My boyfriend of two years is british and i am american. we have both come from extreme opposite families: his is very big, tight knit and loving, whereas mine is tiny and dysfunctional, my parents divorced when i was young and i was verbally/psychologically abused by my mother. despite the fact that we are dating long distance with visits every 4-6 months, we talk on skype every day and have a great relationship. we want to spend our lives together. like most couples we do have disagreements from time to time, but we deal with them pretty well. we never shout at each other and we're always able to work things out through talking. however, as we talk through these arguments there is a common theme i've been noticing once we get to the bottom of the issue: we look at each other and say, "what it all boils down to is that we were raised differently."
now in the time that we've been dating, i was at first enthusiastic about how loving his family was. i looked at how happy everyone in his family is and thought, "wow this is so much better than my family, this is how a family should be!" but as time has gone on, i have more and more found myself irritated with his family. they are just TOO tight knit and they love each other too much, i find it smothering. it's gross. and its actually developed into feelings of hatred, i loathe the idea that my kids would be so lovey dovey with their relatives, it's just not right. in my family we're all distant from each other, and i'm comfortable with distance between relatives, it seems unnatural to have such strong feelings of love for family members. and as i'm experiencing these feelings, i'm realizing it is probably culture shock, because i am irritable/hostile and i stereotype his family now, even though i actually like them when i talk with them one on one.
so i guess what i'm getting at is, this is the family of the man i love and want to spend the rest of my life with. but marrying him will also mean marrying his family, and right now that is quite an irritating thought. but are my thoughts and feelings right now just the culture shock? is this something that i will get over in time or am i always gonna have irrational feelings of hatred towards these people? i would like to be more accepting of them, i never was the type of person to stereotype others yet here i am doing it. but deep down when i look at them i think "ugh, i do NOT want to be like these people, they are so grossly smothering." Will i ever be ok with these people being my in-laws? what am i gonna do?
now in the time that we've been dating, i was at first enthusiastic about how loving his family was. i looked at how happy everyone in his family is and thought, "wow this is so much better than my family, this is how a family should be!" but as time has gone on, i have more and more found myself irritated with his family. they are just TOO tight knit and they love each other too much, i find it smothering. it's gross. and its actually developed into feelings of hatred, i loathe the idea that my kids would be so lovey dovey with their relatives, it's just not right. in my family we're all distant from each other, and i'm comfortable with distance between relatives, it seems unnatural to have such strong feelings of love for family members. and as i'm experiencing these feelings, i'm realizing it is probably culture shock, because i am irritable/hostile and i stereotype his family now, even though i actually like them when i talk with them one on one.
so i guess what i'm getting at is, this is the family of the man i love and want to spend the rest of my life with. but marrying him will also mean marrying his family, and right now that is quite an irritating thought. but are my thoughts and feelings right now just the culture shock? is this something that i will get over in time or am i always gonna have irrational feelings of hatred towards these people? i would like to be more accepting of them, i never was the type of person to stereotype others yet here i am doing it. but deep down when i look at them i think "ugh, i do NOT want to be like these people, they are so grossly smothering." Will i ever be ok with these people being my in-laws? what am i gonna do?