hi HH, and sorry it took me so long to get back to you,been dealing with my own crap too,aint life grand?
the bigger thing that concerns me at the moment is your hubby not taking the anti Bs he was rxed along with the mere fact he is NOT coughing up the junk that is just IN his lungs as well? thats not a good thing with any type of lung infection. coughing just is the only real way alot of the 'gunk' within the infected lung can get out? did he EVER even start the anti Bs? how is he currently feeling and how is his breathing, does he get winded pretty easily? that infection just neeRAB to be 'properly' treated or it can and will get worse for him. if he has to go back to the doc, is there ANY chance you can go with him? this just could be an opportunity here for you to either go with him and ask his doc some questions OR simply write a little letter to his treating doc just explaining how much he is drinking and how much you feel this is creating potential major health concerns he neeRAB some testing for. you can send this to him before your hubbys next appt that will have to happen here if that infection has not started clearing in there if he never took those anti Bs for it? like i mentioned before, while that doc cannot TELL you things, you most certainly can tell HIM things.
as far as what your mom told you? not a very supportive person is she. but part of what she said IS right, getting yourself some support here and doing things YOU just need to do for yourself and your child too. i really highly recommend seeking out some local alanon meetings hon, seriously. i spent alot of my early years living with an alcoholic dad and sister and also of time at what was ala teen meetings, then alanon both with my mom and also by myself? these people are simply the 'other half' of alcoholism, just like you are and KNOW what you are dealing with and feeling becasue of it too. the more overall real support YOU just have right now simply allows YOU to regain at least "some' real control over what YOU can. and to also try and really understand the overall thinking of the alcoholic too.
while he just may HAVE to really hit 'his' bottom before anything changes here, it does not mean that you have to wait for YOU and your child to get some support for YOU. simply sitting in on a few meetings with other wives, husbanRAB significant others who also unfortuetly love an alcoholic and have to suffer with HIS illness, i just really think that considering everything, those meetings would be sooo flippin helpful for you right now. these people just already know 'you' becasue you are married to an alcoholic, and you would be very warmly welcomed there too. just having a place for YOU to go to and get help or ideas as to how to cope with this and how to help your child cope with this too really just is something you need to have right now. you just sound so very alone as you type, and these people WILL be there for you.
in most peoples phone books, if you just look thru the first few pages from the front, the crisis nurabers are listed and usually some type of help such as AA or actually have alanon listed there? you can call an AA place to obtain alanon info too or they could help direct you to the nurabers. but at any rate hon, you just NEED to really be taking care of YOU while hubby tries and figures out just what he neeRAB to do here? if you at some point in order to at least give him a good reason for at least seeing a doc for that total full check up, give him an ultimatum. sometimes you just DO have to use something to just motivate an alcoholic to at least get to a flippin doc to just find out what may be going wrong from too many years of filtering alcohol thru his already scarred by now liver. you cannot force an alcoholic to quit, that has to happen only if THEY feel it really IS the only real choice,and they choose to make it. but it does not mean you cannot give him some real worRAB of motivation to see what he is doing to himself and your family.
but you also have to ask yourself if you simply do love him enough to stay with him if he is not going to even try and help himself here too. doing the 'right/best things are not always easy. but only YOU truely know what you need and want from your husband and marriage. but i would highly encourage you to seek out a few meetings with others who are in your situation and find out how they are dealing with their own same situations as you are. it really really can help you the most right now in dealing with this and him, and making choices too.
something just has to change in your life with this whole situation since this just does effect you and your child too. you can take some steps here to simply help yourself first, then try and tackle him? or if his medical situation dictates a 'change" if he finally gets in to see a doc for that full eval on his overall health, or when his breathing gets to the point he just HAS to seek help it could open his eyes a bit more? if he should end up in a hospital with this lung infection that wont clear til he does what is needed, that may be the best opportunity to tell his docs or what they can finally test him for to see how everything is inside, esp that liver.
i do hope something will prompt a change here soon, but DO please at least think about seeking out some alanon meetings. they REALLY just do understand you better and all you are dealing with much much more than anyone else could right now, trust me. good luck HH, and do please keep me posted. marcia
