culture clash-my boyfreind wants me to say yes to everything...?

N

nyc independant woman

New member
most importantly, we love each other and we can't stand to be apart. but he is from El Salvador and I am American born of Colombian parents. I'll get straight to the point.. He asks why cant i just say yes to his demands or comments. He believes that mopping, cleaning the house, doing laundry, doing dishes and buying groceries for fam is a "woman's" job. He helps me financially but has a problem helping me physically. I do have physical limitations because i have a back problem. But i try hard to do what i can. He doesn't like that i am opinionated. We constantly bicker. But we do love each other. Its almost as if we can't get along unless we are quiet. Not sure whether i should seek counceling for us, walk away or give him the unopinionated womam he seeks for a week and see what his response will be. He is 26 and i am 34, yet it feels like he lives in the 1940's and i am in 2009. any advice?
 
Your the older one getting bossed around huh? well his culture seeks women that way, you need to tell him were not in his country and in america women do not have to do all the house work. You can fall in love again, I wouldn't get stuck in a relationship where all do is fight because you wont play the role of cinderella. Tell him he found the wrong girl. Unless you want to do everything.
 
Your the older one getting bossed around huh? well his culture seeks women that way, you need to tell him were not in his country and in america women do not have to do all the house work. You can fall in love again, I wouldn't get stuck in a relationship where all do is fight because you wont play the role of cinderella. Tell him he found the wrong girl. Unless you want to do everything.
 
you need to tell him you dont like being treated like a kitchen maid and that this is badly affecting the relationship.
 
It sounds like he doesn't respect you for who you are. I think counseling would be a good idea, to see if this relationship is healthy for the both of you.
 
It's typical of the culture.

In many hispanic cultures, men are raised to uphold that patriarchal, machismo idea of what the gender differences "should be" between men and women.

I don't see this changing anytime soon unless you get him into a sociology of sexuality and gender class, or maybe cultural anthropology. That..or counseling of course.

Because I mean, this is probably the way he's been brought up his ENTIRE life. It's what his dad did, his grandpa did, his great-granddad did. To break that kind of mindset takes a LOT of work. And if BOTH of you aren't willing to invest in changing that behavior, you're only going to end up with a lot of resentment.
 
oh my god i am in the exact same situation with my mexican boyfriend, and i also have physical limitations due to my back and my heart. I usually dont mind cleaning up after him but sometimes its ridiculous, like not flushing the toliet or just leaving all the dairy products that he got out instead of putting them back in. Its obvious these men had their moms do everything for them growing up and it has really crippled them.
 
Yes give him what he wants for 5 days and see what it does for you all or you can give him some mouth service as soon as he starts up.
 
hmmmm

well, his attitudes are deep rooted in his culture, in fact, most latino men are this way - at least to an extent.

you can't change him. either deal with it, or leave. he will not change for you, or anyone.

i have seen this same scenario played out over and over again many times.
 
i'm sorry but its not going to work out. You are from 2 very different cultures. his country believe women should have a say in nothing and have lots of kids and look after the man. Do you really want to be married to man who wants you to be shut up all day and have no opinion?? even for his culture he does sound arrogant.

You should dump this guy now instead of later when it will hurt more, unless he will change his entire look on life...
 
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