Why was I born a fkng queer!? Should I just die?

[eighteen]

I'm only 16 but somehow I already want to end my life. I'm closeted and I hate myself for it. I've been really depressed for quite a long time now. I have a lot of friends, but I don't even bother hanging out with them that much anymore because I'm just too upset to be with them. Most of my friends have girlfriends and I pretend I 'like' girls too. And when girls flirt and stuff it feels really weird and I don't even know how to react. I can't even get enough sleep at night anymore because I always lie awake every night thinking about how fkd up my life is. Sometimes I lock myself inside my room crying my balls out because I can't help but feel like I'm so alone and that no one ever understands me. I can't even remember the last time I was happy anymore. And the worst part is, I have absolutely no one to talk to about it. I can't even tell my own family or friends why I'm depressed all the time. I'm terrified as hell and I don't know what to do with my life. It's just soo hard to keep all these things inside me. Should I just kill myself because somehow I feel like it's the only option.