Would you run away from home if you were in my position?

[Jojojo J]

I am over 18 and am muslim. Since high school, me and a guy have been crazy in love and we can't be together because of my religion. It's been about 5 years now that I've been trying to forget him but I love him too much. He keeps on getting girlfriends to help him move on, but ends up leaving them because he's still thinking of me. My religion is beyond strict. I'm not even allowed to drive with a female friend to school. I live inside the house and that's about it. I am getting married to someone I've never met and am not attracted to at all. I don't want to hurt my family but I am crazy in love with this guy and I know that I will never get over him. I don't want to be married to someone and thinking of someone else. Maybe, I don't have the same beliefs as them. I know that some believe family don't kill family but Muslims will do anything to keep their reputation, I promise you that. It's not God that they're worried about. They worry that people might call them bad parents or tease them about how they're bad and that's why their daughter ran away. They expect me to be happy living like a bird in a cage. They think, just because they feed me and buy me things, that it makes me happy. Love is all I ever wanted. I believe God is great and has mercy. I believe that as long as you believe in God and be a good person, you will go to heaven. Tell me something; if I lived the rest of my life with a scarf on and doing everything a Muslim does but not believe in it, what's the point? God can read my heart so does it matter if I pretend to believe in the religion? Women and men should be treated equally. Is it fair that if i lose my virginity i get killed for it but if my brother did the same thing, he'll be forgiven? I wish I can be with this guy but my family will kill me if they ever find me. I am in a position where i'm only trying to keep THEM happy. Don't I deserve to be happy too? I am not trying to be selfish but this is cruel. I've thought about suicide but I am too much in love to ever do that. I never want to hurt anyone but I am so in love and I just don't know what to do anymore. What do you think I should do? Would you run away if you were in my shoes? and would you feel guilty? What's your opinion?