wtf. i dunno.

F

falconman

New member
i don't know how to keep a convorsation going with this girl anymore. she has a boyfriend and whenever i talk to her, i just end up repeating myself and then she repeats me and i her and so forth. I have no idea why this is happening. could it be that she is just not interested or that i just have nothing to say. whatever it is i wanna know because i want to talk to her all the time but rarely do. If i speak to her on the internet i can talk to her for a long time, but if i call her it just seems like the convo goes me:"hi" her:"hi" Me:"whats up", Her:"whats up", her: "how are you", ME: "good, bored as usual" me:"how are you", her: "fine" and then maybe one or two questions we have asked each other before.
 
far as i can tell, it's just awkward. im assuming you like her... so my guess would either be she knows and thats why it's awkward, or she likes you but is shy and the boyfriend thing is why it's awkward. other than that, i dont know what to say. try being more confident? i don't know...

good luck
 
she is definetly open with me and i with her. no shyness. i could be more enthusiastic though i suppose. if that would enliven us to think or w/e ya know. this one is tricky

and yea, i think she knows i like her, i asked her out the day that she hooked up with this guy, but i don't know if she remembers. its has been i think 5 months or so.
 
ahh so sounds to me like the reason there's no converstion is because maybe she feels bad. keep in mind i am far from an expert. can only offer something to keep in mind.

what i think might help is to talk to her about why you two don't have much to say. like i said in the other post, maybe she likes you. just gotta get some confidence and talk to her about how you two dont talk much, or whatever. couldn't hurt. and if you think you're not being enthusiastic enough when you talk to her, that might help. it would show that you care enough about your friendship or whatever to talk about it. just gotta think before you speak. don't want it to come out wrong
 
i think you may have just solved my problem, seriously. Her boyfriend has a job at the local grocery store and works there nearly all the time. During football season she loves to watch the games as do I. I usually find her there, when im not playing and we talk, but when her boyfriend shows up she completely turns away. And i do understand why she would do that. so I think you may have stumbled across my answer somehow. wow. thats fucking amazing. thanx.

if anyone else has anything to contribute please do, more ideas makes more answers.
 
OR, you are on the friend shelf. She's got a boyfriend, she's probably not looking for another right now. Just approach her as a friend, that might be what she needs right now. Who knows, maybe she will decide later that you are the better of the two. Just don't pressure her into making a choice. I have had that happen to me in the past 3 years and it sucks. It's mean. Let her decide when she is ready.
 
i wasnt telling him to try to steal her or anything. just that one way or another, it would help to talk to her, show her that he cares about their relationship.. even if its only as far as a friendship :P
 
One thing i've found helps with conversation, if you really want to keep them going, is to keep an eye on current events or your local news. Pick an oddity that comes up and mention it to her. Or tell her about something you saw that day that made you think of her.

another thing that helps is asking questions. people love to talk about themselves and if you're like me, you like learning about people. just let the conversation roam wherever it wants to, don't try to steer it. keep it light and friendly unless it decides on its own to take a more serious path. maintain eye contact, and smile a lot when appropriate.

probably the most important is be friendly to him whenever he shows up. act like you're happy to see him, and happy to see them together. try to strike up conversations with him as much as her when you're all together. that may help alleviate some of the awkwardness(sp?) she feels when you're all hanging out together.
 
don't tell her you're "bored"!!!!! big mistake dude, this gives the impression that youre only talking to her as a last resort for finding something to do, doesn't show her that you are truly interested in talking to her. but instead telling her that "youre just a backup plan for when im bored". just be yourself, be confident, don't try to be anything your not. this generally results in a lot of bad things, trust me.
 
wrong. he could still tell her he was bored. but if he phrased it like... "was bored until you called" or something like that, then it'll be a good thing. its all in how you say it.
 
it's amazing what a simple set of words can do. you can say the exact same thing different ways and get completely different results. i like Quitii's suggestion on how to phrase boredom.

Another example would be:
"If you don't do this, you will fail" is better said "If you do this, you will succeed"

We learned in psych 101 that people tend to dwell on the positive or negative aspect of what is said, not the intent behind it.
 
it's not entirely "wrong". it all depends on opinion and what you think. they way he said it in his first post made it seem that he was bored and just talking to her cause he was bored. but on the other end youre right too, you could turn it into something like that and turn the meaning around entirely
 
well peoples, I talked to her last night and believe it or not we had a steady convorsation for 15 minutes which is not long but she was on the phone with someone else just before I called. I think what is taking place between the two of us revolves on both sides of the convo. Like, I should say something of interest and we should discuss it, and she should say something of interest and we should discuss it. That is how it happened really. And the whole bored thing. I don't think she takes it as herbeings my last resort. She knows me and knows that i really don't do anything other than play paintball, go to school, and talk to her. or generally that limited lifestyle for the time being.

another thing that i'm not sure that i mentioned is that i haven't spoken to her in close to 5 months so she is kinda of opening up to me again and i am opening up to her. or something like that, all over again.

all in all, i think what tostig said is a great idea. just let the convo flow and don't steer it.

and the others, also very good ideas.
 
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