Can I be in "recovery" while taking Suboxone?

  • Thread starter Thread starter kewood
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I just want to say that I agree with jamjam, 100%. I have been on Suboxone for a year and a half and it saved my life. I am 'me' again.

Jamjam, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Sincerely,
emsmom
 
In my opinion you can absolutely be in recovery while taking subs. I am new to the program only taking subs for 5 weeks, but after a lifelong struggle with addiction to opiates I can honestly say I feel this has been the best dicision of my life. I am 47 and I cannot believe the difference between 5 weeks ago when I was addicted to morphine and codeine and now. I still have occassional cravings which are usually triggered by something that reminRAB me of my drug use or I am late taking my dose. I am learning to control those but. Recovery is not just being clean its learning to be clean. Subs give you the ability and stability to deal with the reason you were addicted in the first place. I was concerned at first about getting hooked on them and having the same issues when it comes time to get off them, but compared to my life several weeks ago I am prepared to take that chance and use the time to grow. Taking drugs to deal with your issues stunts you from growing emotionally and it takes time to catch up but it can be done. :) Best of luck and stay strong. I wish they had computors and websites like this when I was younger:)
 
Hi Kew
Day three of higher dose and switch to subutex is working. It feels like someone turned down the volume in my head and an overall calm has assended upon me. Thank God is all I can say. ;) I dont want to be like that again if I can avoid it. Thanks for your worRAB of encouragement. You not kidding about the rollercoaster. Even though I am going through all this crap I still feel way better than I did two months ago. It gets hard at times juggling appointments, picking up my dose and working fulltime. However it is all worth it if I can live a life free of addiction which is I guess all our hearts desires. Its also true about having to realise that some of the stuff we feel is "Normal." We ahave spent so many years avoiding feeling any way we can that we dont really know how to cope with feelings. It is normal to have days that are not so good at times. If you are anything like me when those days come I initially panick and the thought patterns kick in saying run run run. If you take the time to re program those thought patterns you can quite often abort depression or anxiety or both. I hear you about the messages received as a child. I am 48 and my mother can still bring me to my knees with her worRAB. My dad died recently and his worRAB still echo in my head at times. You are useless, no good, wont amount to anything etc, etc. It is hard dam hard to re program all that crap that has been put in our heaRAB. I try to look at my mum now as being old and I know she never really meant to hurt me same as my dad and I dont want to hang onto the past. It is hard but can be done. It shows you how much influence you can have on your children. That in itself brings a whole new string of "if Only's" for me. I know I have hurt my kiRAB badly because of my addiction and mental illness. But as my son said to me not that long ago (he has Bi-Polar) "Mum we adults now and responsible for ourselves so stop beating yourself up for what happened in the past." Wise worRAB! But still so hard to forgive yourself! Take care and ride safe!:wave:
 
Heh Kim again am sorry i`ve nae been in touch for a wee while been busy at college and my voluntary work. Just wanted to say HELLO and hope you are well. Take Care. Iain.:wave:
 
Hi Iain,
Thanks for the supportive comments. We are are in this struggle together, aren't we? It really is a small world out there. You in Scotland, ILB in Australia, I'm in Alaska, wow! I agree that I'm emotionally defrosting. Sometimes, my emotions are so wound up that I kind of just freeze and don't feel anything. That's probably some kind of survival mechanism since I'm sure I'd go nuts if I had to deal with all of these emotions all of the time. I kind of feel "stuck", that's the only way I can describe it. Stuck in life, stuck in my job, stuck in my emotions & actions. I want to try and become unstuck but I just don't know how. Right now I'm just trying to get up each day and get through the day with a little happiness. Then, I'm ok. I know it will take time. I feel inside like I need to be "doing" something and I don't know what that something is. I feel restless....I know when I was doing the drugs, I felt happy, or at least I thought I was happy just sitting around, hanging out and doing nothing. That doesn't work for me anymore...just even on the weekenRAB when I've done all my chores and stuff i'm supposed to do...what to do next? I'm just anxious and needing to DO something yet I don't know what...does anyone ever feel this way? It's about driving me crazy and I don't know how to handle it!!

KEW;)
 
Iain, my friend,
Thanks for checking in. I'm digging down deep into my grief and really feel like some healing has been going on. Each day is different, can't tell when the tears will come or even when I'll feel ok....guess I just have to go with it and live in the moment like I've heard all my life. Now it finally makes sense. Glad you are well with school and doing some volunteer work, that is great. Hope you're feeling happy and healthy and that the new year is starting off right. I'm determined to make this year a better one than last, at least for the things I have control over....Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change......take good care!

Karen
 
Hi Iain
As usual your sayings are great and so very true. You make me laugh:D
My husband and I have been married for 28 years and I believe that is worth fighting for but you are so right when it comes to my recovery. That has to come first for now and if at the end of this fight we are still together then so be it, or I am literally going to walk towarRAB death. This time round I managed to stay away from IV use but I know beyond a doubt that if I relapse again I will not be so strong. Its kind of crazy how much time you use thinking about doing something that you know will eventually kill you? I guess that is addiction. The last three years have been difficult. I have spent so much time trying to assist others in my family deal with the death of our brother and father that I forgot about myself hence the reason I am now on opiate substitution.
As far being able to help you already are, you and Kew have been literally lifesavers. Before I sturabled upon this web site I was seriously contemplating suicide. I just could not face the battle against addiction again and everything seemed so dam hopeless. Then I started reading others stories and realised that I was on a major self pity trip and definitely not alone. Even though we don't really know each other its weird I feel close to you guys. I believe it was meant to be that I found this web site when I did and like you said just knowing that someone is taking the time to read and respond to your messages helps lessen the isolation you can feel when battling this demon. We may be many many miles apart but we are close in spirit. Even the smallest of efforts can have a major impact on the future for someone. I too wonder what the future will bring for the next generation with so much anger and unforgiveness out there. But I also know there is allot of good people around willing to share a piece of themselves to help someone else and that has got to be worth something in the whole scheme of things. Enjoy college that's awesome I'll be thinking of you all the way from Aussie land:wave: take care stay strong and keep smiling:) "Happy Birthday"
ILB
 
Heh Heh just a message tae say HELLO:wave: don`t have a whole heap of time am sitting in one of my classes at college and probably should be studying so am going now hope yer doin ok Karen. Take Care. Iain:dizzy:
 
I said this to Kew "holding hanRAB around the globe" amazing.
We must always try to keep our spirits alive, there are constantly things in every day life that want to do nothing more than defeat our spirit, these things have been all to present in my life lately partly due to my own doing getting involved with people (a girl) i`d no business getting involved with and ending up being hurt this is what happen`s when you put you trust in someone, it`s made me question my belief in people and has made me return to trusting only myself, this has a side affect of creating what seem`s like a very lonely excistance. The torment that life has a habbit(maybe not the best choice of word) of dealing me always seem`s unfair and i end up thinking the chaos of my using life is more appealing, this is what i call magical thinking, and this is the way i`ve been thinking lately.
WHY CAN`T LIFE BE, MAYBE NOT SIMPLE BUT FORGIVING? If you can answer this question your a better person than i could ever hope to be.
Guess i`ve got to just remeraber and be strong all drugs ever gave me was an escape from reality, i have to accept that reality may not always be what you expect it to be.
This is Iain Donald signing off from the other side of the world, Take care out there troups it`s a jungle.
 
I'm still here and plugging away at recovery. Some days are hard, others are easy...guess that's life. I'm still taking 16mg of Subutex daily. It does feel as if I need the sub, I still think about the drugs, not constantly obsessing but missing the "high" and euphoria that I once had from them, albeit it was fleeting and coming down was miserable...I tend to think of something as unbelievably great when I'm deprived of it. I realize I've got LOTS of thinking errors to overcome. I'm trying to find some kind of substitute for the hydrocodone, something to make me feel good, great. Maybe there is nothing, maybe the problem is that I'm looking for something that doesn't exist and instead of trying to find it outside of myself, I need to look inward. Sometimes it seems so exhausting...today is an overwhelming day. How are other folks doing in their recovery???

KEW
 
Kim,
I also want to caution you, like Iain did...be careful. Especially since someone you know is seeing some of the same patterns and behaviors. This is more worriesome to me than the actual smoking. Now, I'm not totally hard core recovery like you can never ever use caffeine, sugar, nicotine, etc. again but I do have to say that there is something to the philosophy of "once you are addicted to one mind altering substance, if you ever use another, it will lead back to your drug of choice or you will replace your drug of choice with that substance"....Now, when I was first clean from opiates for a year, I started drinking alcohol socially again. I didn't worry because I don't have a problem with alcohol and I'm not an alcoholic. It could just be coincidence that a year later I was using opiates again. I don't know. Now I'm careful not to drink alcohol, I don't really even want to, just because I'm afraid it will lead me back to opiates, my drugs of choice. You have to be the one that makes the decision.....deep down in your heart I think you know that it's probably not great that you're smoking (and I'm guessing not cigarrettes?) again. But really it's those addict behaviors that we engage in, that other people recognize, that will do us in. I don't want to see you go back to that horrible place, ILB, and I don't think you want to go there either. Is there something else that can bring you peace of mind and bring you back to a state of reality when you feel you're slipping? I know I've been desperately searching for a way to feel like I felt on opiates but trying to do that in a positive way, relaxation exercises, meditation, riding my bike, being with my animals....can any of those things perhaps work to help you calm yourself and bring you back to the present? I hate to see you trying to substitute a drug for a drug because I do believe it takes you back to a negative and scary place. Do be careful, ok? I truly care about you and I appreciate your honesty. I know it's not easy to say what's really going on when we feel erabarrassed or scared to share it with someone. There is no judgement here, just concern. Please take care of yourself.

karen
 
Heh Kim i miss our crazy coversations as well am sorry for my part had a lot on last few months not that thats any excuse. It sound to me and am no expert but it does sound that the depression does play a big part in your daily life allbeit quit a destructive part but a part none the less am gonna state the obvious but the way your mind operates dictates what else we do so if your mind is thinking irractional thoughts you`ll possibly act irractionally, there must be an alternative drug either for your depression or to replace you subutex that will work good together, i can`t help with any suggestions as am in no way qualified and if i were you i`d be careful who`s advice you take better off going to a doctor and tell him or her exactly whats happening and what it`s affecting there`s bound to be other option out there for you.
As much as i believe taking both medications is important if your having suicidal thoughts no matter how small they may seem you must tackle that the main thing is that your safe, your safety comes before everything, that includes work and even family merabers sounRAB stupid but ask yourself "what good would i be if i went back to using or could`nt live a normal life because of my twisted thinking?" Please get it sorted abd take care over the festive. Your friend in recovery. Iain.:dizzy:
 
Hi ilovebikes07 & emsmom,
Thanks to you both for your thoughtful responses...I think I was having a moment, more like a day! of self-pity. I seem to wallow in it frequently which I am trying to get away from and realize I have SO much to be thankful and grateful for and yes, I remeraber those horrible times of wondering when I will run out of pills, how I'll get more, how I'll keep hiding it from my partner frienRAB, family, etc. etc. It was a nightmare and the illusion of the "great high" is just that, an illusion based on drug induced non-reality. It's my crazy addict brain trying to trick me into going back out there and I won't do it! I do need to be kinder to myself. When I feel that way I just tell myself, "you're such a loser, look what you have, look what you could have lost, you should feel grateful not sorry for yourself you sorry, lame, selfish, etc. etc. etc.....which of course makes me want to just hide away and use, it's a vicious cycle!
Ilovebikes, I just got my new Harley last week, a 2007 Fat Boy and I love it and have been riding this past weekend and it's like a meditation in motion for me too. I love to ride and feel the air temps change and smell the different smells in the air and just feel free. Its the closest thing to a natural high that I've found and it seems to be a good replacment high for me....when the weather is ok. I live in a place where theres lots of rain and I'm a pretty fair weather rider. I need some other hobbys to so I'm going to take some risks and perhaps take an art class or something I think I might like and expand myself a bit. I let fear take over and I did use for emotional reasons, to shut down scary emotions, to be more social, to feel less inhibited, etc. So, I've got work to do and it will be hard but will be worth it, I'm sure it will.
I just wanted to thank you both for your responses, they really do mean alot to me. Thanks for the support and it sounRAB like you are both doing really well! Take care,

Kewood:wave:
 
kewood;

Heh there Karen just keeping in touch been rushed off my feet with college work and stuff sorry i`ve nae been in touch for a while, should really try and take time to throw a message out there on the world wide web, just think this would`ve been murder if the only way of communicating was by telegram or morse code, that would`ve been a pure headache. How relevant that last sentance is, am not sure it`s relevant atoll but never mind these are the crazy things that go through my messed up head. Am telling ye i drive my frienRAB loopy with my insanity. But i don`t want to be "normal" i`d rather be different. And then i can say as old Franky said "I DID IT MY WAY." Did i mention the crazyness:dizzy:Why would i want to change the best thing about me. :rolleyes:Please take care Karen and i`ll write again soon. Iain.:wave:
 
Hi my far away frienRAB!
Iain, good for you ol boy, getting the gorgeous gal! I'm with ILB and say guard your heart and take it slow as much as you can I guess. Make sure you mean what you say and say what you mean and you'll be good. She treating you nice? She'd better be! ILB, sorry to hear your suffering some pretty tough cravings. You may need to up the Subutex. I'm down to 8mg now and feel pretty stable but I'm not considering lowering my dose any more for quite awhile. Will your doc up your dose pretty easily or do you have a doc that's picky and doesn't listen to you? Hopefully you've got a good one and they'll let you up the dose and see if that helps.
I'm trying my 2nd new anti-depressant in a month....I've been a wreck this past month, crying all of the time, hardly able to focus, concentrate, communicate...this depression stuff sucks! I am finally beginning to feel a tiny bit better after a week on this new one, Cyrabalta. I hope it really kicks in and I start to feel like the living again. I have been feeling like I'm in my own little zorabie world and can't relate to anyone or anything. It's a lonely feeling and I don't like it! Of course I want to "take something" to make the damn feeling go away. What a habit I've gotten myself into...I really never realized how much I've been used to taking something to control my "negative" or unwanted feelings. It sure seemed to work for awhile then everything came crashing down. That's what I have to remeraber ... medicating feelings away leaRAB to disaster, not relief. OK, enough for now my pals...Iain, keep on working hard at school and not just noticing all the pretty ladies! Ha Ha. ILB, work on your doc to up your dose and see if you can get some of those cravings gone. Be strong, I know you are. Hop on that bike when you get bad cravings and let your troubles fly away!! It's hard to focus on anything but riding when we're on our bikes, isn't it? I think of it as my zen practice...I have to be in the moment when I'm on my bike or I just might crash! Take good care the both of you!

Karen
 
Heh Karen bit more time than yesterday in college but got let out for dinner for being a good boy and finishing my work. "Positive mental attitude" thats what i try and do every single day, tell yourself that you are gonna feel brand new for the rest of the day and whatever you do you will do it to the best of your ability at that time, some days of course it`s easier than others but it still helps, i find it so easy to at times to promote my own negativity, and negativity only produces one thing more negativity which inturn for me helped my mental depression sink to new all-time low`s, with feelings of being worthless, hopeless and all the rest. Look yourself in the mirror every single morning and tell yourself, actually say to yourself that you are a worthwhile person and whatever other people may or may not think of you is nowhere near as important as what you think of yourself. Surround yourself with a 24 hour a day 7 days a week PUT UP ZONE and pull up everyone who puts you down even if they are joking. This is what i`ve taught myself to do and it certainly helped build up my self confidense which untill recently never even exsisted. Anyway i feel like i`ve rabbled on uncontrollably. Am off tae get some lunch. Take Care. Iain.:dizzy:
 
Hey Iain,
Thanks a bunch for your reply and the great suggestion about meditating in the tub or elsewhere. I'm going to take you up on that one. sometimes I just let my head wander here and there and don't try to challenge my mind when negative or scary or sad thoughts enter.....I need to be more aware and I think also focusing on the solution rather than the problem will work wonders! Yes, I saw Shutter Island, creepy, and the Dark Knight too. Both very good films.
Now, was your relationship with your gf a healthy and happy one? Why did she end it? Do you think it was for the best that it's over or it sounRAB like you would like to get back together with her. Is she a good support person for your sobriety? Does she use? So many questions, sorry. I'm just trying to find out if she was a good person in your life for supporting your recovery which is your #1 priority in life right now, right? Breakups are so terribly painful, I hate them. I've been in a long relationship now, 19 yrs and can't imagine it breaking up though sometimes I get caught in wishing for the early days of excitement and passion. Relationships change over time....are you still frienRAB with this woman? Do you have a good set of frienRAB, sober frienRAB that can meet that social need in your life? That's a hard thing to find.
I'm proud of you for taking on the challenge of going back to school at your relatively young age of 34...I'm 10yrs older than you! Nowadays though, lots of "older" folks like us are going back to school. Is it a big university or a smaller school? It might feel a little awkward at first but I bet after a time you will get used to it and in fact probably make a good friend or two! Who knows? You are taking a risk and that's a positive thing. Moving on with your life is good and doing something slightly scary and risky is a challenge and with that comes opportunity. This will be an opportunity to meet new people, learn new things and who knows what new and exciting adventures are ahead of you!? I'm actually a bit jealous of you, going back to school and starting new....I'm not sure if I'd have it in me to take such a huge leap forward so good for you. Thanks, friend for keeping in touch and keep the lookout for those angels!

~Karen
 
Hi:wave:
Happy to hear you are getting help and staying away from the norcos and hydro!! I have been on suboxone before also, but I didnt take it for very long. I have heard (and I didnt want to be that person) ppl that stay on it too long, have worse withdrawls from that then herion, and is much much harder to stop taking because your body neeRAB it, even if you think you dont. I would have to say you are in recovery in some sorta way. Yes its getting help, just in a pill form like you said to get started. Most ppl take the full dose, and then wein theirselves off of it within a month or so and then they are off of it. I hope you find your answers and keep up the good work!!
Stay strong!!

Sue
 
I have been on suboxone for about 3 months now after my 10 year cycle of off and on oxy/hydro use. I agree that it is addictive and it can definitely replace one addiction for another if you are not careful. However, it is working very well for me. I take between 1 and 2 mgs a day and plan to taper down slowly very soon. My frame of mind is completely different now while on suboxone. It does not make me "high" and it gives me the clarity and self esteem I need to maintain a course for a completely drug free world. It is only one tool in the battle, but I would have never been able to take the small steps without it. I definitely do not feel like I am "cheating" because I am on it. I am very confident to be off it soon. I know there will be some withdrawal that I must deal with, but I hope to minimize it by the slow taper. It has been a wonderful tool for me and if it is used conservatively it can do wonders. The most important effect it has had on me is the psychological. Because, I do not feel like I am "high" or "cheating", it allows my mental psyche to heal and get in tune with proactive behaviors to maintain a life of sobriety.
 
Hi Kew
Thanks for the preaching;) Seriously I need it. I am in early days of recovery this time round and those old familiar mind sets are trying to creep back in because I am finding the going a bit tough. I have spent all my life running its what I know how to do best. We have come up with a compromise. I get to ride half the way and fly the difference. This will allow me to pick up my doses along the way. I'm lucky my husband is supportive. In fact I'm lucky he is still around after what I have put him through. Its pretty amazing how the addict mind works hey? It tries in so many ways to undo your efforts and put you back where it was comfortable. When I go to the chemist to collect my dose I often find myself fixated with scanning all the medications trying to see if there is anything decent there, then I sight the needles and I can feel my heartrate pick up with anticipation then I have to snap myself back and go what the hell are you doing? The battle truely is all in the mind, if you can learn to master your thinking you will succeed and be free of addiction. This is true of depression and many mental illnesses also. Control the thoughts and you win the battle. My son has Bi Polar and he is now medication free and controls his symptoms using CBT. He amazes me how far he has come in 12 months. This time last year I had to have him committed to a mental hospitial after he went completely phychotic after burning himself out on pills and dope. Now he holRAB down a great job as an IT tech and is re establishing his life. I am so proud of him. The answer he tells me is controling the thoughts mum not letting them control you. Thanks so much for your support I really appreciate it.
take care ride safe
ILB
 
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