5 days With no Hydro

  • Thread starter Thread starter Julie Lawrence
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Brian...thanks for the knowledge and insight. I guess my thoughts have been that once the drugs are out of my body...my body would act normally. I am going to do some research (which I have been telling myself to do) on the chemical effects and all that internal stuff. Knowledge is my power right now. It's the unknown that makes me sometimes feel powerless. :)

I will find me some Vitamins. I know I need some. I don't have a very good diet, as in... I don't generally eat meat and veggies aren't my thing either. :eek: But I do watch what I eat...I am not a junk food junkie...I try to be healthy as I can.

Exercise - good...sleep - good...sun - good (tanning bed addict also...haha) so I guess maybe if I work on my diet and Vitamins, maybe that will make a difference.

Thanks again...gonna go research that 1 year thing you mentioned. Oh my! :dizzy:

:wave:
 
Julie...I remeraber Day 6 was a super super day for me too! Odd. Unfortunately since then, things have been just ok. I want that feeling back! :(

You talked about your grey face...I felt like mine was so grey too for about a week. I have been using cold spoons on my eyes to help circulation for the dark circles and it works AND the sensation it leaves for about 5 minutes after, is a little piece of heaven and so very rejuvenating. I love it! :)

I am glad to see you are feeling so well and doing so well mentally too! I am happy, happy to hear it! Stay focused. :angel:

:wave:
 
GonnaRecover,

My grandmother died with heart related issues, but a very long,(possibly decades) history of pain medication abuse (medically necessary) likely attributed to her death.

Poor dear, was a nurse, thus, her ability to attain such medication was made all the more easy. I have seen her entire life taken up and away by her opioid addiction. :(

I remeraber, from my childhood, her running out of medication and having to go to the hospital for injections.

I could not see this life for myself. The pain is returning, but not having to work, at present, is helping a lot! I am not sure, If I were still working in that position (dental assistant) that I could undertake this task.

How is day 10 (if I am correct)going for you? I am still eating soup, but I am starting to have a taste for things again, perhaps I'll give something more solid a go.

I have heard of a drug called "Suboxone" that could help. Just throwing that out there, you have probably already heard of it. You sound like you are pretty much through it though.

Chin up....almost over.:D

Happier days,
Julie
 
Manthathurt...I related to so many things you wrote...thank you, thank you, and thank you for sharing your story and your insights. It was just what I needed to hear...you were so right about losing that sense of normality while on drugs. I always just told myself that I was normal. Ummm...no it's not normal to worry about when your next high will be all the time. I have lost this worrying...I don't think of it anymore. I realize it's not coming. And I loved the thought - "emerged a better person with a different appreciation for life and my priorities are much more aligned with who I want to be and not guided so much by what I wanted to achieve - an important distinction." I have been thinking like this...haven't gotten far in thought but it's crossed my mind...this concept that is. I am aware though and will figure it out. Thanks again! :)
 
I never believed I would find the courage to get thru this...til I said it and tried it and failed and failed (20 times?) and then I just knew...I gotta REALLY try...go thru the pain...cuz I know life is good without it. The first 2 days, plus many other moments, were so excruitiating that I wasn't so sure how long I could really do it. But here I am...Night #7 and I feel like my life hasn't been this good in over 2 years and I really, TRULY do feel on top of the world and as if I can do anything. I am so excited. I won't go back. I can't now. XX (thats me crossing my fingers and toes.) The pain is gone and I have seen the light. :angel:

You are gonna do it...I know it. You are here, as I am, reading, expressing yourself and learning. You want it and you know life can be better. And I will be here hoping and praying for you. Thank you for being here with me howcouldiknow...the time you have taken to respond to me has meant so so much....you really have no idea.

Now I may add...I am still scared a little...scared something could make it all come crashing back down on me...but I am trying to relearn myself and realize the reasons I was taking...like, the real reasons. What made me so addicted? Why did I let myself get involved with it? What was I thinking? I still don't really know...I am still cloudy but that's ok...I will get there and go thru those pains (what I think of as the real pain yet to come)...but without a pill. :) XX

:wave:
 
Howcouldiknow...the shopping was so very hard...pain, agitation, cold sweats, plus our temp here was at 110 degrees that day...thought I was gonna die...really. She knew something was wrong...I just remained calm and told her I was coming down with something. I do remeraber her "thank you so much mommy" and her "i love you." She seemed so VERY sincere.

My sleeping arrangements are awful. Now on night 2 I did decide to go stay with a boyfriend to take my mind off of it and it helped with the mental part of the withdrawal. I had the worst night that night....MAJOR cold sweats, tossed and turned and never fell asleep. He had no idea what was going on with me but questioned it. I just said I must be getting sick. Wednesday night I was so exhausted from not sleeping Tuesday...I did pass out at 7 pm and slept til 5 am. Thursday, Friday and Saturday...I am up and down, in and out of bed, flipping, in and out of covers, and willing my eyes to stay closed and remain still so I can fall asleep. Not getting too many hours of sleep a night. The unrest is making me nutty. You see, although when I had my pill I was Hyper...when I needed to sleep, I could. But this feeling of unrest is definitely different from my hyper feeling...the unrest hasn't really stopped. I am single so I have been going through the sleeplessness alone.

You're so very lucky to have your girlfrienRAB support. She is a prize! I think it sounRAB like you have the support you need to do what you gotta do. :)

I feel not so great this morning. Worst morning with aches and pains since day 2 or 3. Body is hurting. :( If I had a pill...I would pop it today...I know it. And that makes me feel sad because I have been doing so good mentally about not considering the pill too much the last couple days. I am a little emotional. Just feeling unworthy right now. I don't understand this feeling. I just really need a distraction today...I wanna feel excited like I used to feel all the time. If only something sounded worth my time and effort to do. Everything lately feels unworth my time and effort, although I am pushing. Thanks for listening.
 
GonnaRecover,

So glad to see you still fighting...and winning!
Takes so so so much strength to go cold-turkey and not cave in. You've made it so far. So proud of you!
 
I will... :)

I wish I could watch Joel everyday. Finding him and listening to him over this last year has really helped me open my mind up into believing I can do this. I am serious. He's so practical with his messages...I ALWAYS feel like he is talking directly to me...the 30 minute shows never seem long enough. Everyone should watch him. I am gonna go find a book of his tomorrow. Some inspirational reading is just what I need.

:)
 
Hi All....it's been a while...I believe it's been over 4 weeks now for me since I stopped taking lortabs. I think. :)

Things are good. Was on a 8 day vacation last week and it was so nice. Stayed busy and had lots of fun. I needed the break from reality.

No pain at all anymore. I do still sometimes get bored feeling. But I am doing better on the motivation feeling. Still not exactly how I wanna feel but I think I am getting there.

I have still been a little emotional here and there. But I think only out of confusion of what I am feeling or not feeling.

Just wanted to update and say hello. I am still moving forward. Life is good. :angel:

:wave:
 
Julie...it is empowering. It doesn't consume my every thought anymore. I love that! :angel:

On day 2, I was digging around in my drawer...LOL...looking for a pill...I remeraber the desperation and then, disappointment. By day 5 for me too...I wasn't too much concerned where and when I would find a pill. Good for you!

As far as your challenge...you know YOU best. What do you NEED? I think, from what it sounRAB like, that you know you don't NEED the meRAB(basing that off you practicing saying NO Thank You.) I am learning that drugs aren't the only things in life that reduces pain and makes us feel good. And also, I am trying to teach myself that there will be great days, good days, ok days, bad days and sad days. Not every day can be euphoric feeling....that's just real life. This is proving hard for my brain to understand...I still wanna just feel good all the time.

Keep pushing on. I am. :wave:
 
Thank you Julie, Secrets1983 and Howcouldiknow (;))!!!!! Your encouraging worRAB are SUPER for me!! Thanks for them. I guess I need to hear that stuff cuz it sure does make me feel good. :)

It's Day #16 ? Things are getting better by the day. Since Monday night I haven't really felt the frayed nerve endings. That's a nice relief. So no pain really or no nagging sensations. My back still hurts in AM but only for about 30 minutes or so. Guess cuz I am sleeping so hard and long. :D

I am starting to see things...meaning, the cloudiness isn't as prominant. I don't feel as lost.

So I am now changing my need from energy to motivation. I feel like I have the energy to do things the last couple of days...I don't feel weighted to the ground like I did. But now I realize it's the motivation that I lack. I just don't feel motivated to do much but am making myself do what neeRAB to be done. I can't wait til I no longer feel like I am lacking something in my life. This is confusing at times cuz it changes nearly daily. But things are better day after day. Really...they are!! :angel:

I am going to get OUT tonight with some girlfrienRAB. I need some excitement and fun. I have kept myself to myself alot compared to how I used to be while on drugs. This will be good for me. :)

So...I can't really find worRAB to express other things I wanna share right now. I guess they will come to me in time. Thanks for reading and keeping up with me. Ya'll are so very helpful...what you are doing here...giving worRAB of knowledge, experience, hope...is priceless. :)

:wave:
 
What about na meetings? I am interested in them because talking about this makes me feel so much better...the secret has been a heavy burden. I guess I fear seeing someone I know there and then they will know I have a problem too. I have always done everything to hide my addiction to everyone. I don't know...any thoughts on that thought?
 
Gonna

There are times when it gets really tough. Spells of fitfulness, agitation, pacing. Times of no energy, no will to do anything. Times we have to drtag up strength from the pits of our beings to continue on. HOWEVER, these are only perioRAB of times. They will pass. As we endure them, we keep uppermost in our minRAB that they WILL pass. Throughout my tapering, I was prone to crying jags that were exhausting. Oh my Lord, they were exhausting. I could not control them at all. I began at some point to understand that eventually they passed and that gave me some mental peace. All of the symptoms do have an end. All of the symptoms are not just symptoms of withdrawal, but of healing. When we can train our brain ( by constantly reminding it) that we are healing as we endure this, it becomes a much more endurable process.

My doctor gave me a mantra... "Every day I am getting better and stronger." Like a little kid reciting the times tables, I repeated this over and over to myself many times a day. Like the times tables, it eventually became irabedded in my mind and came to me when I needed it.

Many years ago as I underwent horrendous chemo for cancer, a nurse once said to me, "Sometimes we have to make you more sick in order to make you better." At the moment she said it, I thought, "Blah!" As I reflected on it, however, I saw the truth in it. Tapering is the same... sometimes we have to get more sick in order to get better. Every step we take in withdrawal is a step closer to making us well and whole again. I will not tell you that I rejoiced in every chemo treatment anymore than I rejoiced in every step of withdrawal. What I can tell you honestly, though, is that when I reached the point of recognizing withdrawal symptoms as healing symptoms, my walk became easier and felt more fruitful. I wanted to survive and this was the way to survival.... not only of my physical being, but my spiritual and emotional being also.

The time spent in withdrawal is but a tiny fraction of our lives as a whole. It pales in comparison to our whole life's span. The investment in it will bring us so many years ahead of calmness and happiness. We toil in it and then are able to reap the fruits of our labor... recovery and restoration. It is worth the price.

Hold on, be strong, be rewarded.
Hugs
reach
 
GonnaRecover
It is a cliche, but never the less true - You didn't become an addict in two weeks, it will take a bit of time to adjust to life without drugs. I hate to break it to you, but you will always be an addict, unfortunately that is part of who we are and that is tough to deal with on a personal level - I'm erabarrassed that I'm an addict - I haven't abused hydrocodone in a few years, but I still long to feel how I felt when I was on a good hydro high, you feel energetic, but mellow - confident, but not cocky - if we could only package that in a non addictive formula.

Luckily, you are getting past the stages where the physical affects of withdrawal are starting to dissipate, now you've got to deal with the psychological effects and those are a real bear. When we are in pain from withdrawals, it's easy to say that is natural, just grin and bear it and things will get better. The psychological effects are much more pervasive, it starts to enter your every thought, some of the pain that put you down the path of legitimate use may return, your body will feel drained - remeraber, pain is tiring and I'm sure that your sleeping is pretty poor right now - you may think you're doing okay, but you're not - try some Tylenol or Excedrin PM - it helps. If I remeraber, you're a mom as well - don't forget that being a mom is hard work, you should feel tired and there are days where you won't have energy - remeraber my reference to normality? Feeling tired is normal, the drugs we abused for years (at least for me) have a tendency to making you feel energetic all of the time - guess what, that's not normal!

It will take a while for your body chemistry to adjust, don't expect miracles and enjoy every day of sobriety - it's hard work and something in which you should take pride. What you are trying to achieve is hard - a very small percentage of people are successful in just getting to where you are right now and I can tell you from experience, at the end of the day, looking back on things - you will be proud of yourself - for what it's worth, I've been where you're at - wondering if I could just take one, knowing full well that one will turn into twenty - yeah I use to take up to twenty Norco's at a time - and even today, there are times where I think about how good it would feel just to pop a couple - I don't think that will ever go away, but talking about it with others who have been there makes you realize just how important our journey is and that journey will never end.

Good Luck and I'll keep checking back to see how your doing. Stay Strong.
 
2 Weeks TODAY!!!!! I haven't had any prescription pain meRAB. I lived. I have survived. I never could imagine those thoughts while I was taking. But here I am...2 Weeks of Victory and Surrender!!! :angel:

I am "over" the frayed nerve endings. It's unsettling...not painful...just a nagging sensation. I cannot sit or lay down to rest without this feeling overcoming my thoughts. I don't notice it as much and I am fine if I am active. But geeze...I wanna rest...like really relax. I wanna breathe relaxation. This, at this point, is the my only pain. :(

Now although I said what I said above...I do sleep at night...like a baby. When I have told myself it is ok to go on to sleep...I pass out within five minutes and sleep nearly 7-8 hours. This has been going on for several nights now. I am sleep resting. I am just in search of awake resting.

I have a feeling of weightedness. I just feel sunk to the ground all the time. Like Eeyore...haha...droopy and monotone. I feel like I am in constant search for a feel good, hyper feeling. Oh my...this is making me nuts. :eek:

I have a better than I wanna have appetite. I am having to count calories the last couple of days just so that I won't gain weight. It's like my body is starving.

So things seem ok. Still not satisfied with not having energy. And still in search to find it. Only I have a pre-requisite (sp?) for obtaining this energy...Legal and ethical/moral acts and products only. ;)

I am hoping to accomplish alot of backed up tasks this week. I really need to do them all...just stuff I have been putting off. I have a week of vacation next week and am excited about it, so I am going to focus on working hard this week so that when I get to next week...I am completely able to rest, relax and focus on me...well and plus, the kiRAB. :)

Insights/thoughts on when I will get some flippin energy? I am eating...I am sleeping...I am exercising...I am working...I am drug free...WHY AM I NOT FEELING ENERGETIC EVER IF I AM DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS FOR MYSELF?

:wave:
 
I will go read your thread. So sorry to hear...I know how disappointing that is when you really really wanna do it. Believe me...I know. Just pick back up and try again. Seriously...I messed up so many times...sooo soooo many times...I would be so darn mad at myself and would waste my high being ticked at myself. Just try to stay on track AGAIN.

My name...wow...Saturday, the day I signed up and created my name I think, is unmemorable to me. The only memories I have that day is here and on FB. :confused: Still so foggy in the head. But I guess I felt really determined at that moment. :)
 
AWESOME JOB!!!!!

Keep up the good hard work and you won't regret it!!!

GO GO GO GO GO!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!

KUP!
 
I read your post and you described ME to the T. Wow. I am on day 2 of cold turkey from 12 a day of norco. Oh God it is terrible. I'm glad I read your post because it gave me courage I can do this. My entire life was planned around norco. Anything I did I took norco. Life was soooo much more interesting and I had a lot more energy. I too, work out a lot. I've done 2 Ironman triathlons. To think back on my life before norco. I just hope I can return to that. How are you doing? Are you still off the pain meRAB?
 
My 9th day update...so I have been really busy the last few days. I have appreciated that. I worked out 4 hours on Monday, on Tuesday and today. Of course, after Mondays workout...I was hurting...Tuesday the entire day...I wanted to just fall out and die...and today was hideous until after the workout. So I have been experiencing some serious muscle pain...BUT...I haven't taken a pill and haven't really been thinking of them. :angel:

I have lost the "pill time" thinking. My goodness...I remeraber counting down the hours/minutes til I could let myself have another one...it was such a prominent thought in the forefront of my mind, ALWAYS. I love that I don't think like that anymore...that felt like being trapped in "hell with a high" sometimes. Oh and forget about if I didn't have them or was running low...I would completely be freaking out....wondering WHEN I would have them again?...how many extra minutes or hours was I going to have to wait? It was excrutiatingly painful to think like that ALL THE TIME. I do still think of the high a few times a day...but only think about what it would feel like...not where and when would I get it?

My body has felt awful the last few days but I am feeling MUCH better tonight. I have been eating the last 2 days but not too too much. I was a little agitated today but I am serious when I say I have been hurting. I think I deserved to be. ;)

But my spirits have been high...I have been finding things to be happy about and excusing myself temporarily for feeling any which way, at any given moment. I am just laying back until the fog passes. I will be resting tomorrow. I need it physically and emotionally and psychologically. Did I cover it all? Haha. :dizzy:

Thanks ya'll! :wave:
 
gonnarecover,

Your going to get OUT tonight!!!!! :) Wow haven't thought of that yet, aside from walking the beagle at 10PM. Have a wonderful, clean, time!:p

I am giong on a working interview tomorrow, I think. It is for the same type of position a have had to fall back on, since 1 year after "Katrina ate my site," and the system moved me to the most undesirable site imaginable. I was managing state parks, calm, enjoyable positions, until I resigned (from this site)due to PTSD caused by attempting to pump the life back in to the heart of a drown 5 year old.:( (The rath of Katrina, lasted a lot longer down here than most people think.)

Since Katrina, I have had to fall back to dental assisting, this job is a soul sucker!!!!:( Positions, such as these, come up often, (Hummm wonder why).:dizzy:

I am teetering on not going, just the idea of the work load and office atmosphere sets me into panic mode.:eek:

Why can't a nice management position rear it's glorious head? The longer I fall back on this, the further I fall from what I really want to do. Depression/anxiety/fear, are my companions today.:(

I know I could get by for at least 6 months, as my husband can carry us (bearly) financially. With hard economic time, come hard employment decisions.

At least right now, I have the option to choose.:)

I am really glad you are doing so well!:angel:

Once I get past this , I know I will be feeling emotionally better to.

Keep up the great work!!!!:D

Julie
 
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