Wow, an automatic anxiety response

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I'm not sure what to think of this, but let me see if I can explain.

I do have anxiety problems...I'm always worrying about something. For the past few months, I have been forced to do things I very much do not like doing every Sunday. Nothing too awful - my mother forces me to go on a little joyride with her and her boyfriend (whom I hate) and eventually out to dinner. And I do pretty much get forced - if I don't go, my mother screams blue murder at me until I do.

During these joyrides and subsequent dinner outings, the idiot boyfriend lectures me about my life. Telling me what he thinks I need to do, demanding to know the exact amount I owe in student loans down to the penny and suggesting I am worthless for not knowing, demanding I learn to drive, demanding to know how much money I make from freelancing, etc. My mother hears all this and expects me to take it all with a smile since that what she does. She fears if I tell the guy off, he'll leave, meaning she won't have a man around the house to mow the lawn and shovel the driveway. Boo hoo.

I also get yelled at if I don't order a "real" dinner, meaning an enormous meal I can't finish because I wasn't hungry to begin with. So, I get forced to go on joyrides and forced to eat (can't just sit and zone out because I get yelled at for that too) when I am not hungry and trying to lose weight. You can probably see why I get anxious.

We have not gone on one of these hellish joyrides for about a month, either due to weather or the boyfriend not being home. And yet, as if on schedule, I have a mild panic attack every Sunday in the afternoon or early evening. My heart rate increases and my breathing gets more labored (I can't breathe too good by default anyway).

I am so used to the forced lecturing and forced abuse-taking that my body is kind of now in anxiety auto-pilot mode. Is that possible for my body to be 'stuck' in that frame of mind like that?

I ask because I think my brain just sees "stressed" as the default mental status and is what makes me unable to breathe and what has given me tension headaches every day for four years. It's almost fascinating.
 
This is obviously mental abuse. The reality is that until you leave the situation that
 
Honestly, at the moment, I can't really leave because I have no car, no job, and there's hardly anywhere around here to work. I think I'd be more stressed out living on the street than living in this house. But I am trying to make progress so I don't have to take the abuse any more. It's just going very slowly...if things go well, I will be off to grad school next fall and away from these people (and hopefully able to work a bit).

But for now, I think I'm just kinda stuck in a bad living situation. Thank you very much for the reply, though. Believe me, if I had someplace to go, I would go.
 
If it were up to me, I'd scream back.

There's only so much you can take before you snap -- I'd be done with that guy.

However, I'm very independent... I moved out when I was 18 (but my family is fantastic, so not for any other purpose than to experience life on my own; not bragging, just shedding light on a difference of situation so you see my bias). I've had anxiety for ~5 years, and if a situation was putting me through it to a larger degree I would leave it. I'm not very strong when it comes to anxiety, it usually makes a decision for me here or there... but in the face of such anger?

If the guy is so abusive to a woman's daughter, I'm surprised the woman would take it. The guy should be yelled back at for this reason alone... sounRAB like he has a lot of retained anger and lets it out on you guys.

Don't hold back. That would be my advice... your life isn't worth less than his.
Stress that it bothers you, let them know what it's doing to you mentally -- if they won't accept it, you've gotta fight fire with fire. It feels really good to yell back at someone you hate. ;) lol.
 
Oh trust me, I would pay money to be able to scream back at the guy. But the thing is if I do, I will receive verbal abuse from my mother for days on end. She is the one who makes me walk on eggshells and do whatever the guy wants so he won't leave...and she neeRAB a "man around the house" badly enough to let him try and tell me what to do with my life. She does try and stick up for me, but it doesn't discourage him.

I'm honestly just thrilled he has never physically abused me because I really do not know if my mother would have told him to leave, or if she'd have told me to just grin and bear it so she can have her man around to mow the two-acre lawn and fix her car.

Right now, my BF and my best friend are my crying shoulders when I need to rant. The guy hasn't been too bad lately (save for him telling my mother I'm pregnant when I am very much not), so I suppose I should count my blessings.
 
I am so sorry to hear about this! I can't say that I have been through a similar experience, but I have heard other hurtful times when I honestly felt that I just had to keep my mouth shut, act tough, and get through it. I remeraber one day in particular when a family meraber through a razor at me. I was terrified and it's something I never will forget. Even now, I'm more reserved and don't speak up when I should. I end up being too nice because I don't want to "start trouble." In this way, I understand that it's so hard to go through any kind of emotional abuse.

I am sorry to hear that you won't be able to leave being around them just yet. My best advice is to do your best with planning for your future! You mentioned grad school- this would be a great goal! Do you think it would be possible to move out during school? Yes, it will mean more student loans, but will it be worth it? Sometimes it isn't too bad in cost if you have roommates. Just take things one step at a time. Obviously things will not change overnight and you can't just leave, but just try your best to keep a positive minRABet and look forward to get past this tough time. Also, maybe you can think of things you can think of/say ahead of time. Like if you expect for him to ask you something in particular, think if there is a way you can be prepared for an answer that should keep him quiet and satisfied, yet not upset you too much.
 
How very sad that you have to put up with that garbage and how sad your mother goes along with it. As a single mother who used to date, I would never allow a guy to act like that with my kiRAB.

I would think that even though you haven't been on one of these rides in a month, the anticipation that it still may happen is giving you your panic attacks. Try to work through the panic attacks as they come and tell yourself you are okay. When I took a workshop on anxiety they said to tell yourself something simple like I am safe, I am calm, I’ll be okay and keep repeating it.
 
Actually, I was thinking about living off-campus if I get accepted into grad school...mostly because the dorm rent is something like $5000 a semester. But I also have never worked a "regular" job before and I just don't know if I could handle working and classes. In addition, the grad school I'm looking at is in New York and near a city, and I don't know if the rent costs would be too expensive or not. I don't think my BF would be interested in being my roommate since he's busy being a game addict, but I could probably convince my one college friend to move upstate and be my roomie.

Lonelygurl2, my mother did leave a previous partner when I was about 4 because his preteen daughter would physically abuse me. But I guess she feels she will never find anyone else to do the 'man's work' around her house, so she's been sticking it out with this jerk for about 15 years. He wasn't like this when I was a minor, but he became pretty disrespectful toward me once I became a legal adult. Not sure why.

I actually do try and tell myself I'm okay when I start to freak out. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it does not...times it doesn't might be when the guy crams us into his very small car and I feel very uncomfortably closed in.

I hate even more when I have to travel alone with this man. I had to do it recently and I get asked inappropriate things like, "Do you know what a Prince Albert is?" or "Ever thought about getting your nipples pierced?" I don't know if he's trying to be a pervert or thinks this is normal 20-something chit-chat, but it's uncomfortable at best. He has said this to me in front of my mother too and she doesn't bat an eye.

Here's to hoping I get into grad school so I can get out of here for at least a couple years.
 
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