would someone help in poetry please !!?

M

Myguel A nti Lâches

New member
I write poetry in French but not in English coz I'm not a native speaker
so I'm just trying my self to do all my best !!!!

I wrote a poem to a friend of mine and I want some advices or suggestions please !!

thes are the first lines

Soft and fair, I send you all my care .

Exited like a bird you'll sing and fly .

missing all your words you want just to hear .

agreeable sounds which come over Sky .


Note; Sky reflect the name of the person who I'm talking to !!!

please if you've some knowledge in poetry don't wait !!! just COMMENT ;-)!!!
 
in the line "missing all your words you just want to hear"
i would change "you" to "I". and the rest of the poem is very sweet and meaningfull. it sounds like you are missing your friend because they are far away. good poem so far :)
 
line 2 should be Excited I think

last line, have you translated the French "agreable" to "agreeable" ? They do not have the same feeling. Perhaps it could say "soothing", that links to Sounds and Sky.

But - isn't French the language of love? You might write in your own language and keep the words simple so your friend can understand
 
line 2 should be Excited I think

last line, have you translated the French "agreable" to "agreeable" ? They do not have the same feeling. Perhaps it could say "soothing", that links to Sounds and Sky.

But - isn't French the language of love? You might write in your own language and keep the words simple so your friend can understand
 
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