when i was 15 years old my dad caught me sending nude photos of myself to my boyfriend, (who i had been with for 2 years prior to that) he put me through hell, cut off all contact, treated me like I was a whore, told my entire family I was sleeping with every person in town, and showed the pictures to my mother and grandmother while at the same time threatening to put my boyfriend in jail and send me to reform school. We live 8 states away from each other and my love is 2 years older than me, so actual sex didn't happen and all the times we visited each other we were supervised. Since then I have endured degrading terms and bad looks from my religious mother (i live with her now) and I am 17. I can't even mention him (im still with him) without getting a nasty look from someone. I learned to stop caring, but now I'm concerned for our future together...
Before I could easily talk about sex, but now I feel that I am doing something dirty and vile, and I don't even think I could ever have sex for the first time even in the next six years, which is awful because I love my boyfriend and he loves me and wants me to live with him after college, and before I had no problem sharing in that beautiful moment but now v_v..he says that he can't bare to even bring anything like that up now because he sees me this way, and refuses to until I have gotten over what happened...i feel like I am, but I have no sexual desires at all.
I don't think this is normal for someone my age.
Sex was always a taboo in my household, and I didn't gain a sexual education until i was 15. I know about protection, so if I ever do it I will be safe. My sister however talks of sexual humor all the time and she's 13, and they just laugh at her. If i were to say it, I would be condemned to hell by them.
But..yeah.
What should I do, and why have they tried to enforce on me that sex is so bad?
Before I could easily talk about sex, but now I feel that I am doing something dirty and vile, and I don't even think I could ever have sex for the first time even in the next six years, which is awful because I love my boyfriend and he loves me and wants me to live with him after college, and before I had no problem sharing in that beautiful moment but now v_v..he says that he can't bare to even bring anything like that up now because he sees me this way, and refuses to until I have gotten over what happened...i feel like I am, but I have no sexual desires at all.
I don't think this is normal for someone my age.
Sex was always a taboo in my household, and I didn't gain a sexual education until i was 15. I know about protection, so if I ever do it I will be safe. My sister however talks of sexual humor all the time and she's 13, and they just laugh at her. If i were to say it, I would be condemned to hell by them.
But..yeah.
What should I do, and why have they tried to enforce on me that sex is so bad?