Enough with the Fuckin' Vampires

L

Lynn Bodoni

New member
I found the "every movie must have a strip club scene" fad to be excruciatingly boring. You can avoid most of the vampire movies, because you KNOW that they're gonna be about bloodsuckers. But if I wanted to watch a movie for people who were over 18, I had to sit through half an hour of bouncing titties. Since titties (bouncing or not) don't do a thing for me, this means that I spent more than a quarter of each movie twiddling my thumbs, rolling my eyes, and otherwise getting aggravated. These scenes interrupted the movie, which otherwise might be quite good, and brought me out of the story.

I have no objections to a movie which is about tits and ass, let's just be upfront about it, and call it softcore porn, and keep it out of the other movies where it will only be a distraction for half of the audience. Even the people in the audience who might enjoy the sight might also lose track of the story.
 
Playing right now on my cable system
From Dusk Till Dawn 2
Lust at First Bite
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
The Thirst


A little earlier, reruns of Twilight and True Blood (rerun pretty much every night). And others I can't even keep track of.

I am so tired of this bullshit vampire crap. I would think by now the ideas would have been bled dry from the genre.

And that goes for goddamm werevolves and zombies. And incestuous cannibal zombies, and zombie werevolves, and ... and Goddamn Zilla too.

Can't we have more movies with naked chicks who AREN'T horribly slashed or torn to pieces once the clothes come off?
 
olivesmarch4th said:
I never found vampires particularly scary or interesting.

But I recently started watching the Buffy series and love it.

It doesn't make me suddenly passionate about all things vampire-y. I don't get the hype either. Vampires are the most boring villain there is. Maybe that's why they made them into ''good guys.'' Because as bad guys they aren't very scary.
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I seem to remember both Angel & Spike speaking contemptuously of people who'd read too much Ann Rice.

Then, there's Buffy Versus Edward...
 
Amen to your rant.

I couldn't agree more. Vampires and werewolves. I can understand it for a scare now and then. Harmless fun. But the obsession our culture currently has with it baffles me.
 
Lynn Bodoni said:
I found the "every movie must have a strip club scene" fad to be excruciatingly boring. You can avoid most of the vampire movies, because you KNOW that they're gonna be about bloodsuckers. But if I wanted to watch a movie for people who were over 18, I had to sit through half an hour of bouncing titties. Since titties (bouncing or not) don't do a thing for me, this means that I spent more than a quarter of each movie twiddling my thumbs, rolling my eyes, and otherwise getting aggravated. These scenes interrupted the movie, which otherwise might be quite good, and brought me out of the story.

I have no objections to a movie which is about tits and ass, let's just be upfront about it, and call it softcore porn, and keep it out of the other movies where it will only be a distraction for half of the audience. Even the people in the audience who might enjoy the sight might also lose track of the story.
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I'd be interested in some titles of movies which you think are of the "Full of bouncing titties/must have a strip club scene" because I must say I can't recall many non-porn (softcore or otherwise) films from the past few years that would qualify, with the exception of things like Sin City and a couple of other films clearly aimed at a more "Mature" audience than your standard "R" rated movie.

Obviously there's going to be nudity in "Mainstream" films, but I certainly don't recall (and haven't noticed) it being de rigueur in the way you're suggesting it is, at any rate.
 
Haha, uh yeah, no. Now the goths have found a place to fit in and be popular, since everyone's into it. They will keep it popular for a long time, I fear. The demographic- tweens and teens with black nailpolish, lipstick, and hair- is not going anywhere any time soon.
 
Justin_Bailey said:
That's the really frustrating thing. Compared to most vampires in fiction, the Twilight vamps are much less sissy than most.
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How so? They don't even feed on human blood. (and I'm ashamed to admit that I know enough about Twilight to know that what I'm saying is applicable only to the "good" vampires, but still)
 
Leaffan said:
At this point I'm just sort of offended.

But yeah, it's amusing.
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Elvis Costello said:
Well, I used to be disgusted
But now I try to be amused
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;)

Seriously, though, I'm getting a little tired of the vampires also. I wish all those people who wish a vampire would come and bite them because vampires are OMGsohot would realize that the vampire would just think of them as a meal, nothing more. I saw a comic strip once in which a group of teenagers sees a couple of vampires walking by and make some comments about how sexy vampires are, only to have the vampires turn them into a mostly-sucked-dry heap of corpses. I think the tag line at the end said something like "To you, they're hot. To them, you're lunch." :D
 
I know what you mean..."vampire" has always been my lazy fall-back Halloween costume, but this past year, I couldn't find a set of vampire teeth to save my life. :mad: Damned "Twilight" twits. :rolleyes:

But I am a fan of the genre..Bram Stoker's version, Salem's Lot, I am Legend, etc...

Am currently reading a very excellent novel titled "The Historian" which deals with the Dracula legend.

And some films in the area I love, incl. Let the Right One In (Dutch, I think... They are making an American version but the original is wonderful), Thirst (Korean...Directed by Chan-wook Park (Old Boy, etc) oh, man, some HOT sex, black humor, gore, moral quandry, just all around brilliant, imo :cool:), 30 Days of Night (very decent adaptation of a graphic novel with some REAL-ASS vampires instead of these tween/pre-menopausal sex idols, GAG me! :p)

Anyway, as you should know, vampires seldom die, and the legend NEVER does, so best be prepared to deal with it for a while. Just "let the right ones in" and enjoy...ignore the tween/commercial CRAP. :dubious:
 
Alice The Goon said:
Haha, uh yeah, no. Now the goths have found a place to fit in and be popular, since everyone's into it. They will keep it popular for a long time, I fear. The demographic- tweens and teens with black nailpolish, lipstick, and hair- is not going anywhere any time soon.
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I don't think so. I think that, since it's mainstream, eventually those who would be goths will jump to something else. They already make fun of Twitards.

This is actually what bothers me, as I find goth fashion (if not the actual personality) to be quite attractive.
 
Rigamarole said:
How so? They don't even feed on human blood. (and I'm ashamed to admit that I know enough about Twilight to know that what I'm saying is applicable only to the "good" vampires, but still)
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Neither do the ones in Buffy/Angel. The idea that a good vampire doesn't drink human blood is pretty common. Twivamps are still at least uberstrong and (really) hard to kill.

Another way it is sometimes pulled off is having the vampire need to feed only on small amounts of blood per person, often obtained from blood banks so that they don't accidentally take too much. (It's usually portrayed as addictive.)

Edward v Buffy is amazing, BTW. It's really well done.

Finally, what an appropriate thread title. It's generally the vampiric intercourse that pisses people off like this.
 
You know what would be worse than nothing but Vampires? Wall to wall Ashton Kutcher movies.
 
The whole issue of the moral/ethical delima seems to be key in the portrayals which seek to make the vampire an empathetic character as opposed to those which treat it as a monster.

Ann Rice's Interview with the Vampire pretty much defined the genre of the sympathetic vampire character...the innocent victim condemned, through no fault of his own, to need living blood to survive throughout eternity.

And how does he/she deal with that need while still upholding the morals/ethics of the human he/she once was? (preying on animals and criminals and the already dying, etc...)

The old world vampire was simply EVIL and could give a shit about morals or ethics..it took what it needed/wanted without remorse. This version is still being presented alongside the new touchy-feely version, and I think BOTH have a place.

Like Frankenstein's monster, who was a helpless victim and very sympathetic despite his hideousness, the lovable vampire raises these same issues of science vs nature, discrimination, and gray areas of morality.

The evil vampire allows a cathartic release of our collective fears and anger by providing a definitively EVIL character we can vent our revenge upon with no moral/ethical qualms.

I like both versions, myself, but draw the line at the Twilight bunch. Ick, ewww, TOOOOO sweet and swarmy for MY blood! :p

As for vamps gettin' it on, well, the whole legend is, imo, firmly rooted in penetration and blood (sex). Can be VERY hot, but then again, they ARE dead, so if you stop to think about it too much...EWWWW!
 
Alice The Goon said:
Haha, uh yeah, no. Now the goths have found a place to fit in and be popular, since everyone's into it. They will keep it popular for a long time, I fear. The demographic- tweens and teens with black nailpolish, lipstick, and hair- is not going anywhere any time soon.
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Everyone I know who is into True Blood and the other vampire series is a middle-aged soccer mom or similar. I'm sure this is partially a function of the fact that these days I know a lot more middle-aged soccer moms than gothy teens, but I'm saying, the demographic is a lot wider than what you describe.
 
Rigamarole said:
How so? They don't even feed on human blood. (and I'm ashamed to admit that I know enough about Twilight to know that what I'm saying is applicable only to the "good" vampires, but still)
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BigT already covered the "good vamps don't" theory, but I mostly find the differences between Edward and Angel amusing. Angel gets his blood from a butcher that he keeps in the fridge and drinks out of a travel mug like some kind of yuppie vampire latte. Edward kills a bear with his bare hands and drains it because he feels that if there's no challenge to the hunt (i.e., he could die if he fails), he doesn't deserve blood.

Which one's the sissy?
 
You know, this idea that being bitten by a vampire is all sexy and cool would go straight out the window in a flash of screaming agony if they really did have a bunch of razor sharp teeth slashing into their jugular.

It's really stupid "Oh, he's the ultimate bad boy*, but he won't hurt ME!**" lies and self-delusion.

* yup, a monster who kills people to live.
** and wants to make you into one of those monsters too. Or perhaps he's just playing with his food and will eat you later.
 
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