then act like this? I know this is long, but PLEASE read.
My name is Justin; I’m a 26 year old Corporate Pilot from Pennsylvania. I am going through a crippling happening, and I am in such a horrible depression and just don’t know what to do. I find it helpful to get the opinion of the masses; it just makes me feel better than talking to someone who is my friend who obviously will take my side.
The girl that I live with, who I love and want to settle down with, commit, and be with for the rest of my life used to say to me that she wanted to be with me as well. I am beyond crazy for her. We were even ring shopping together for a while. She even talked about having a child with me in a couple of years. All of this is EXACTLY what I want in life. I have had my fun, I have hung out with the “boys”, I have been with more girls than I should have, but I’m ready to settle down, and create a home and a long happy life with her. I’m not the kind of guy who sits at the house and stares at the wall all day, but I am more of stay at home family kind of guy. I get more enjoyment out of being with my girl and my daughter (unfortunately my girl is not the mother of my daughter) than I could ever get going out drinking, partying, being with the guys. My girl however is a huge socialite. She is a 30 year old bartender and knows a ton of people, and unfortunately, her circle of friends are all professional partiers. My girl is absolutely gorgeous, she is the most attractive woman I know. Before me she used to be a professional partier as well, but told me that she wanted to settle down, get married, and have a family. Now that she is with a good guy who is grounded, professional, caring, MORE than loving and sweet, she now is not ready to give up the life of a wild and free girl. I am beyond heart broken, because I have NEVER been with a girl that the honey moon phase has NEVER worn off. Normally the honeymoon phase only last 6 months with me, tops, but this intense feeling I have for her has never gone away, even through the NUMEROUS fights we have had about the way you act when you’re in a committed relationship.
I have said over and over that there is a way you act when you’re single, and a way you act when you’re in a relationship, but my girl doesn’t believe this. She still goes out 2 nights a week drinking with her friends and partying, most times doesn’t get home till 1AM, and recently, has not been coming home till 3 or 4:30AM. She tells me it’s ok because she is faithful and is not cheating on me, and this I KNOW for a fact is true, but she does dress sexy and does flirt with everyone. She doesn’t care that this makes me feel uncomfortable or jealous. She tells me that it’s her personality, and it won’t change. I tried to be cool about this, but the more time we are together, the less I think it should happen as you grow together and fall more and more in love, and become more committed. Bottom line is this, she says she isn’t ready to commit, and it could be 2, 4, even 10 years till she is…or she might never want to commit, yet she says she doesn’t want to break up. She does whatever she wants to do, no matter how I feel about it or if it hurts my feelings. If I tell her I’m not ok with something (i.e. her going for motorcycle rides with her ex fiancée) she doesn’t care and will do it anyways and just say, “this is me and you have to trust me to do the right thing and make the right decision, and I will not stop being me just for you”.
She knew when she got with me that I had a now three year old daughter, and the mother pretty much was not in the picture due to her many shortcomings and horrible decisions in her life, and that the mother even lived literally 5 states away. My girl was fully aware of this, and still chose to come into the relationship. Not only did she choose it, but has become the mother figure my daughter needs. She is AMAZING with my daughter and my kid looks up to her more than anyone else. What I don’t understand though is how you can choose to do that, and then still insist on keeping a partying, young wild and free life style and want to go out all the time, and complain that your life is boring at home if I get upset that she wants to live like a young sorority girl. I don’t understand how you voluntarily enter a relationship with someone you know has lived the party lifestyle, and done the bar scene, and is SICK of it all, and is looking for the real thing and someone to share the rest of your life with, and but then say how horrible that kind of thing is to you. When I told her that people in committed relationships don’t do this kind of thing, and that she has my daughter now to be accountable for as well, by CHOICE, she not only said to me, “I’m not in a committed relationship with you, and I don’t know if I ever will be ready to settle down” but also said “Your daughter is not my responsibility, I wasn’t the one who was stupid and got someone pregnant”. After that shotgun blast to the chest,
My name is Justin; I’m a 26 year old Corporate Pilot from Pennsylvania. I am going through a crippling happening, and I am in such a horrible depression and just don’t know what to do. I find it helpful to get the opinion of the masses; it just makes me feel better than talking to someone who is my friend who obviously will take my side.
The girl that I live with, who I love and want to settle down with, commit, and be with for the rest of my life used to say to me that she wanted to be with me as well. I am beyond crazy for her. We were even ring shopping together for a while. She even talked about having a child with me in a couple of years. All of this is EXACTLY what I want in life. I have had my fun, I have hung out with the “boys”, I have been with more girls than I should have, but I’m ready to settle down, and create a home and a long happy life with her. I’m not the kind of guy who sits at the house and stares at the wall all day, but I am more of stay at home family kind of guy. I get more enjoyment out of being with my girl and my daughter (unfortunately my girl is not the mother of my daughter) than I could ever get going out drinking, partying, being with the guys. My girl however is a huge socialite. She is a 30 year old bartender and knows a ton of people, and unfortunately, her circle of friends are all professional partiers. My girl is absolutely gorgeous, she is the most attractive woman I know. Before me she used to be a professional partier as well, but told me that she wanted to settle down, get married, and have a family. Now that she is with a good guy who is grounded, professional, caring, MORE than loving and sweet, she now is not ready to give up the life of a wild and free girl. I am beyond heart broken, because I have NEVER been with a girl that the honey moon phase has NEVER worn off. Normally the honeymoon phase only last 6 months with me, tops, but this intense feeling I have for her has never gone away, even through the NUMEROUS fights we have had about the way you act when you’re in a committed relationship.
I have said over and over that there is a way you act when you’re single, and a way you act when you’re in a relationship, but my girl doesn’t believe this. She still goes out 2 nights a week drinking with her friends and partying, most times doesn’t get home till 1AM, and recently, has not been coming home till 3 or 4:30AM. She tells me it’s ok because she is faithful and is not cheating on me, and this I KNOW for a fact is true, but she does dress sexy and does flirt with everyone. She doesn’t care that this makes me feel uncomfortable or jealous. She tells me that it’s her personality, and it won’t change. I tried to be cool about this, but the more time we are together, the less I think it should happen as you grow together and fall more and more in love, and become more committed. Bottom line is this, she says she isn’t ready to commit, and it could be 2, 4, even 10 years till she is…or she might never want to commit, yet she says she doesn’t want to break up. She does whatever she wants to do, no matter how I feel about it or if it hurts my feelings. If I tell her I’m not ok with something (i.e. her going for motorcycle rides with her ex fiancée) she doesn’t care and will do it anyways and just say, “this is me and you have to trust me to do the right thing and make the right decision, and I will not stop being me just for you”.
She knew when she got with me that I had a now three year old daughter, and the mother pretty much was not in the picture due to her many shortcomings and horrible decisions in her life, and that the mother even lived literally 5 states away. My girl was fully aware of this, and still chose to come into the relationship. Not only did she choose it, but has become the mother figure my daughter needs. She is AMAZING with my daughter and my kid looks up to her more than anyone else. What I don’t understand though is how you can choose to do that, and then still insist on keeping a partying, young wild and free life style and want to go out all the time, and complain that your life is boring at home if I get upset that she wants to live like a young sorority girl. I don’t understand how you voluntarily enter a relationship with someone you know has lived the party lifestyle, and done the bar scene, and is SICK of it all, and is looking for the real thing and someone to share the rest of your life with, and but then say how horrible that kind of thing is to you. When I told her that people in committed relationships don’t do this kind of thing, and that she has my daughter now to be accountable for as well, by CHOICE, she not only said to me, “I’m not in a committed relationship with you, and I don’t know if I ever will be ready to settle down” but also said “Your daughter is not my responsibility, I wasn’t the one who was stupid and got someone pregnant”. After that shotgun blast to the chest,