Why must my in-laws be so judge mental and prejudice?

[Caitlin]

I guess I want to vent more than anything, I am finding it very hard to spend time with my in laws. They are very small minded, and very judge mental. They are always commenting on other races, and use words like "coons" for aboriginals etc, I am forever getting frustrated and try to enlighten them, but I know it is to no avail.

They are also quite cruel towards my upbringing, as my father has worked hard his whole life and came from nothing, got scholarships etc and secured a great education and then a great job, and so we have been quite wealthy my whole life. I have gone on to go to university and secure a well paid job before I had my daughter. My mother in law always makes remarks about my family having money, and me being spoilt with the pocessions I have bought. She also makes remarks about me going to university, I know intellectually she is insecure but it is so hard to be around her, she is very passive agressive about it too, which makes it hard as my husband does not see it. She will say things like "just think you wasted 4 years at university" "why do you need that type of car" " oh your going away with your parents again... what hotel are you staying at this time".

I respect that it was hard for her raising her children and she did not have the same finances that we had, and I want to get along with her because she is obviously my husband's mother, but it is hard to be in the same room as her, she critises my parenting, what I wear, and it just causes friction between my husband and I.. I guess this is more of a vent than a question, but what would you do?... Thank you for reading...... Congratulations for making it this far!!!!

 

[Ms. Addictive]

Because we want to be nice and get along with our in-laws. We tend to take things very lightly. We take what they say and swallow it and we end up not sleeping at night. Do me a favor, stop enlightening them. Let your husbands family know that you are not responsible for how their lives turned out. Tell them you happen to be very aggressive and in control of your life and that you are very happy about how your life turned out. As for them, instead of hating on what you have, tell them to go out and get what they want. Otherwise if they have nothing positive to say about you, your life, you children etc. don't comment on anything that has to do with you, your life and your family. You are the Queen of your throne, and walk out of there, and tell your husband, they you will not be put in a position where they try to make you feel less or inferior to them because you have a great life and they didn't take the time to create the life they wanted. Your husband needs to be sticking up for you, but you need to get a backbone as scary as it may sound right now , and give them some the lip service they have been waiting for. Shock Girl ~ You can do it, You are the Queen!

 

[Ann]

You know - people are sometimes cruel. There is no logic and I admire that you know easily the difference between what is fundamentally right and what is wrong. You can't change them so I offer this piece of advice. Think about what they look like and try to find the closest muppet, or cartoon character you can and begin to identify them with that image. When they are over at your house, and they begin speaking inappropriately, imagine that character instead and realize how foolish they are. Ignorance of races, and color and sexuality or whatever are soley based on fear. When you feed the fear with anger, you give it audience, so smile at them because they are animated. Karma is a wonderful thing, and they may come back as what they detest the most. Wouldn't it be a shame to steal a piece of you for their own foolishness? Smile and be the bigger person that you obviously are. Take good care.

 

[Amaretta]

She is insecure and uncomfortable around you. Her belittling you is a way of making you feel smaller so that she can feel bigger about herself. The best way to handle it is to rise above it -- be polite, be as cordial as possible, and ignore as much as possible. If need be, you can say at some point, "I'm not going to apologize for my family's success because they worked hard for it. And I'm not going to apologize for my own choices because I've also worked hard for what I have."