Why do I always to build all these feelings for girls just to find out it

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yeahyeah

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was false hope? makes me hate myself? I'm turning 23 in june and I never had a gf or a real date. the last time i hanged out with girls on my own was when i was about 14. My family is worried about me not dating or ever having a gf. i just sit at home bec. i got no friends. i don't do bars and clubs alone. i get teased about it too. CMON most people have had a gf/bf by this age. i joined activities at the jr college but i didn't like it. i am in this club @ church and I FEEL bad when i see guys talk to girls i like. makes me feel like shi*. it's like i feel good at time i'm talking to her then my confidence or self esteem goes rock bottom. it feels like the wind is knocked out of you. i get depressed and jealous. i have had suicidal thoughts in the past and serious depression. i still have depression. i don't want to have feelings for girls that i dont' even know.
i get jealous of guys who start talking to girls i like! i talk to some of them but yeah. he keeps pimping out every girl! it's like wtf!! stop it!! i just stopped talking the girl i like bec. i can't think of anything else to say. i don't' want to keep asking questions that will just annoy her
the last time i had a girl show me interest was about 4 years ago. i'm not picky. it's not like i really rejected anyone in the past 4 years.
i listened to a song today and to this DAY i think about the girl who asked me OUT 4 YEARS AGO at the college gym ( i know a weird place but yeah)
i was attracted to her and i didn't go where she invited me.
now she's gone. i don't have her number. she's gone.
and i'm having a nervous breakdown thinking it's my last chance to be someone i'm at least remotely attracted to!!!!
I get girls NUMBERS but there never the first to call.
i call and sometimes they don't even call!
i can just tell they don't want to talk. not being negative there but u could just tell. it's that obvious.
It's HARD to make friends in the jr college bec. people just go to class but yeah! it's NOT like hs in the sense where you make friends you HANGOUT with. not really.
I got a job and managed to LOSE IT. There's this girl I want to ASK OUT i used to work with!! and I want to ASK HER OUT!!
i'm going THERe but if she REJECTS ME
i know it will hurt me and it will assure me it was FALSE HOPE!!
i had girls lie to me about not having a partner and one girl even told me she hated me and that i never called me (we got into an argument..I saw her true colors)
i really want to LOVE MYSELF but if you have no friends or never had a gf and your turning 23
all this negative shi* in my life
makes ME not like myelf
makes me feel i'm never good enough and that all my chances are up (to be with someone i like too. i don't want to be someone just because)
i have made numerous phone calls to a number of girls
nothing
the one's i met are taken (a lot) or just not interested
sak okay just because i never had girl or a real date doesn't mean i will just get any girl that will love or like me!!
i have standards
i'm not picky either. it's not like i rejected any girls int he past 4 years really.
 
Try and get yourself together (i know that sounds mean, but Im serious) By that I mean start focusing in school and on finding a job and yourself. Try straightening up. That will keep you busy.Try and look for girls who are decently attractive (it doesnt burn to look at them) and who are very nice.
 
you should be more confident, talk to girls your interested in, and you should ask out the girl you like. you never know whats gonna happen til you do it.
 
first chill down nice cold (maybe hot since its winter) shower and just chill. stop drinking or you'll be dead with those suicidal thoughts. im currently the same but lot younger. had one relationship, turns out that she was pressured to go out with me. there's men out there that's single and older. you got a whole life ahead of you. i just had a conversation with one of my friend somehow we got into relationships and ive told him that no one will like me. but look, there's always some girl out there who will want you. i am positively sure that not every girl out there hates you. there's 3 billion girls, chances that 1 of them wont like u is impossible. u have no friends, hang out at different places, y go to the same places if you know no one will treat you well. its getting late right now at my place so ima end it here. but i better not read anything about a 23 year old man committing a suicide in the newspaper
 
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