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jack r
Guest
I have just finished writing a story and intend to send it of to publishers shortly but i realise for this story to have a chance of being published i have to grab the readers attention in the first paragraph.
The story is about a boy called Jack and his life as he is growing up. Jack is considered a freak and never accepted by the outside world and when he is pushed to the limit by his girlfriend Hailey he snaps and kills her. Jack runs away to Spain to try and start a new life but what he doesn't know is that there is a person from his past hot on his heels.
Anyway my question is, Based on this information above and the paragraph below would you read this book?
If not why not?
I would really appreciate any feedback good or bad
I was looking at a Hailey’s lifeless body lying in front of me and I felt nothing, I had just killed this girl and didn’t feel a thing. I visualised Hailey dead, I had wished she was dead but I never thought that I was capable of actually murdering her. Everyone always said I was a monster and I think they were right. Yesterday she had been the love of my life and now she is a corpse. Its amazing how much my life had changed in just twenty four hours.
I wanted Hailey to say sorry and admit she was in the wrong but that was beyond her. If she had said sorry she would still be alive. I had to make her realise that life didn’t revolve around her and what goes around comes around.
She had begged for mercy but by then it was too late. She had cost an innocent Georgina her life and in revenge I had taken hers, At age sixteen Hailey had made me a cold blooded killer
The story is about a boy called Jack and his life as he is growing up. Jack is considered a freak and never accepted by the outside world and when he is pushed to the limit by his girlfriend Hailey he snaps and kills her. Jack runs away to Spain to try and start a new life but what he doesn't know is that there is a person from his past hot on his heels.
Anyway my question is, Based on this information above and the paragraph below would you read this book?
If not why not?
I would really appreciate any feedback good or bad
I was looking at a Hailey’s lifeless body lying in front of me and I felt nothing, I had just killed this girl and didn’t feel a thing. I visualised Hailey dead, I had wished she was dead but I never thought that I was capable of actually murdering her. Everyone always said I was a monster and I think they were right. Yesterday she had been the love of my life and now she is a corpse. Its amazing how much my life had changed in just twenty four hours.
I wanted Hailey to say sorry and admit she was in the wrong but that was beyond her. If she had said sorry she would still be alive. I had to make her realise that life didn’t revolve around her and what goes around comes around.
She had begged for mercy but by then it was too late. She had cost an innocent Georgina her life and in revenge I had taken hers, At age sixteen Hailey had made me a cold blooded killer