moments when the legs feel better....which makes me optimistic that this particular symptom will eventually go away....soon, I hope. Thanks as always for all your support.
M
mel486
Guest
Hey there NotPerky... Glad you checked in. The achy legs and insomnia were the worse for me (besides the shaking which was not a w/d). I would keep walking around the house for most of the night, until I was literally bouncing off the walls. Then I would go lay down. I used Arabien as well to sleep. Most w/d's usually last 5-7 days and you are probably through the worse of it and you should start feeling better in the next couple of days. I use my memory of my last withdrawals as a reminder never to use opiates again, since I never want to go through that w/d process again.
It takes a while before your body is fully over the opiate addiction because it relied on the opiates to produce the endorphins (natural chemicals in your body that make you feel good) on their own. My formula was to stay busy and to seek out things and tasks that made me feel good in the past. You have to re-teach your body to make the endorphins naturally again. They have been on vacation for all that time and don't want to go back to work.
Just take each day, each hour, each moment and make the best of it and you'll be feeling chipper soon and you'll have to change your logon name to "FeelingPerky"
It takes a while before your body is fully over the opiate addiction because it relied on the opiates to produce the endorphins (natural chemicals in your body that make you feel good) on their own. My formula was to stay busy and to seek out things and tasks that made me feel good in the past. You have to re-teach your body to make the endorphins naturally again. They have been on vacation for all that time and don't want to go back to work.
Just take each day, each hour, each moment and make the best of it and you'll be feeling chipper soon and you'll have to change your logon name to "FeelingPerky"
M
mel486
Guest
Hey There Not Perky. Since the Oxy I was taking was giving me severe headaches, I stopped it about 2 weeks ago. I switched back to the Lyrica and Cyrabalta, both work on nerve pain and I have been getting by with that corabo so far.
I'm so glad to hear that you have been able to stay away from the Oxy. I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain again. I wish I knew the answer. I hate being on the pain pills because I become an emotional zorabie, but I also hate to be in pain where I can't sit and work. What is the answer? Is there an answer? I just don't know.
Good luck with your PM appt. Maybe there is a new magic solution.
I'm so glad to hear that you have been able to stay away from the Oxy. I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain again. I wish I knew the answer. I hate being on the pain pills because I become an emotional zorabie, but I also hate to be in pain where I can't sit and work. What is the answer? Is there an answer? I just don't know.
Good luck with your PM appt. Maybe there is a new magic solution.
S
Secrets1983
Guest
Hey NP!
GREAT JOB!!!! You are right in the thick of it and your attitude INSPIRES ME! You really are something special. I will be honest... When I was tapering and after and sometimes still now.. when I pass a pharmacy I can't help but think about all the meRAB they have in there.. It's sick really! SO be proud of yourself because most of the time if I know a pharmacy is coming up I look the other direction and try to distract myself!!!! Pathetic... I know!
THe "flu" will start to get better and better now as the days go by! That I promise! It will not last forever, with every withdrawal feeling your body is actually healing even though it feels the opposite... A very wise woman once shared that with me (Reachout) and it helped me get thru the worst of it.
I am so happy you are sleeping because I did not and it made it so hard to deal with!!!!!
I am proud of you! So proud of you! Please just keep writing and sharing your journey! You would not believe all the people you may be helping find the strength to keep going too!
Blessings to you!
GREAT JOB!!!! You are right in the thick of it and your attitude INSPIRES ME! You really are something special. I will be honest... When I was tapering and after and sometimes still now.. when I pass a pharmacy I can't help but think about all the meRAB they have in there.. It's sick really! SO be proud of yourself because most of the time if I know a pharmacy is coming up I look the other direction and try to distract myself!!!! Pathetic... I know!
THe "flu" will start to get better and better now as the days go by! That I promise! It will not last forever, with every withdrawal feeling your body is actually healing even though it feels the opposite... A very wise woman once shared that with me (Reachout) and it helped me get thru the worst of it.
I am so happy you are sleeping because I did not and it made it so hard to deal with!!!!!
I am proud of you! So proud of you! Please just keep writing and sharing your journey! You would not believe all the people you may be helping find the strength to keep going too!
Blessings to you!
S
Secrets1983
Guest
Hey NP,
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! It sounRAB like you are really doing a fine job on your road to recovery. I am sorry it took me so long to finally write to you... However, you have been on my mind a lot lately and today I just had to make sure I wrote to you!!!
Your strength is really incredible to me. Being able to see your PM and not asking for any narcotics is truly 100% strength and will power so GREAT JOB!!!
The muscle aches are miserable.. I remeraber tossing and turning and my legs hurting so bad. I don't wish that upon anyone! The sleepless nights were enough to make me crazy however, it does end and when it does... Your "magic day" will be so cherished! You will be so grateful to just sit there will no pain in your legs and when you can actually sleep thru a night.. You will wake up the next morning and celebrate. I know I did.
I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and I am so very proud of you! Keep up the good work!!!! I look forward to reading another update.
Blessings!
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! It sounRAB like you are really doing a fine job on your road to recovery. I am sorry it took me so long to finally write to you... However, you have been on my mind a lot lately and today I just had to make sure I wrote to you!!!
Your strength is really incredible to me. Being able to see your PM and not asking for any narcotics is truly 100% strength and will power so GREAT JOB!!!
The muscle aches are miserable.. I remeraber tossing and turning and my legs hurting so bad. I don't wish that upon anyone! The sleepless nights were enough to make me crazy however, it does end and when it does... Your "magic day" will be so cherished! You will be so grateful to just sit there will no pain in your legs and when you can actually sleep thru a night.. You will wake up the next morning and celebrate. I know I did.
I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and I am so very proud of you! Keep up the good work!!!! I look forward to reading another update.
Blessings!
W
Wild Irish Rose
Guest
NP, I'm sorry to hear about your fall - nothing like everything happening at once, is there?
I'm really stoked, tho, about your 1 week anniversary. You're doing great. Hang in and next thing you know it'll be 2 weeks...
rose
I'm really stoked, tho, about your 1 week anniversary. You're doing great. Hang in and next thing you know it'll be 2 weeks...
rose
N
NotPerky
Guest
I thought I would give you guys a chuckle tonight. As some of you may recall, I am Miss Delicate System who gets side-effects from everything. Besides side-effects and withdrawal symptoms from various medications, I get days-long jet lag from traveling, Montezuma's Revenge from changes in water, multiple mosquito bites during island vacations, etc. I'm a mess. So lately, I've been taking the dog to the dog park so he can run, since I can't exercise him much. What do I end up with? Gnat bites all over my ears! The gnats were bothering everyone, but who enRAB up with the bites? ME! Despite hair over ears, sunglasses, and wearing the dog's scarf around my face like a bandit. Those darn things hurt and are itchy! Like I need this on top of everything else! I am itchy and miserable....ughhh.
R
ReD4Life
Guest
congrats to you! I hope your lingering withdrawal symptoms will be a thing of the past very soon. Kicking those pills to the curb feels so good!
M
mel486
Guest
In spite of your continuing w/d's you seem to continue to have the right positive attitude and that's what it will take to get through it. You were on the Oxy for a long time and your body was used to it. It just may take a little longer for it to get out of your system and the endorphins pumping on their own again. I feel so sorry that you are still having symptoms. Just like me, it is possible that the stomach spasms that I had were a lingering w/d's since they never figure out what was causing them. That is a possibility. In that case, it took me 6 months to recover. Just keep on doing what you have been doing and they will go away. I just hope that it is soon!!
N
NotPerky
Guest
Day 16....still not feeling great....legs are still tired....aches and sore muscles in neck and legs....thighs feel like I did 100 lunges, only I didn't do any lunges. I have a sore inside my mouth and a fever blister on my lip (I have not had a fever nor have I been in the sun). My body is really rebelling, isn't it? My eyes have been tired and burning. Sneezing/yawning/watery eyes are minimal, but still there once or twice a day. I have no energy, still feel flu-like, and the back is still cracking. I forced myself to get dressed and go out the other night, figuring if I got some exercise, maybe I'd feel better. It was really tough because my legs are so sore. Well, I ended up feeling worse yesterday. So therefore, I don't want to push myself to do physical activities, because I don't need to feel worse than I already do. Anyway, I am giving myself the weekend to continue taking it easy, and then I really have to get back to "life", no matter how I feel.
This really has to be over by Labor Day weekend, I'm figuring....hoping. Thanks for all your support.
This really has to be over by Labor Day weekend, I'm figuring....hoping. Thanks for all your support.
N
NotPerky
Guest
Hey everyone...just checking in....I was away in FL for a month and haven't had much access to the boarRAB. I am still on the pain meRAB, but trying to control my daily usage so I don't end up with a huge addiction problem. Having tried for three months to "go without", I just couldn't live with the pain. I'm looking forward to catching up on how everyone's doing.
R
reachout
Guest
Hello NP
Oh, Honey, my heart is breaking with yours. I am so distressed reading your post and feeling some of your pain. Hurt, anger, frustration, pain, resentment.... God Almighty, it just all comes through.
I don't seem to have any worRAB of wisdom for you. My mind is almost blank. I guess I am trying to stand in your shoes for a moment and it is just overwhelming. It's like a million thoughts are racing around jurabled and no one single thought can form.
Just going to put cyber arms around you for now. I will be back to check in on you. Stay strong in your resolve not to pop anything at all. You do have strength, NP, but yes, this sure is a test of it.
Love
reach
Oh, Honey, my heart is breaking with yours. I am so distressed reading your post and feeling some of your pain. Hurt, anger, frustration, pain, resentment.... God Almighty, it just all comes through.
I don't seem to have any worRAB of wisdom for you. My mind is almost blank. I guess I am trying to stand in your shoes for a moment and it is just overwhelming. It's like a million thoughts are racing around jurabled and no one single thought can form.
Just going to put cyber arms around you for now. I will be back to check in on you. Stay strong in your resolve not to pop anything at all. You do have strength, NP, but yes, this sure is a test of it.
Love
reach