will you please read my poem?

T

Tommy

New member
her name was forgotten
her lips are sweet like wine
she was my lover
the only woman ever

i wooed her for trying
all my time i had
i gave her everything
but i caught with another

i hart sank swallowed
i pleaded why
she said your finished
and pushed my head

i found a new girl
one i liked more
i tricked and cheated
just like before
 
yea i read your poem so what? it sounds like a good poem...yea its good. But try to switch "her lips are sweet like mine" written in the first stanza to some other stanza...it doesnt go well with the first line. overall i would say its a really good poem. btw i dont understand " i hart sank swallowed" in the 3rd stanza.
 
The only verse I like is the last one. I think the good use of rhyme in this verse brings it together nicely and it makes a good statement about your attitude to girls in general. If the other 3 verses were as good I think it might be a good poem.
 
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