Why my wife does not understand my intimacy needs, part 2?

G

Gremlin

New member
Ok, so three weeks ago I posted this same question and explained all the details of what was going on and what my problem was. I looked at all the responses and then made the decision on how to handle it. If you want to know the details I will not go into it again but feel free to look up this same question (Why my wife does not understand my intimacy needs) and read for yourself as well as the responses. At the end of it I stated I would post an update and this is it. I sat my wife down and told her how I understood her feelings but didn't feel she was to concerned with my needs and feelings. She pointed out that there is more to a marriage than sex, which I agreed with her, but I also stated that there is more than one person with needs in a marriage and there has to be a compromise on both parts. I said I would quit the pestering as she calls it as long as there is more of a effort on her part to make sure I am getting my needs met somewhat. I told her I do things that are not as important to me as they are to her because I want to try and meet her needs and make her feel special and spend time with her. Its a compromise I made and would also like the same effort at compromise from her. So The first week was fine, I did not bother her and we had a good time and had sex 4 times the next week. After that it was back to the same crap. In the last two weeks sex only twice! I am fed up with it. Talking, compromise, expressing feelings.... women say they need this, but men need things to. Just because they need emotion comfort, closeness, and the need to feel loved that makes their needs more important because its "just sex" men want? I call that a double standard. You are suppose to be able to express your problems to your partner and as a couple come up with a compromise that for the most part works for BOTH involved, not just what makes one happy and the other is just suppose to "understand" and put up with it. I tried to talk,express my needs, and come up with a compromise we could both work with, but it goes in my wife's ear and right out the other. I am beginning to think I made a bad choice taking her back now. I will begin doing more of what I want and stop thinking of her since it has now become apparent she is pretty much selfish and happy as long as she is getting her needs met. This is exactly was caused our problems before and I am not sure if the light will come on for her or if it will cause us to grow apart again but at this point I dint really care. It really makes you feel bad to know you try so hard but you cant get the same effort back from someone who says they love and understand you. And it is really sad because I still love her very much. I know the resentment I feel again will make our relationship grow apart and I will begin to not like her for doing this to me. I just want my wife to want to respect my feeling as I have hers. I was willing to work on a compromise, I know you cant make both partners 100% happy, but if you know your partner is at least trying and making an effort at the compromise it can make up for what your not getting met because you at least see an effort on their part for you and that shows they are thinking of the other person. Maybe a little less of her needs being met will get it through to her she needs to change some, like I have. Please do not comment if you have not read both questions. Its not just about my wife dint have enough and I am a mean husband, in the other question I go into more details of the whole situation, so please get all the info if you feel the need to comment. If there is a change I will follow up. Thanks again for every ones responses to the original question, most were help full
 
It sounds to me like she just is not attracted to you.
I don't mean to be harsh....but It just sounds that way.

I think at this point you need to just tell her "This is what I want....if you don't want the same thing then we need to separate"

Maybe she just does not like sex that much?
 
Have the 2 of you gone to counseling, together? Seems like you are trying to work out a problem but neither of you really know how to resolve. She needs to be able to think of herself as more than your sex spigot....but you need her to show that your needs are important to her. There is probably a way to get there, but you both have to be motivated. Right now, it seems you both are being selfish. The week you did it 4 times, did you show her your appreciation by doing something for her? Twice in 2 weeks isn't that bad depending on the circumstances. She can be tired, on her monthly cycle, not feeling well....two slow weeks don't really prove that all is lost. Rather than give it more than a few weeks and continuing to talk about things, you are already planning resentment and withholding from her. I guarantee that that won't yield positive results. You two should go to marriage counseling.
 
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