Why would a person be bitter about sex?

J

jldude

New member
To set the record straight, I'm not a virgin, but I have this confusion or bitterness towards it. Like it seems the desire just shames me somehow I know it's healthy n all, but why would I feel this way? Why would I look down on it? A lot of guys chase it actively, I don't because of how I feel about it. I want it sure, but not enough to find it ya know? Do other people go through this? Am I the only weirdo?
I think douglas nailed it. How did he know i grew up in a christian family where sex was bad? A sexual scene would come up in a movie, my dad hits fast forward. I always felt nervous bout talking bout a girlfriend, and was offended when my parents would joke about me getting married as a child. My first time was at 21, a year after I left my parents. Perhaps my bitterness is not so much towards sex and relationships, but rather towards my strict overprotective parents who didn't feel my personal life was pertinent enough to be involved in. God forbid my emotional state.
 
From a girl's point of view, I don't think you're weird at all. It happens to me too. I'm not a virgin anymore, and I don't regret my decision but the idea of sex makes me feel dirty and.. kind of slutty. I guess it's because I always grew up thinking all girls that had sex were trashy.
 
i'm sort of ashamed about it all too, because of the way i was brought up, everyone telling me it was "wrong" and whatnot. my mom would never talk about boys with me, and if i brought up the opposite sex my mom would make me feel slutty. totally not normal! trying to get over that stuff now that i'm 20.
 
No you are not the only weirdo. I am 27 and a virgin and i sometimes have this 'disgust' for sex, i dont know why.

I believe it has something to do with the fact ive never had it, but i also think as a grand thinker that it only is a distraction that can stand in the way of me achieving my goals by wasting time and energy with it. Yet as a male im conflicted abou thow I am still a virgin so i kinda thinl i shoudl pursue it anyway, and therein may be the disgust.

And its dirty.

DOes that make any sense?
 
For me, when I am sexually active, I am very aware of my motive. For me, it's more about boosting my self esteem than the desire for sex or even intimacy. And though there are times my body might become aroused, it doesn't necessarily coincide with what my mind wants.

You are not a weirdo just because you don't fit into the mainstream. Though sexuality is one way we define ourselves, we would be mistaken to think that is all we are, or to think of others only based on their orientation.

There is a sexual orientation known as "asexual" who are people who are not generally interested in sex (which is what I believe I am). Asexual is not because there was some great trauma, or they haven't found the greatest lover, they just aren't into it. Perhaps you fit more into this group.
 
Life experiences and the manner we assimilate them in our minds, the way we interpret our experiences, joy, sadness, pain, tasteful, unpleasant, etc. determine our personalities, and even with some extraordinary experiences such as rape or sodomy, might hinder a certain bitterness to that person's sexuality. A person who suffered some kind of sexual abuse is likely to have difficulty enjoying sex later in life, even with therapy.

I had a friend when I was a kid, she was raped by her stepfather for some time and even with that man now in prison, and years of therapy, she now dresses like a man and even has a "wife". In conclusion, she oppressed her girly sexuality and became manly.

In another case, I dated a girl who had attempted to regain interest in guys, she told me she was raped in the "back door" by a former boyfriend, she had trouble getting intimate and had lost her sex drive. She enjoy the company of man, but could not concede to sex.

Why do I keep getting these ones?
 
Most of what you feel about sex is a carry over from childhood, the ways your parents taught you and the way you learned in church. If either of these said of how bad sex was it has influenced your thinking today and has left you feeling the way you do.
 
I think because most of the time sex is dishonest. People are having sex when the moment happens, but not enough people think twice about what is in their heart. Maybe you are bitter about sex because you want sex to be more trustful and sincere, and especially in this generation people are having sex without really loving each other, or sometimes when they THINK they love each other, or they think they SHOULD because they are dating. sex without that mental emotional touchy-feely crap is what makes it a common thing, and love is supposed to be unique.
 
Back
Top