Wrote a poem for my girlfriend.... Not used to writing poetry : /?

generous5

New member
Yeah.. so I've been going out with my girl for 2-4 weeks, and I really like her and wanna show her that I like her alot... I've never really writen poetry before, and i wanted to right something that shows her that I like her, and also is sexy and a turn on? Tell me wut you think, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY PLEASE:

The Sun Sets. People, moving, faster Faster FASTER! Two hard bodies slam into eachother. Faces smiling, people clapping their hands! His member, throbbing for a man's touch, or a female's vagina. Her breasts, throbbing to be tickled, twisted, carressed with love. There isn't much time now... The clock ticks. Tick. Tick. TICK! The wind carries me now, like a dream in a memory. My bed is lonely without you, if I can not make love to you I will die. My penis belongs between your legs, like a hermit crab belongs in a seashell. You are as beautiful to me as the sunset in a florida beach... I will never touch another woman, and you will NEVER touch another man. Eternity. Eternity. Eternity.

Fin
 
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